Misanthropy Today

Chris White just started blogging with a site called DonkeyEatingAWaffle check out his site, add it to your RSS feed, etc. I promise you it will be funny. Here’s His First post– AF

I’m nothing if not lazy so I figured for my first post I would utilize my tried and true Potpourri format of listing things that bother me and subsequently explaining why they bother me.  Does anyone else on the internet complain?  Did I invent that?  Yes?  Fantastic.

Orange Nail Polish on Broads

I’m a noticer, I notice things.  If I tell you I didn’t notice something I’m lying to prevent a conversation I didn’t wish to have at that time.  When it comes to broads, I notice almost everything.  This orange nail polish is a particularly disturbing trend because the bright color demands attention and then immediately repulses.  It reminds me of girls when I was in grade school coloring their nails in with a highlighter.  I can’t tell you how many office crushes I have had been extinguished (at least for a week) by this product.  Also vexing, I can’t figure out who these women are copying.  I understand why teen pregnancy is a fad, celebrities do it.  Orange nail polish?  No dice.

Annoying Hipster Broads

(I would have put a picture up but it probably would have ended up being a co-worker which I find rude as far as publishing to the World Wide Web.)

Girls aren’t funny so they try to approximate humor.  If you are a girl who is into hipster douche bag / faux nerd guys, what you are probably going to do is read a few webpages and figure out that other people who aren’t funny like to tell even more people who aren’t funny that they like pirates and ninjas and zombies and the Goonies or what have you.  Girls have been getting away with this because such losers generally congregate and the douche bag hipsters are just going along with letting the girl think she is “one of the cool girls” because she lets them feel her boobs.  Unfortunately this group of nerds needs to earn money to dress up like wizards on the weekends so they get jobs where I have to intermingle and thus am forced to observe the loser mating dance.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

I know it’s not hard to find things to dislike about an organization with its head so far up its ass but I still think it’s odd that the average idiot is not outraged by these people.  First of all, they put thousands of animals to sleep because they consider it more ethical than allowing them to live at the pound or wherever, and it’s rather nice to know they are the moral authority in the matter.  Mainly the thing that bothers me about them is just how unreasonable they are, followed at a close second, by how retarded celebrities are that hop into bed with them.  For instance, PETA came to my mind this evening because I read an article about how they asked Ben & Jerry’s to stop using cow milk and start using human milk.  First of all, where the fuck would they get that much human milk?  Second of all, it’s just such a smug publicity stunt for an organization that I am not sure has done one ounce of good for anyone or anything.  I would have LOVED to write that Ben & Jerry’s press release in response.

“Dear PETA,

Thank you for taking time out of your busy day of killing dogs and cats by lethal injection to suggest we use milk from people instead of cows around which an industry has existed for hundreds of years.  We at Ben & Jerry’s applaud PETA’s stance that crippling the agriculture industry is just what the doctor ordered in this time of economic prosperity.”

Then PETA goes and does their “edgy” little “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” campaign.  First of all, how big of a problem is this really?  When was the last time you saw anyone in real life wearing fur?  At a fashion show in a magazine?  What is that?  Like five minx a year?  And does anyone miss five super mean and vicious weasel things?

Second, how effective is an ad against fur that I can easily masturbate to?  It’s your most popular campaign?  Any ideas on why that might be?  Lord knows no one ever made money in the pornography business…  Also, you’d rather go naked than wear fur?  No shit?  You are a supermodel and live in California.  Might be a different story if you were an ugly broad in Siberia.

Older Broads Who Won’t Date Me

Why am I attracted to older women?  I have my theories but nothing that I care to share.  Why won’t they date me?  Because I have the personality, acne, and financial stability of a fifteen year old.  This is an especially brutal topic because I work in a building bustling with knock outs in their 30’s+.  Unfortunately I live in Los Angeles where these women can date rich night club owners and not Kansas where I could be cleaning up and eventually murdered by a cuckolded husband.

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