Misanthropy Today

Recently I uncovered that I had sent several women identical love letters (emails, actually) in the past. It wasn’t on purpose but my vocabulary and means of expressing myself is limited I guess. Sameness is a big problem for me. I of course don’t like it but like most things you don’t like, it’s only because you’ve been forced to spend much time with them.

So much of my time is spent trying to avoid sameness that it turns out— well, just like constant avoiding which from 50 feet away looks like a guy just sitting there thinking about things. It feels about the same inside your body just more dizzy.

I refuse to eat at certain restaurants, Denny’s for one. I also refuse to eat the same type of food twice in one day. I take that back, earlier this year I had pizza 4 times in two days. I was listening to these tapes a friend loaned me (self-help nonsense) and it was about following your instincts. Cue up me walking into my apartment building and I see a flier for a pizza covered with toppings. It dawned on me that Pizza has all 4 food groups and is therefore healthy and easily had. Note that I also decided that the 4 Food groups were also primary to health, especially if all in one package (Tacos and Hamburgers for two).

Girl A and I would cook pancakes and listen to records on Sunday mornings, lightheartedly.

Girl B and I would also cook pancakes and listen to records on Sunday mornings, lightheartedly.

My understanding of the two identical events (or emails, in the earlier example) was probably different. I probably felt that Girl B would appreciate my records and pancakes* (Pancakes are funny) more than Girl A had, who listening to records and eating pancakes felt slight and as if only partially experienced.

Even if this doesn’t work out, and while the experience may have been similar it wasn’t the same. There is also same-bad and same-good. If pancakes with Girl B were exceedingly more slight than they were with Girl A this is same-bad. If it was better, then Same-Good.

The main problem is I run out of material after a few weeks. This might sound shitty but most people do after a few days if they’re lucky. So I need some help. A good friend of mine will start a conversation with me in the morning, while I’m half awake with “Oh fuck…” (referring to the previous night). What an icebreaker.

He’s a really smart guy and so self-possessed and unaware. This makes him fun to hang out with because he always has different things to talk about and isn’t worried that you aren’t “into” what he’s talking about.

Being this great, it almost seems like he’s hiding some secret, like he can’t fucking read or something. I wish that was true kinda. Then me and the gang could help him. As it went on we’d snicker a little bit while reading Curious George with him, but come on learning to read ain’t free man.

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