Misanthropy Today

I got an email over the weekend.

It made me think of my friend Chris Yeh, who recently started a blog called Ask The Harvard MBA.

I told Chris that i’d be starting the Ellsworth Toohey of advice sites soon. He laughed.

Anyhow I get this message:

To: andyfox1979@yahoo.com

From: xxxxxxx1986@xxxxx.com

Subject: Relationship Advice

Hi Andy

I found your site searching for breakup advice. I saw the advice you gave it was mean but good!!!!! I need advice and I live in Michigan. My bf said he needs some time apart from me and he still loves me and just needs time alone. It’s been 3 weeks and he wont pick up my calls. What do I do?

Ashley

Here’s my response:

Ashley-

I don’t really know much about breakups because I’ve only had one or two and they taught me almost nothing. Since you live in Michigan though, I’ll try my best.

A friend, Robert Wxxxxx , went to college in Michigan until he dropped out and instead of becoming an Engineer became a television writer. Imagine studying hard science and math just to write corny television shows: What a fool-ass turkey!

I read a lot about science, and innately I know that Physics is important to life.

For one example: all matter can absorb energy.

Your socks make you shock yourself if you walk lazily on carpet– but your socks aren’t shock-machines. They’re just socks. Your laziness made them shock machines.

Bad example.

I mean to say is that all matter can and is charged with energy.

Right now you have “dumped” and “pathetic” energy infused into your matter. Your boyfriend has “free” and “independent” charged matter. Believe me you walk, talk, breathe and sleep that pathetic energy. He does too. How would it ever match up again?

Similarly, a nice glass of Bordeaux is made of grapes from the Bordeaux region in France, which have absorbed sunrays and dirt and just general fanciness from that region. When you have a taste of that wine, you are tasting that energy— and you probably feel fancy and excellent, too (in fairness, i’ve had about 4-5 glasses of that energy tonight).

You might think this is crazy or doesn’t make sense, but if you don’t believe in energy on a molecular level how then do you believe in something as crazy as antibiotics or UV sunlight rays?

Simply put: you need to change your energy.

That box of cookies next to your bed— that is apart of the bad energy– don’t hide it, I already saw them. It’s not only radiating against you, but you’re putting it directly into your mouth. Probably two or three units at a time!

You need the same molecular structure you had when you met your boyfriend, when you were free and happy and independent. Returning to that state might take a lot of work, but while his energy is in a positively charged state now it can only exist as such with the presence of a negative state: that negative state is yours. Devoid of that he is a neutrally charged arrangement of molecules and is scientifically unstable.

The following equation may assist you:

AB + e—–> AB-*—–> A + B-

Ashley, your molecules are incongruous with his at this point. It’s interesting/sad to think that it’s all that life is right? Molecules and chemicals? Well chin up, he probably knows precious little about science so you have the upperhand.

Molecules and life are always changing–they rely on it to survive. So change, and watch him change.

Thanks for the email.

AF

Here is the response I got:

Thanx!

Ash

Oh well.

*I am thinking of starting an Ellsworth Toohey advice site, so send your emails to andyfox1979@yahoo.com

Related posts:

1. 10 Tips For Getting Over A Breakup
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