budweiser short neck bottle
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Heineken Sucks

If you’ve not had a Heineken before, perhaps you’ve had a house party. During the course of this house party people went outside with beers and either misplaced them in the dark, accidentally put a cigarette in them or decided against them. In any case, by Sunday evening they’ve been sitting in the sun for a full day and now you need to clean them up, more out of that sinking feeling that something went wrong and you need to tidy everything up than from any real personal connection to cleanliness. You grab a black garbage bag. It smells weird, yet it will provide the chemical smell necessary, when mixed with these sun-baked and cigarette-infused beers to exactly mimic the taste and aroma of a Heineken.