Misanthropy Today

Hillary, Barack and Rudy. You’re gonna need to find one that looks like a beer can for old Hill’.

This  cougar from Sex And The City

Newman’s Own, huh? I beg to differ.

Not sure who mischa barton is but who’s that naked dude standing behind the bushes? You decide.

Jessica Simpson. Please don’t do anything racist here.

Jessica Biel. Mine’s totally bigger than that.

Angry Muslim Protester Guy Demands Sharia! And Something Cyllindrical In His Mouth!

Idea for this post stolen ruthlessly from Dan Brooks, on whom it’s beauty was wasted and should know better than to link me to this sort of genius.

For some reason I think this video of my friend Ford Austin doing a Chicago accent in my office is hilarious.

It’s so overtaken this other friend’s mind that she repeats this whole dialogue to people completely out of context and nobody gets it and she doesn’t understand why nobody gets it.
“You know it’s like the worst thing I could ever get into..”

I hope it poisons your mind also.

Funny Viral Videos by Crapio.com

I got this in my email today from my friend in San Francisco, thought I should share it.

Pretty funny— this dude Dmitri (Dimitri)  leaves two pathetic voicemails for this Olga chick he met on the curb and talked to for 2 minutes.

Hilarious. Further proof that women are generally lousy judges of character or actually like guys who are tools, at least by first impression.

All,

This is HILARIOUS!!!! The Alliance Manager from our Latin America team forwarded this on. His friend is Olga — read below to get the story

Okay guys here is the info on this voicemail. One of my friend’s from
work and her friend were out one night in the SF Marina district and

were hanging outside of the bars trying to find a cab. One of the
girl’s, Olga ends up meeting this guy Dimitri and they talk for at the
most 2 minutes. She hands him her business card and says call me.

Well attached is the actual voicemail that this guy left her. Wait
till you hear it you will be laughing so hard you’ll fall out of your
chair.

Ah that was great. Click here to see hippie demonstrators owned by a car

Let’s say you want to export your Google Analytics referring sites numbers to a CSV file. Ok everything else shows up properly with a little easy column formatting (percentage, etc)  but what in god’s good name happened to Time On Site?

They turn it into seconds for you, since you know, we all have an immediate working knowledge of how long 479 seconds is.

If you have an easier way, especially a shorter way that you can do inside the column of origin that would be better. But if not, use this:

Open a new column and then   =INT(A1/60)&”:”&INT(MOD(A1,60))

Some Explanation:

=(equals, obv)

INT=Integer

A1  your first cell

/60    divided by 60

&      means add this in the middle

“:”   after the ampersand the quotes will put anything in between, for this we use the colon. You could use “mins” and then after MOD use “secs” so that it would read 3mins57secs, if that was helpful for some reason.

INT   Integer again

MOD  Returns the remainder after a number is divided, we need this because we’re going to add any remainder to the decimalized figure and then divide by 60.

After this, insert a new column where Time On Site should be (in b/w PPV and %NV) and then paste your Time On Site column there, then hide the column labeled TOS.

Hope this is helpful to someone who is abused by Google Analytics and Excel on a daily basis.

Hey Google, why not add this or a better formula to your CSV files you cheapskates!

Now you can say that you’ve seen an old man kick a hot blond chick in the beaver while she’s peeing.

 Crocodile Vs Shark Photo Daily Telegraph

 Tannaz’ No Cookie Left Behind Bake Sale At Scoops In Hollywood            LA.EATER.COM

Cool New Search Engine, Shows Entire Pages                  SEARCHME.COM

 Some Kid With Pink Pants And A Mullet Beats The Bejeesus Out Of Another Kid     TOP10Virals.com

Attack Of The Horny Mulleted Lifeguard  EFUKT.COM (NSFW!!)

Some Amazing Soccer Shots               VideoViral

Enjoy.

I’ll be 29 in less than a month. 28 has been a good year, mostly. 26-27 wasn’t so good, I accomplished not much other than put in time working on what they used to call a “career”. Not sure what it’s called nowadays. 28 was more of that career-building pretty much all the way through. This sounds bad and boring but it’s good for me.

Before that (23-25ish) I was really focused on being happy and skirting responsibility: travel, abusing substances, listening to bad music, sitting up all night talking with my girlfriend about things we’d forget in a year, if not by the next morning. A cliche could probably go here but I actually have a few coming up so i’ll just say that what you think makes you happy usually doesn’t. If it was that easy, everyone would find happiness too quickly and easily and we’d all be writhing around on beanbags giving each other hand massages as if we were at some goddamned hippie extacy rave.

So in those years when I was looking for the things and people to— This reminds me of the cliche I mentioned earlier, and this is stolen from a sometimes friend who reworked the meaning of an older cliche: you are what you eat.

Sometimes you hear older people say that as you get older you have to watch what you eat, and I wonder if maybe they mean that like my friend means it: people, things and ideas. You gotta be careful about what you eat. Ok. So, I guess an important lesson that I’ve given myself as a 29th birthday present is that. Life isn’t about just having a big open mouth, chomp-chomp-chomping anything you can put in there.

Bad relationships, the transience of youth, compulsions, drinking too much whiskey on weeknights: the world is as you are. You are what you eat. All that stuff.

I’ve quit smoking with Zyban about 4 times now. The problem i’m having is after I quit (which Zyban makes relatively easy) I stop taking the medication and then I start back up again.

A few thing to know about Zyban:

•  It’s Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant, re-branded and one of the unintended consquences (side effects) of  Wellbutrin is that it made depressed people not want to smoke anymore.
• It really does make cigarettes taste bad after a week or so
• It will make you a little crazy sometimes, usually at first. You know how your dog or cat freaks out when you give him medication, because he doesn’t know whats happening to him? Zyban is sorta similar.
• This one is weird: it will make you not love people anymore. After taking Zyban for a little while, suddenly I didn’t care at all about an ex girlfriend that I previously missed a lot. In this sense, you could probably take it to get over a breakup. Seriously.
• It makes your ears ring (tinnitis) a little.
• It helps you lose weight for some reason
• Don’t drink too much while taking Zyban! I overdrank during a trip to the mountains while taking a full dosage of Zyban and I lost the last 3 hours of my evening and, according to my friends, acted like a total a-hole before that.
• Again, it really will make you sorta crazy, but it’s worth it.

I’m about to quit again in the next day. I might or might not update this.

 A great article with even better comments about Joe Lieberman. It seems as if some Democrats actually hate the far left/moveon.org/bush lied folks as much as i do  THE NEW REPUBLIC

ANTIQUIET had Guns N Roses new album “Chinese Democracy” for exacty 2 hours, I listened to it. Not bad ANTIQUIET

A Time Line Of Internet Memes. I wrote the “Rick Roll” one. The Admin seemed unhappy with it, making a note that it’s “extremely editorialized”. In fairness, I thought I was supposed to do it like that.  DIPITY

 A Terrific Video Of Someone In A Wheelchair Going Ass Over Tea-Kettle on An Escalator!  CRAPIO

Very Funny “____ is the new _____” Image    STUMBLE UPON

Sandals That Double As A Flask. Purchased for trip to Cancun   ELITE CHOICE

Have a nice weekend.

AF