10 Tips For Getting Over A Breakup
Boys and Girls In America, they have such a sad time together– the hold steady
I was in a relationship before. I guess i’ve realized lately that i’m over it, and now it’s time to tell others how to do it too.
My friend says that it’s all chemicals and after three years the chemicals stop working. I’m not in that relationship anymore. How long did it last? Three Years.
We were a lot alike. My other friend says those relationships Are the best. Or the worst he adds. Usually both he decides.
When you blow aside the leftover dust particles that once made up the connective tissue (that you considered to be unique and magical), you see that all relationships are about the same. The things you said to each other, they probably said to other people. You’ll go on to say those same things to other people, too. We’re all running tapes.
What I’m saying is that you probably landed here because the title interests you, or Google sent you here because you’re sitting at home on a Friday night looking for tips on how to get over a breakup.
The tips after the jump….
- If you’re reading this list or others like it in hopes of getting over it, you’re nowhere close. Get off the computer. Leave your apartment. I know you’re still reading but really: go.
- Call and Text your ex until you’re pretty sure they think you’re pathetic. If you were at fault, which you probably were, this will insure they will realize through your persistence that they made the right choice.
- Don’t Believe the above rule and figure that your situation is different. Revel in the difference of your situation while your phone sits silent and your ex bad-mouths you and mocks you with their friends over martinis. Since this is tactical, and believe me it is, friends want to be on the winning side of anything. If you’re calling and texting, you already lost. And you’re behaving like a fail-factory still. If you’re lagging behind, they’re getting ahead.
- Move from wherever you live. Your ex knows where you live and they know your stupid roommates, your crapcan furniture and can visualize you sitting at home. Take that away from them.
- Change your number. I know this seems drastic but its necessary. They have your email, friends’ numbers, IM, etc. if they absolutely must get ahold of you.
- Don’t Date anyone until you absolutely can’t stand it. Nobody will measure up for awhile and you won’t even be at your best anyhow. Dating someone out of the gate puts you at a tactical disadvantage, because you’re such a pathetic shitheap right now, nobody that you want will want you. You know how you told that fat or ugly person that you just got out of a relationship and you blah blah blah… Do that, but in earnest. Then keep doing it.
- Enrich Yourself. Now that you’re free you have a lot of spare time on your hands. Your friends that you neglected while you were in love don’t feel bad for you and will treat you the sad sack that you are. So: read some books, find a better job, get some exercise, take a class that you wanted to take or build one of those homemade helicopters from the kit that you see in the back of Popular Science.
- Become Less Ugly. You know what I mean. If you were better looking they would’ve put up with your bullshit for longer. If you were better looking you’d be reading this saying “i’m not really sure where Andy is coming from on this one”, or you wouldn’t be reading it at all. I’m not going to get into details here, you know what makes you ugly, try and change it.
- Reflect on the relationship. The good and the bad. The only viable conclusion here should be that they are an idiot and despite your failures, they lose. And they’re probably out with some cheeseball right now, having a terrible time doing whatever they can to stop thinking about you. Now imagine them kissing that cheeseball because they don’t know what else to do. But you do. Think of that until it doesn’t bother you anymore and you loathe them.
- Stop Looking for advice from lists, or from friends, or especially lists on a website that has the word Misanthropy in it.
Chin up, and all that stuff…
A.F.
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Tagged with 10 tips, break up, breakups, get over, getting over, how to get over a breakup, love, misanthropytoday, ten tips
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I found this searching. rough treatment but good, i need it!! thx
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Okay so i am in a long term relationship that has been ongoing, no break ups, and for the most part happiness for the past 2 and a half years. Lately i have been going through all these stages though and i think that i may be anxiety ridden and depressed. i cant get him to get it. I feel so distant and he wants more distance while i need to get closer. I need some advice and your blog seemed one of the most rational of all i have searched. please help.
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well heidi, the best thing you can do is use his weight against him, like judo. If he runs 10 feet away, you run 15 feet in the opposite direction– and try not to look back.
Then, and this is key, if you get the person back, be better to them and everything, but also follow these tips. There’s a saying I heard once that goes:
“even when you’re winning, fight like you’re losing”
I probably saw this on some stupid sports drama or some lifetime movie about a person struggling to make it in the white man’s world, and this may present a mixed metaphor here since I don’t mean to literally fight but instead to do things that improve yourself and give you more self-esteem and value.
Nobody will get tired or bored of you if you’re constantly changing and improving.
Also, you’re probably overweight and needy.
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okay i only weigh a wopping 115 lbs and i think considering all i think i only need him the most reasonable amount
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i’m not sure what you mean heidi.
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4.Move from wherever you live. Your ex knows where you live and they know your stupid roommates, your crapcan furniture and can visualize you sitting at home. Take that away from them.
5. Change your number. I know this seems drastic but its necessary. They have your email, friends’ numbers, IM, etc. if they absolutely must get ahold of you
LOL—I love how you tell people to move residences (which takes days hassles and adjustments) like it’s no biggie but then you say that changing your number (which takes a whole like 20 minutes to do) is drastic –LOL!
@ Heidi: get support from your girlfriends, if you don’t have any…get some.
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rachel, if you’ve had your number for a long time, changing it is serious business…. breakups are hard no matter what, even though it’s hard for me to think so outside of my own situation and my own girl. So it is.
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see the problem with that is that we arent broken up i mean we may be drastically overdue for one but i just cant work up the nerve. i guess i still feel like there is hope of a change but i just havent seen it yet.
i went to the doctor friday and she suggested i see a counselor because i am anxiety ridden (stressed/depressed) and my migraines may be the cause of a syst. Then she also concluded with bloodwork that i have an overactive thyroid and thats why i lost so much weight.
okay so the main problem in my realtionship is this . . . i have all of these problems, need someone i feel i can rely on, am feeling so hopeless and alone and my guy cant be there because he is too busy with the guys and too stubborn to realize something is wrong. This has been ongoing for so long that i dont know what to do. im not ready to throw us away but i cant make him understand that i am not okay.
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heidi, maybe just start spending time apart and if it feels good, do it more and more.
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maybe your right. i know it may be hard but i guess that part of growing up is change and i think that i am dealing with the fact that i hate and i am not accustomed to change. i hope that things get better and thanks a lot for all the help. if you ever need anything you know where to find me and if you ever just want to talk i am open to it. i dont know if you feel like this but i sometimes feel like that poeple are getting harder and harder to relate to me and i think thats just independance . . . i just wish it wasnt so lonely. peace love unity.
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Heidi, I have my 2 cents regarding your situation. It is a little harshl( little slap of reality here)….but follow me If you have been in this relationship for 2+ years, and you are having major health issues from it, WAKE UP girl! You will never get better physically, or mentally, and neither will your relationship. If he doesnt see a problem, he is not that into the relationship… If he is too busy to make time for you,now, he will be too lazy to make up that time later, it wont get better, just worse.. You know when you go out to eat and there is a couple next to you that have the whole meal and coffee in silence? They should have split 20 years ago, but now they are just surviving the day to day bullshit, till they die? Thats you and him darlin,LOOK AT YOUR FUTURE… it starts new every day . Take the effort
and move forward, with or without a relationship, trust me, in the long run you will be way happier…..
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i can get what you are saying but nothing is that simple. i will find a way to work this out and i know that somewhere inside of him he cares. i just wish that he would show it, he dosent ask, he wont pretend to care and i cant just come out and tell without a fight. i am independant enough to leave but i cant make myself because i want so much for him to change. thanks for the input, i have heard much harsher. trust me.
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Heidi, Im sure if we lived in Pleasantville, where discussion about reality NEVER ends in an arguement, because it NEVER is actually discussed, I would have my pom poms
at full speed for ya, and see a wonderful, fulfilling future for you both. READ WHAT YOU WROTE ABOVE. You are the only one putting any energy at all into fixing the deal, YOU
PUTTING ENERGY IN, BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE HIM….Thats a band aid on a radioactive ,cancerous
glow in the dark ,bleeding wound…. If you cant discuss things that are leading to SERIOUS health issues with you, effecting present and future plans all the way around without a fight??? You dont have any relationship at all, not even a friendship with this guy, he proves that after 2.5 years, he can still do WTF he wants and you will be ok with it, because YOU dont want to talk to him about REAL THINGS, because HE will get MAD……PUHLEEZE, the only
thing you have is somebody that will fuck you whenever they feel like it, then get pissed if you show any unwanted attention toward them, that they didnt initiate. Better Grow UP +Open your eyes or you will be the miserable couple in the restaraunt, and prolly have a coupla miserable ass kids to top off the deal
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heidi, maybe you and stoli racing should go on a date.
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I Dunno, once she sees Stoli Racings baggage, her deal WILL look like Pleasantville…lol
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Stoli Racing i dont know what response i can add to this and the input was appreciated to a point but you have jumped the lines i have drawn. i truly think that people can change but it is a whole lot harder to just turn him away than just a couple of words and move on. He used to always be there for me and the issue is that he has changed into someone that i cant rely on. i know that he is having a hard time lately too but i cant get him to see that compared to how he used to talk to me and make the attemp to understand my issues, he has changed. we have been through a lot and i cant state my point enough that i cannot just let go without trying my hardest first.
i am trying but unless you have somethings that i can do to make my attemp more straightforward to him then dont apply your opinions anymore.
AndyFox1979 thanks for the backup, a date couldnt be the worst thing in the world
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Hey Heidi. Maybe Stoli Racing is going through a tough breakup of his own, I dunno.
The only takeaway to be found here, which there probably isn’t one, is that I dont think Stoli’s advice, or anyones for that matter really ever helps anyone who’s on your side of things.
Basically, you being so involved and consumed by the whole situation is probably a big part of the problem. It just makes your boyfriend wanna run further away. He should be happy that it does matter a lot to you, but also might be sorta creeped or “hey if this chick likes me this much, i can prob get a much better one” or something like that.
Anyhow, theres no magic words you can tell your bf that will make him suddenly see whats wrong or make him want to try harder or whatever.
I hate to quote the movie Swingers, but its like the line where he says:
“Look theres nothing you can do to make her want to get back together with you, you can only do things to make her not want to get back together with you.”
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you can be very wise. probably one of the wisest i am yet to talk to on here.
last night he did the thing where he pulls the pity party and says that maybe i dont think enough about him and my reply, why are we together if we have all of these issues and neither of us thinks that we are wrong? i normally would not have said this and i think that the more i thought about what you and even Stolis advice and mainly my friends i got madder. In the end i had an apology and the words “i think your right and im sorry”
it feels good to be able to say how i feel and thanks for the help. i will no longer feel the need to back down to him because why should i. i could have anyone that i wanted and him, not so much. he needs to realize that i do all that i can for him and he needs to respect that.
thanks and i wont hold it against you for quoting Swingers. promise.
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Hope it all works out for you Heidi. The good/bad thing is that is usually does not. That is sort of a cleansing constant, that it will not work out and that you’ll have to sort yourself out, again.
It probably gets easier after awhile, I dunno.
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Okay i have another question. What if he dosent let me do the things that i want to do like go on road trips with my friends but if he wants to its okay? Really that is the biggest problem we have now. Then when i try to defend myself he uses the power of guilt to stop me. I dont understand why he does it only that it makes me feel sucky and like he dosent trust me.
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Heidi…have you looked into CODA (co-dependents anonymous)? There is a lot of literature on it and it might give you the insight you seek. Personally, I think the “trying to work things out” stage is much harder than the break up itself. Good Luck with your journey.
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Heidi, have you looked into alchohol (booze)? It works.
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Ill look into that Rachel and i dont know if a breakup would be less hard. As bad as it is now i think it would be harder to have to look at him after we broke up. I couldnt just get away i would have to see him everyday. If this wasnt the case i most definatly wouldnt put up with all that i do.
AndyFox haha i dont drink but thanks for the advice
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Heidi: Sounds like you’re having a really hard time and that you’re not ready to leave, otherwise you would find a way to close that door behind you.
Are you hoping to meet someone else in the meantime so that you can jump out of a bad relationship into a new relationship? A lot of people do that and it usually ends up biting them in the ass.
From your comments, it sounds like you don’t trust him anymore and that you don’t feel respected in the relationship…what are you getting out of it? We always stick around for some sort of benefit, what is the benefit that you are getting?
Most importantly, why has Andy‘s blog about nothing been the most useful post you’ve found? There are plenty of great advice sites and articles out there.
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Heidi: why did you change your name?
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Excellent.
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My screen name? Well that is what Eric always calls me and i like it, Bold Bright Eyes. I think that i stayed with AndyFox because i thought he would be honest. i know that i dont like honesty sometimes, as dont a lot of people, because it hurts but thats what i feel i needed. I am trying hard to work through all of our problems and my own it is juts hard and taking time.
We are doing better and communicating more thoroughly and that is what i needed. His parents are also going through a divorse and i dont know what to say so i am trying to help him through all of this hurt. If you have any advice on how to comfort him i would like that. thanks for all of the help too by the way. i guess i can find honesy without the brutal part.
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Heidi, the only comfort that he will appreciate is a blow job to completion. Your welcome.
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Well played Lilly, not bad advice.
(not to sharpshoot, but it’s “You’re”.)
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its finaly over and i have had enough. he will get his stuff dropped off at his house and i will find someone new. i have never endured (and never would) with a guy what i have with him just today. i was yelled at and cussed when i called to talk to him and tell him what my doctor said, which was no good news. all i needed was someone to talk to, i was scared and he coulnt even give me that. i honestly have never hated anyone, at least not like this and i am strong enough to know i dont deserve it.
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haha Lilly.
Heidi: what a flip! Sounds like a bunch of drama to me. Hope you get the support you need (without being too needy) to get through it. Like I said before, the working things out phase is a lot harder than the break up itself (for me at least).
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Heidi: I predict you two will be back together within a week…just the way it usually goes. Any bets?
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Emotions play a huge role I think in a relationship. It’s easy for anyone to say ‘get over it’, but that seems to be easier said than done. We can definitely learn from other’s mistakes, which I think is the purpose of this blog. But we will never truly learn until we experience it on our own. It always brings me to sadness when a man truly commits to a woman and never gets anything in return. In my experience that is rare. I guess it is only time that will heal all wounds.
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i appreciate the honesty and things that HighKneeKen threw in and we are still not together and it turns out he already is seeing someone new whom he was seeing while we were together. i did not deserve this and that is all i can say to that. almost 2 years together and he leaves me in a mess like this. i pray to God i never have to talk to him again because if i do, i will only lash out a major ass-chewing that i dont think i have the guts to take without tears.
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Heidi…I think there’s something in the air. I have two friends that just found out their bfs were cheating on them…ugh, disgusting.
I am seriously considering becoming a lesbo, I don’t think they have to put up with this shit…but maybe they do. I don’t know.
I’ve never been cheated on (as far as I know) so I can only suggest getting tested for an std…ew!
Glad to hear you dumped the asshole! Being single is actually a lot of fun…enjoy it.
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Rachel, oh man i am not the only one here who has been cheated on lately either. i am considering dating a very close friend of his just for revenge because now i not only have to look at him and her together i have to watch them touch and kiss. it makes me sick to my stomach. i have actually been eating lunch in an old teachers class to avoid tears. i am being strong though and it would so help if he wasnt mean to me through all of this. he has even gone so far as to having his friends call me and harass me and he drew a picture yesterday of me and my guy friend hanging in a tree. so handling jealousy isnt his forte. he will regret all this i mean he keeps rubbing it in my face that i left before and i said WTF i was in 9th grade an how long was i gone again? not too long. i am considering burning his stuff and hell will freeze over before i give him the puppy i bought him. Freckles is so mine now.
all i can say to him is “payback is a bitch”
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I had no idea this was a high school relationship that was being discussed.
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Uh me too. Heidi, how old are you? This changes things a little.
High school dynamics are way different and should be dealt with carefully.
All I can say is that the best revenge is becoming a better person (I’m totally serious by the way). Oprah says “the best deterrent to racism is excellence.” It’s so true.
With my last break up, he killed me with kindness and it just made me feel like shit if I had said anything mean about him, etc. We are friends today because we didn’t do that whole revenge thing and belittling ourselves. I give him most of the credit for that.
I have a tremendous amount of respect for him and for myself as a result. Do yourself a favor and don’t stoop to his level. Hold your head high and you’ll be a better person as a result. Trust me.
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[...] I found your site searching for breakup advice. I saw the advice you gave it was mean but good!!!!! I need advice and I live in Michigan. My bf [...]
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O. M. G. BaHAHAHAHAHA
that was the craziest lead on ever. I read all the way down, thinking, WOW. this crazy hot baccalaureate holding beauty is being dogged by this douchebag who still lives with his parents. Everyone’s all over her, offering her this Oprah Winfrey-esque advice… then
WHAM!
“I’m in high school.
tee-hee.”
BAHAHAHA
forgive me if I bump this year and a half old thread, but the “you’re” snipe alone was worth it, even if I hadn’t gotten the rofl from the revelation at the end. goodness. that was too much.
“FRECKLES IS ALL MINE!!!”
oh, the lol’ry
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yeah this was pretty intense.a lot of people were checking to see what happened. breakups can be really intense and consuming. i felt bad for this chick until she said she was in the 9th grade
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step 11. Masturbate. Rinse. Repeat. We can learn lots from monkeys.
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