Misanthropy Today

Fig 1. Two Filipina Daredevils

One of my favorite figures of speech to describe when someone flips out is “Bakersfield Chimp”, named after the monkey who brutally beat and castrated a Bakersfield, Calif. man a few years ago.

Example: The Boss really went Bakersfield Chimp over the Q3 earnings report.

“San Francisco Tiger” doesn’t roll off the tongue as dulcetly as BC does, but i’d go up against two monkeys for every tiger.

From a young age i’ve believed that I will one day be killed by an animal, the most likely culprits being a snake or a shark.

We bring the kings of the animal world into our cities and keep them in zoos because we marvel at their power and ferocity. It’s funny that when one escapes and shows us the kind of things they like to do (beat people up, eat other animals, etc), we’re all shocked as hell.

Where did that asshole tiger go wrong?

I heard on the news today:

Zookeepers in San Francisco are reporting that the man may have been taunting the tiger prior to the attack.

The fact that our college educated media tries to explain wild animal behavior with human apologias really harms that professions’ integrity (I use both terms loosely).

Fig 2. Animal Taunters

They also failed to observe that every person who has ever visited a zoo has taunted animals. Standing there looking at them, grinning, drinking a cherry Icee is taunting them you idiots.

Anyhow, lets reflect on a simpler time when cartoon tigers helped youngsters serve unnecessarily evil and competitive kids with a sports-related comeuppance:

[youtube id Dy0zc63ymw4]

Go Tiger!

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