Misanthropy Today Hates: Dumb Social Networking Bulletins
(Update: I’ve decided to use this blog entry as a chapbook for all stupid bulletins, scroll down to the bottom)
So for some reason I have a few people on my friend list on the various social networking sites (Myspace, Facebook, Friendster, etc) that are complete idiots. Because i’m trying to reach a perfect state of misery nirvana I keep them around.
One of them in particular is responsible for most of these on this list. I’m not going to name names (Sivvorn) but I would be lost without her for this list. I also referenced her in an earlier Opus titled: Why Hot Babes Have Poor Personalities near the aging electronic music dolts area.
Types Of Dumb Social Networking Bulletins:
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The “Hey Can Anyone Tell Me Something That I Could Easily Find With A 2 second Google Search?” Bulletin
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The “Hey Can Someone Answer This Question For Me Which Is Really Not A Question But More Of A Braggy Hint Or Maybe A Cry For Attention Hint-Question?” Bulletin (i.e.. What luxury car brand should I buy? (or) Is it ok to wake up and want to kill myself?)
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The “What’s Up This Weekend Not That I Care Because I Am Going To <more awesome place>” Bulletin
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The “I’m sooo Bored” Bulletin. Whenever I hear someone over the age of 13 say “i’m borrred”, I want to be like “You’re just now noticing this? How old are you?” Yeah life is boring most of the time, maybe you’ve noticed.
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The “What Are Some Good Places To Go On Vacation Because I Have Time Off And Disposable Income And I Really Just Want To Talk About How I Like Vacationing” Bulletin. Whew, that one was a mouthful. I’m looking at you as I write this girl named above.
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The “Countdown To Vacation That Nobody Else But I’m Going On And Therefore Nobody Gives A Shit Except Maybe Well Meaning Female Friends And Horny Asshole Guys Who Care About Every Driblet Of Dumb That Falls Out Of My Mouth” Bulletin.
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The “Humorous Appeal To Come To See My Band Play With A Misleading Subject Line” Bulletin
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The “Vague, Belabored, Please Ask Me Whats Wrong/Great In My Life” Bulletin
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The “Lulz, Check Out This Funny Article On THE ONION” Bulletin. The Onion you say, eh? I will need to investigate this Onion thing further.
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The “I’m A Helpless Girl And Need Some Horny Asshole To Help Me With Something That I Should Probably Pay An Electrician, Contractor, Mechanic Or Day Laborer To Do” Bulletin.
That about covers it. Because I know you guys love to see real life examples, below is a bulletin from our friend and anti-hero of this epic entry:
Hi Friends. Did anyone else just throw up??
And in case you didn’t see the bulletin:
Collection Of Stupid Bulletins:
Wow, our friend is back with more stupidity (endless material from this one):
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andyfox1979
by the way, if any of you myspace or IM her and make her privvy to this blog entry, you’re a tool. And she prob wont do it with you because she’s probably being crawled on by some french canuck as we speak.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:41 amRyan
Generally, people who use social networking sites like those listed above are idiots. Trust me when I say that it is not just your friends.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:16 pmromi41
Holy crap I was crying from laughter throughout this entire post….I CANNOT imagine what sort of reaction a person hopes to illicit, when they throw down the whole “don’t be sad if you don’t hear from me because I’m awesome and I know you will be sad…AND, since I only have 100 text messages on my plan and they’ll get used up super-fast ’cause I’m so fucking popular, only message me if your text is as fucking awesome as me”….yeah..lol…seriously who is this bitch? We sound like kindred spirits…
Oh but wait…just to keep things honest, my current Facebook status is “Romi is listening to “Garbage” (the band)…why? Just effin’ ’cause…”
Hmm…does that make me one of these bulletin assholes? Perhaps, though I don’t require any sort of response for putting up a “status update” like that, and I don’t use my status-updates to boast about my vacations/weekends/assorted bling, but any-hoo, who am I trying to convince? I have lots of friends and people love me. So THERE.
November 25th, 2007 at 4:43 pmandyfox1979
haha romi… no kidding. I don’t know if your status on facebook would draw my ire for two reasons:
1) I don’t really use facebook
2) You’re just saying what band you’re listening to.
The #2 is probably in hopes that someone on your friends list will be like:
“garbage? I love them, especially that one song:______” and then that will segue into why you’re listening to the song, probably because of some brawny investment banker who hasn’t called in three days, or maybe because some brawny investment banker hasn’t called you ever.
In any case, it’s ok and a perfectly reasonable use of bulletins or whatever it is you used.
November 25th, 2007 at 4:55 pmromi41
I’m SO glad to not draw your ire..yay!
November 25th, 2007 at 6:35 pmHaha..it’s funny, there is always that chance of getting the “garbage? really?” response, and then of course the segue…maybe not an investment banker though, but some semi-related “hasn’t called” business, though half of the interactions of this quasi-real contact exist in my head…sorry.. what was I saying here? Hmm, time to switch from Garbage to depressing Coldplay-playlist….and perhaps a little vintage Sinead O’Connor for good measure…
Steve
I just messaged Sivvorn, and told her what you are up to. I think you need to learn how to respect woman, and treat them the way they deserve to be treated bro. Thats not cool.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pmRachel
Andy, you didn’t mention those questionnaires that we heart so much with misleading titles or the random things people post with like this scary stuff at the end “if you don’t repost, you will have bad luck for 7 years” and shit like that….ugh.
What was that girl thinking???
Replies she thought she would get:
1. I’m a hot and tall guy and would love to come to your friend’s birthday, even though I won’t be getting any, I’m sick of women always falling in love with me so this sounds like a great situation. Anyway, I’m kinda bored with looking at myself in the mirror this week and need others to enjoy my hottness so, I’ll be there.
2. I’m not hot but I’m tall and I never get invited to anything so is it still ok if I come?
3. I’m hot and short, I can wear tall shoes and believe me …your friends will want to hook up with me.
4. I’m HOT and TALL and am happy to be used by you and your friends for your entertainment.
5. I’m HOT and TALL and you seem to not have a good personality so, I will be attending this very attractive event since us hot guys are used to dating hot girls with a horrible or no personality.
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:46 pm