“Into The Wild” Sucks, Big Time
Into The Wild is one of those movies that, after you watch it in horror you go to read the reviews for solace. But none is found. This film only reminds you how hopelessly stupid, gullible and indiscriminate your fellow humans are.
Isn’t this a great party?
I’m stupid for even watching this movie in the first place. I rent movies from one of those kiosks at the supermarket. On a weekend-night, I have 25-30 choices, usually bad ones like this. When I bring these DVDPlay dvd’s to work to finish watching in my office, my boss makes fun of me for renting DVDs from the supermarket, like a bumpkin.
Arguably, renting movies online and waiting three days to arrive by mail is the wave of the future.
So I end up with Into The Wild. Coming from Sean Penn you can expect wrong-headed hippie nonsense, and this is no exception. This movie is based on a novel, of which is based on a true story.
Most of the main facts are here.
This is the story of Chris McCandless who after graduating from Emory, ditches his excess college money (i’m sure we can all remember those days), turns down a new car and Harvard Law School admission to travel the west to the wilderness of Alaska.
The actor who plays Chris, Emile Hirsch, delivers a TV-movie worthy performance. His visceral on-screen response to nature can only be described as Richard Kline-esque.
Along his journey, Chris stops in small towns where well-known actors are performing cameos. During his stops, he quickly becomes known as “the guy who’s heading to Alaska”, and they all wish him well and ask him advice about life and nature.
When he leaves his newish friends look off into the distance with a “he’s gonna make us proud one day” look coupled with a triumphant background score.
If you’re a rube, you’ll feel warm inside during these parts.
For most of the movie, you hear voice-overs from his sister who paints him as a martyr who was fighting against the tyranny of yuppie NASA-employed parents, and the degrading cotton fields of new cars and Ivy League schools.
Yeah, we get it—the reluctant rich kid. Can we move on?
Nope, says Sean Penn, we can’t.
1,000 ethanol buses could travel Chris’ journey using the corn from the voice-overs alone.
Each one is laughably more corny than the last, and never deviate from the Chris=Jesus theme. The similes and analogies would embarrass a Hallmark greeting card writer.
Chris then drives his Datsun to the Arizona desert where he parks it and falls asleep. It’s quickly ruined by a flash flood. Before he parks the camera pans over a sign that says “Danger: Flash Floods”.
This, unintentionally, hammers home a few key points:
- Chris sure aint smart.
- Nature sure hates Chris.
Then, for some reason that isn’t explained, he burns his money that he earned working on Vince Vaughn’s wheat farm next to the ruined Datsun and heads off.
After some useless sequences of Chris in Mexico and Los Angeles, he arrives in Alaska.
Mr Wilderness hits the trail and sets up camp in the epitome of Walden’s natural self-reliance: an old broken down schoolbus.
With him is a bag of rice, a .22 rifle, sleeping bag, and some boots. That he chooses an old broken down schoolbus as a shelter is confusing for the viewer thinking they are watching someone looking to escape the trappings of the modern world. But it’s also telling. It’s also what really happened.
A few weeks later Chris dies of starvation in the schoolbus, 8 miles away from a town and 3 miles away from a major highway. Had he taken a good map he could’ve easily walked to safety.
I hated this movie.
It furthers our national delusion that high-minded ideals without substance, education or work are still valuable. Intent, not outcome is what matters, it seems to say.
For self-hating rich assholes like Sean Penn or Christopher McCandless, being rich and privileged sure is a nasty way to go through life— but you can document your kicking and screaming and sell it for money and fame, like one tried to do and one is successfully doing.
The interesting thing about self-hating rich assholes like Sean Penn or Christopher McCandless is that while they spout their idealistic bullshit— their path to enlightenment— they never try to actually help anybody.
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Bill
DAMM HIPPIES
May 14th, 2008 at 12:42 amRachel
He didn’t die of starvation, he ate a poisonous berry. Fantastic movie.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:43 amandyfox1979
He died of starvation. He ate a poisonous berry which made him feel sick (since he hadn’t eaten anything else). The movie made it seem like it was the berry’s fault in order to mask the fact that he couldnt find any GD food out there.
May 14th, 2008 at 12:53 amdamo
this review is a piece of shit, you obviously are just like the rest of the worthless people who idolise monetary gain.
you also have not read the book and your preconceptions of sean penn also stop you from seeing the main points. take a good look at yourself! Maybe you should try not being so judgmental before trying to analyse someone elses life seeing as how this is based on McCandless. Your review sucked. You suck.
June 7th, 2008 at 7:22 amandyfox1979
nice counterpoint damo. what did i miss?
June 8th, 2008 at 12:12 amKrashengun
To the people defending this movie: stop.
To Sean Penn: STOP MAKING MOVIES.
To anyone who is thinking of watching this movie: don’t.
ditch this crap.
June 8th, 2008 at 10:46 pmTaxi
This movie review is excellent!!! I wish I had not seen this movie, I was dumb enough to see it in the theater. Talk about a self centered person, McCandless cared about no one but himself.
July 1st, 2008 at 9:47 pmdanny
for you to say this is a bad movie is embarrassing
as damo said you obviously have not read the book
it is a fantastic novel and movie and doesnt deserve to be insulted by your pathetic mind. Yes maybe you shouldn’t have watched this movie the reason being you don’t understand it and your too blind-sighted to appreciate its beauty and its enwonderment
you do suck
September 15th, 2008 at 4:03 pmandyfox1979
with someone who’s email handle is “dannydahottite” (@ a “hot” place for email) I didn’t expect such an intelligent, persuasive criticism of my post.
Blind-sighted is not a figure of speech, and is redundant. Blindsided is a figure of speech, it means to be taken by surprise.
Merriam Webster will have dannydahottie to thank for this gem: enwonderment.
Danny, people like you remind me why I write this blog. I am rejuvenated.
September 15th, 2008 at 4:09 pmraul2speed
The ReView Sucks BiG TiMe.
The Movie is Awesome. Its Damn Worth a HiT.
And,
The Reviewer is a Big Time MoTherFucker AssHole and a Big Time MoroN!!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pmandyfox1979
Raul whats with the cap-lower-cap-lower typing? You know people have joked about that for several years now and most people have cut it out. It’s the web equivalent of the mullet, odd that you haven’t been told yet.
“Damn worth a hit” what the hell does that mean?
How did you find this review? Most people find it by googling “into the wild sucks”, are you just looking for an argument? If so come to los angeles. I was in vietnam and i’m an expert martial artist.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:42 pmdan
Everyone’s entitled to their opinion I suppose. I haven’t seen this movie but my friend suggested it to me thinking that I might find it interesting though he himself called it “a little boring”! Based on your review it doesn’t sound like a very compelling film. I probably won’t watch it.
But your opinion of it certainly is coloured by your dislike for Sean Penn (I ain’t a big fan of his either btw) and the lifestyle of those who think too radically differently from yourself. Your rebuttal comments above support the impression that you like to win arguments by making semi-witty superficial observations and unsupported attacks on people’s character… basically the “grown up” equivalent to name-calling in the school yard. You capped it off nicely with an empty claim of being a martial arts expert which is supposed to somehow be supported by the previous claim of having been in Vietnam (I guess you were trying to say you’re a dangerous person?). Scary.
Btw, a “self hating rich asshole” is more respectable than a bitter, whiny, world hating misanthropist for the simple reason that the former is at least in the vicinity of humble self-betterment while the latter merely complains that the world is not how he or she wants it to be.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:04 pmmonkey
The review is accurate. The movie sucks! The sister tried to make Chris sound like a hero when in reality he was a moron. I have camped out quite a bit and the one thing I learned about camping is to be prepared. McChandless made a choice not to be prepared and paid the price for it. One can hardly call him a hero. Horrible movie indeed.
October 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pmemily
You can blow me, because this was the greatest movie ever made.
October 15th, 2008 at 4:37 pmjohn
You obviously have no idea what you are talking about. This was a very good movie, and its clear you have no taste for movies.
October 15th, 2008 at 5:50 pmBritta
He didn’t die from a poisonous berry. He died from eating potato seeds that had mold on them. It was an honest mistake. Read the book, don’t watch the movie.
And stop analyzing people. You can analyze the movie all you want but making rude comments about people is just immature. And don’t you think thats a little insensitive to be saying stuff like that about someone who died?
October 27th, 2008 at 9:10 amKamelle
It’s true, the movie sucked and was way overblown. I can’t believe you didn’t mention the laughable, ridiculous soundtrack provided by none other than the washed up Eddie Vedder, wailing away as Chris stood on a mountaintop in triumph. Just plain silly. But to be fair, the book was a lot better, and less pushy. The author didn’t glorify Chris as much (rightfully see, Jesus he wasn’t). The book was just a lot more informative, and therefore interesting.
Emile Hirsch makes me want to vomit.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:23 pmMiles Rhoden
This review is perfect. Chris McCandless was a retarded person that we’re supposed respect for being stupid enough to go and die in alaska? Yeah right. But that Moose he shot and then felt terrible about- I understand. Sometimes when I point a gun at something and pull the trigger I am surprised that it dies too. But with a .22? He could have written in that damn journal that he fought a dragon, and Sean Penn would have taken it as gospel. This movie is a stupid waste of time.
November 9th, 2008 at 5:21 pm