Misanthropy Today Hates: The Prius!

I’ve always made cracks at the Prius and Prius owners, never really addressing the topic head on because I figured everyone knew that the car was a joke and it’s drivers were stupid assholes…..

Then I talked to someone today who told me with a straight-face that Priuses are saving the earth.

Sweet jesus what nation of fools we live in.

Prius owners are such smug bastards, driving around their long flat spaceship ALWAYS with an obnoxious liberal bumper sticker on the back.

But i’m not going to even get into what phonies the owners are, I will just show some simple math and point out some key problems with the Prius.

For comparison, I will use a 2008 Chevrolet Aveo, since Prius owners often rejoice at the relative merits of their cars compared with “American Cars”.

#1: The Prius Is Unneccessarily Big

There is no reason why the Prius needs to be such a tank. Fuel economy isn’t the only environmental factors you point-missers. The Prius takes up the same amount of space as any other car does and requires the same amount of metal, plastic, rubber, alloys, etc. etc. to build.

A big factor in street and highway congestion is the sheer size of cars and how much space they displace.

To think of this simply, 2 or 3 smart cars could fit on a stretch of road that Lincoln Navigator displaces. If you apply this to every car on the road, theres a lot more road available if all cars were a bit smaller.

You would think this marvel of environmentally conscious machinery would account for taking up space on the freeway, on the curb, in a landfill— right? Not exactly.

Width/Length

2008 Prius: 67.9″/175″

2008 Chevy Aveo: 65.7″/153″

Wow, 2 inches wider and 22 inches longer than that gas guzzling Chevy! Well, at least it’s made of lightweight alloys and polymers, right?

Well….

Curb Weight

2008 Prius: 2932 lbs

2008 Chevy Aveo: 2343 lbs

Doh! 600lbs?!

#2 The Prius Gets Good Gas Mileage, But Not That Good

Gas mileage is important, but when that becomes the only criteria you’ll run into problems. For example, many motorcycles get 90-100MPG. That’s double what a Prius gets.

The thinking generally is, sure they get great gas mileage but only one person can ride a motorycle whereas many people can ride in a car.

However, if you’re a self-righteous liberal wanker with angry bumper stickers calling for an impeachment of a President which the process would take longer than is left in his term, you probably don’t have any friends.

You’ll notice two interesting bits about the picture above, #1 this gentle fella is wearing the flag of Zimbabwe as a sweatshirt, and #2 he has no friends around him, even the other nearby liberals (check out gray shirt guy) won’t even make eye contact. Carpooling? I doubt it.

Fuel Economy
2008 Prius: 45MPG

2008 Chevy Aveo: 34MPG

If you’re sitting at an office chair with wheels on the bottom, please switch to a stationary chair. I’m about to blow your mind and your chair could fly across the room because of the explosion:

The Prius gets 45MPG and the Aveo 34.

But if you notice that you always see these North Face windbreaker owners driving by themselves, then here’s what happens when an Aveo has a passenger:

It’s nearly twice as earth friendly as the Prius.

Further mind blowingness:

You often see a big ugly Hummer pounding down the road, full of teenagers and parents. That Hummer gets 18MPG. Now, if there are 4 riders in the Hummer vs. 1 Passenger in the Prius, the Hummer is also TWICE as earth friendly as the Prius!

You’re telling me that with synergy hybrid power you can only make a goddamned passenger car twice as fuel efficient as a HUMMER?

Carpooling used to be the green thing to do, back when being green wasn’t all about being self-righteous. The problem with carpooling is that it disperses the eco-points among several people, whereas when you’re whizzing down the road in your Prius, they’re all yours baby.

Update:

A bastard reader has made this photoshopped picture of me to punish me for speaking out against the Prius.