Misanthropy Today

I’ve been to 6 weddings this summer. I’m just at that age I guess.

I went to a wedding over the weekend and it was gorgeous. The location was very old Los Angeles, a banquet room at Union Station: super high ceilings, stucco (adobe maybe?) walls, spanish tile floor, indoor balconies, stairs, etc. I’m not good at describing places, here’s a picture of the location:

I heard Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas was there. Dr Dre was supposed to come too. Seriously.

The couple was really happy, you could see it in them. They’ve been dating for 9 years. The groom claimed that he did the “kill move” on her when he first met her. The kill move is when you just walk up and kiss someone you don’t know. I’ve done it before. I have about a 40% success rate with it. The 60% though went bad, like getting slapped; getting slapped is so degrading.

Anyhow, this wedding was amazing. I’ve thought about what makes a wedding good and i’ve always focused on location, time of year and crowd and that kind of thing but its really the couple.

The entire time I was walking around drinking and swaying, saying nice things about the groom. This is normally what people do at weddings but it’s not often that you can like yammer on about how innately good and decent someone is and totally mean it. The bride was just as good and decent. It sorta takes your breath away, when you see a good happy couple like that.

It makes you want to be good, too.

Everyone was drinking and dancing and carrying on until we were told we had to go home or at least somewhere that wasn’t the Fred Harvey Room at Union Station.

At this wedding I heard a story about a guy who was a total jerk and he had a lavish wedding with some really ridiculous amenities, and almost nobody came.

This place was packed.

This story was told while we were about to leave and loading up a few bottles of leftover wine, which was totally ok with everyone, just to give you an idea about how decent these people are.

Sidenote: Get Married Old Or Young?

To shift gears for a second here i’ve also given a lot of thought about getting married somewhat young. It seems like a lot of people wait until they’re old and sorta ugly or at least beginning their descent. It’s like people get married when they think they need to lock someone down before their options start to dwindle.

This seems backwards, that we give multiple useless strangers all of our good young years and then we give our soulmate the crap years. I don’t want anyones crap years.

I decided a long time ago that i’ll get married by the time i’m 30.

Neighbors

An ex girlfriend of mine and I used to pretend that we were neighbors who shared common areas, like the shower. It was a running joke. Couples always have private jokes. It’s one of the best parts of a relationship I think. She’d get into the shower while i was in there and start washing up and be like:

“Hey Bill, how’s it going? Good to see you”

“Pretty good and yourself?”

“Job good?”

While we’re both ass naked.

This story is useful because I think we pretended that we were neighbors to try and forget the fact that we had to share common areas and really couldn’t escape each other in the foreseeable future. Which was good and bad. We thought it was good at the time. Also it was sorta funny. I really go in for that kind of performance art.

Recap

So lets recap here, if you want to have a good wedding you need:

• to be a good person
• to find an equally good person to marry
• love said person and be able to emote that
• not be too old
• consent to the fact that you will not have any personal space or much privacy (”Hey Bill, good to see you”)
• have good friends that adore you

There are a few minor rules too, like send the kids and grandfolks home around 9. A nice location is always a plus, and an open bar never hurt anything.

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