Misanthropy Today

When you’re wronged your first instinct might be to dust off your flamethrower and be prepared to crawl into any sewer drain in Chinatown to find the perpetrators.

I just write bad stuff about them here instead.

Here’s what happened to me:

Around the age of 28 I became very interested in my credit score and joined freecreditreport.com (rel=nofollow you bastards! Take that!) to “seize control of my credit destiny!”.

I really go in for those rich media banner ad slogans.

So a year or so later, tired of seeing their patented “Triple Protection” service on my bank account statements I go in to cancel my membership. My credit score had raised a measily 25 points in that time and I feel relatively safe that nobody will try and steal my identity, and if they do, well they might get approved for a Sears or Mervyn’s card.

Here’s how most online services work when you want to cancel them. You go to a section called “Account” or “Dashboard” or “Match.com Member Area” and you find an area that says “Cancel Membership” or sometimes they say “Pause Subscription” (very non-judgemental, that one, yeah, you Match.com).

Here’s what FreeCreditReport.com’s cancel membership area says (Buried in the FAQs no less!):

How do I cancel my membership?

If for any reason you are not satisfied, you can cancel anytime to discontinue your membership to Triple Advantage Credit Monitoring and stop the monthly billing. However, you will not be eligible for a prorated refund of any portion of your current month’s paid membership fee. To cancel, please contact Customer Care at 1-888-829-6560.

https://www.freecreditreport.com/FAQ.aspx?SiteVersionID=739&SiteID=100133&Status=A&sc=668212&bcd=&csid=False#(false-as-in-good-luck-cancelling-your-account-asshole)

What.The.Fuck.

Anytime eh? That’s interesting 8:30PM tonight falls into the “anytime” category for me, but I got some recording saying they weren’t open.

Experian’s copywriters don’t know what ‘anytime’ means.

an·y·time (n-tm)

adv.

At any time.

an·y (n) adj.

1. One, some, every, or all without specification:

Well, I did do one thing. I gave them a new credit card number, which they can use anytime.

(Notice the usage of “any time” this time around)

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