Drive-Thrus At Houses
Yesterday I had to drop something off at a friend’s house and while I did want to drop the item off, I didn’t want to go inside.
But I had to.
Later on I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything all day and I drove by this horrible fast food place. I never eat fast food, but decided it’d been a long time and it wouldn’t hurt.
I ordered this gigantor burger called “The Baconator”.
When I ordered it I did something that I try to do at chain restaurants and that is to try and describe the item as best I can so that I don’t have to say their dumb name for it. I just feel like i’m too good to say names that are made up to excite customers, and they are always so dopey sounding.
The Baconator is not dopey sounding and actually sounds awesome, but I didn’t want anyone overhearing my order to think i’m like there every night ordering one.
The lady with the headset on said through this little speaker: “The Wendy’s Single With Bacon?”.
“Er”, I said, “No, No, the other one”.
I was about to say “Hey look this is just a bad idea, i’m just gonna go”, but I was staring at a photo of the Baconator that was like 3 feet tall, I hadn’t eaten all day and there were cars ahead of me and behind me in the drive-thru.
Before I get to the point of this blog, let me tell you about this Baconator:
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A bun that has like sprinkles (not sesame seeds) on it but the sprinkles taste like nothing but more bun
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Two large pieces of American cheese
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Two quarter-pound beef patties
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six godamn slices of hickory-smoked bacon
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mayonnaise and ketchup. No lettuce
So I drove to this square hole they cut into the side of this Wendy’s and this woman passed me this greasy bag and I drove off into the night.
I hate to say it, but this thing is delicious. Today at lunch I looked at this menu from this corporate lunch place nearby that I always order from and nothing looked as good as the Baconator. I almost jumped up and drove to the nearest Wendy’s to have another one.
Then I stopped myself. I think I shouldn’t eat anymore Baconators.
Anyhow, I was thinking it’d be cool if people had like squares cut in the side of their houses so in case a friend wanted to drop off or pick up something, they could just use that.
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Jeremy
If I had a drive-thru in my house, would you be more inclined to bring back my Idiocracy DVD?
September 12th, 2007 at 3:46 pmAhmad Childress
I issued a fatwa against the baconator last summer
September 12th, 2007 at 4:43 pmAhmad
I have issued a fatwa against this abomination, please respect that. I bet you sprinkled your beloved Bacon Salt all over it’s wretched unholiness too.
September 12th, 2007 at 5:04 pmVKN
funny
September 12th, 2007 at 5:14 pmandyfox1979
@ Jeremy, no it probably wouldn’t help.
@ Ahmad, I’ll have to check, but this may be the first Fatwa issued against a sandwich ever.
September 12th, 2007 at 5:32 pmJoules
Imagine biting into the Baconator and just having grease ooze out into your mouth. Then, as you take swig of icy cold cola, the instant temperature change turns the grease into a mass of coagulated lard. Creamy lard, along with partially masticated cow, processed cheese, ketchup, mayo, and quick-dissolve bread, all washed down with a sugary sodium laced liquid. Do you even realize what you just swallowed?
September 12th, 2007 at 5:55 pmDarrin C.
Wendy’s has the frostie and that is very good and chocolatey. Chocolate and poo is the same color, weird huh? I bet your body takes less efort to turn chocolate into poo because it looks like poo already.
September 12th, 2007 at 6:01 pmandyfox1979
@Darrin, that kind of thinking, although revolutionary and innovative, also seems like the kind of stuff someone thinks when they’re 12.
I dunno, does anyone know if your body takes less time to turn choco into poo?
September 12th, 2007 at 6:06 pmdeficient
lol @ Darrin. I think that comment just made my day.
September 13th, 2007 at 4:05 pmStoli Racing
yes, and mountain dew and lemonade just burn thru your metabolism because they already look like peee peee Darrin
September 14th, 2007 at 11:52 amandyfox1979
Darrin, you should start a blog.. people seem to like your ideas
September 14th, 2007 at 12:06 pmStoli Racing
as far as building a drive thru for the convenience of our parasitic friends, I would have
September 14th, 2007 at 12:10 pmveto that idea, I know I would abuse the shit out of that system,I would be like hmmm,Im hungry, PB+J sounds good,need a jar of peanut butter, which is closer,andys house, or the store?
dam-dam
the first burger tastes the best when you’ve eaten one after not being able to eat a burger for a long time..
the second one won’t match the heavenly experience of the first one though.
September 15th, 2007 at 12:36 pmromi41
Hmm…chocolate gets pooed out faster eh? Well here’s the thing: I don’t wanna commit to an official “diagnosable” eating disorder, like taking laxatives all the time, so instead I will eat ONLY brown things from here forward. This action, according to the newly discovered theory, will have the same effect as taking many laxatives, without the shame of going to the drugstore all the time, to purchase bulk-packs of laxatives…
Good plan?
GREAT plan.
September 17th, 2007 at 6:41 pmPS: A drive-thru window at a house is fantastic; it makes it so much easier to bail on people that you don’t even wanna hang out with; i.e. instead of sitting awkwardly on a couch for half an hour, waiting for an opening, you can just grab your shit and zoom right outta there; PERFECT
andyfox1979
I appreciate the advice dam-dam, and I think you’re right. I haven’t had any more baconators since that one but I do sometimes think about them.
September 24th, 2007 at 3:07 amThe Bagel of Everything
When I was a little me, I wanted to open a drive-through in our house. The window at the end of our trailer (er, excuse me, single-wide pre-fabricated home) was perfect.
My mom told me if I could save up enough condiment packets, she’d think about it.
September 24th, 2007 at 6:44 amProbably I just wanted to wear those totally-radical headphones.
courtney
you’re kind of an a**hole.
September 28th, 2008 at 10:51 am