American Apparel Sucks
Monday, 31 Mar 2008
This morning I decided that American Apparel has had a long and successful run and it’s time to put a stop to it.
I’m hereby issuing a fatwa against American Apparel.
- You are not to wear these garments, especially if you are a male or over the age of 23.
- Your band or website is to stop bragging that OUR SHIRTS ARE AMERICAN APPAREL ! Henceforth, this statement will be only used as a joke to describe something unnecessarily gay. e.g. I think Bob’s Honda Civic was made by American Apparel.
- If you are wearing a piece of American Apparel’s Irony collection that looks like something from the 70′s or 80′s deduct 25 points from your overall score as a human. Also expect others to treat you as though you’re wearing nazi memorabilia.
What does the word APPAREL even mean? Type it 10 times and you’ll stare at it like it must be misspelled–but its not; it’s just that dumb.
Here is why American Apparel is against God:
- It’s soft sure, but very thin and shrinks
- The shirts aren’t complimentary to the figures of those pushing 30 who don’t eat carefully
- Because of its cute thinness, its impossible to keep it unwrinkled and you’ll walk around looking like Samuel Adams all the time and people will laugh at you
- Because of the shrinking and Samuel Adams problem, you will never wear the shirt unless you’re a flaming hipster who thinks looking like crap all the time makes people mistake them for a member of the band The Strokes.
- Everyone thinks AA is great and will tell you with a perverse smirk that “it’s american apparel”. Next time someone says this to you, spill a cup of coffee on them. Then say sorry. Then do it again.
In addition to general ridicule and violence towards American Apparel wearers, please also write your congressman and suggest that American Apparel is giving our country a bad name and request that they be forced to change their trademark to Switzerland Apparel or some other country that really has it coming to them.
Peace be with you.
RandomRED“> Posts
Loading…
value=”YToxOntzOjc6InBvc3RfaWQiO2k6MTkwO30=” />
Posted in humor
Tagged with american apparel, band t shirts, boycott, faggotry, fatwa, samuel adams, shrink, sucks, the strokes, thin, wrinkly
Tagged with american apparel, band t shirts, boycott, faggotry, fatwa, samuel adams, shrink, sucks, the strokes, thin, wrinkly
Loading ...
This is your best work since the heath ledger cookie monster post
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
This is an awesome post. We love it!
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
it’s good to have you back Tom. I was worried.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
You’re just mad because you have to wear collared shirts now and they don’t make any that fit your husky frame. That having been said, I don’t like that shit either.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
Hey, I issue the fatwas around here not you! In this one case I will grant you a temporary fatwa issuance permit, which is only good for 72 hours. American Apparel is fatwa worthy not because of their new wave porn inspired ads or for their gratuitous use of the crotch shot, but for their adherence to making clothes that only people who weigh 60-160 lbs can wear.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
i digg it
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
The WORST thing about American Apparel is their completely incomprehensible business model – they ALWAYS discontinue the most popular colors and randomly don’t carry certain sizes and colors. I would have bought several hundred dollars worth of their stuff by now if they EVER had the color I wanted in the size I wanted, but apparently PROVIDING PRODUCTS PEOPLE WANT is too difficult a concept for their sales department to comprehend. It sucks, and they suck.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
American Apparel is comfy n cool. But overpriced and played out for sure.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
okay, then just buy your cheap plain tshirts and forever 21, the gap, and urban outfitters…that way the factory slaves in china can continue making 40 cents a day. no wonder america is in such a state, its because of people like you. stupid fucks.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
oh yeah, and youre probably fat. go fucking excercise, then you will have earned the right to wear american made materials.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
say what you want about american apparel, but I would gladly swap places with any of the articles of clothing in the pictures in this article in this tab in this window in t… shit, I just want to be inside of that.
anyways.
“Everyone thinks AA is great and will tell you with a perverse smirk that “it’s american apparel”. Next time someone says this to you, spill a cup of coffee on them. Then say sorry. Then do it again.”
you should be proud of these perverted cheshire gents, do you realize how hard it is to rock a hard on in AA clothing? harder than richard simmons at an AA runway show.
“Here is why American Apparel is against God:
* It’s soft sure, but very thin and shrinks”
so I suppose that winona ryder is against god too? since when did pillaging the rich to give to the richer make someone against god?
please don’t answer that, I hate it when people look dumb.
that’s why this article rocks so much.
thanks andy, you helped me find my virginity again.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
ha ha.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
not to mention, they have perverse adds that totally disrespect women. and can i add that you have to be a size 00 to look good in any of that overly stretchy curve hugging crap. not very healthy for anyones body image. they may be american but they sure dont have the rest of their morals straight.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
Funny stuff! Just like the funny shirts on http://www.cafepress.com/engrishshirts
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
Fuck, I wanted to be the first to issue a fatwa. Well more of a jihad against Bono.
Can I issue a fatwa then a jihad, I’m a little rusty with these.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
I`m confused now with this APPAREL thing
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
NOTHING about this website is misanthropist, except for the fact that all of the posts make me homocidal. I came across this website as a misanthropist myself, and then to what do I see, another article about stupid hipster bullshit. Before you flame back at me keep in mind that I barely even read the article. All I ever see these days is people trying harder and harder to be a “non-conformist” just so that they can conform and/or appeal to and/or show off to a group of people they are just trying to be. I came to this site for the first time expecting real misanthropic conversations and the first thing I see, a starbucks cup of coffee. The impression I get instantly from this particular blog is “Im going to complain about a clothing store because I’m such a non conformist, Im a non conformist because I hate american apparel” thats the impression I got. Now I read a little bit of this and I now know thats not what the writer was going for, but in honesty- misanthropy being hatred for human beings for one reason or another, It just makes me hate someone, when they bring up clothing stores, and their ridiculous hate for something that a true misanthropist otherwise wouldn’t be pissed off about. The religions of the world, for example the mormon religion is full of bigotry that they have changed and try to cover up. Like that blacks werent allowed the priesthood in the mormon church until 1978, but their ads are full of smiling black people, and all of their leaders are white males, that should be something invoking hate, not clothing stores. And even though you werent making the “non-conformist” approach, I still want everyone to know just how disgusted I am with people who claim to be against particular clothing-so that they too, can conform to individuality. Im disgusted that this is labeled a misanthropy site and even though I just had a quick look at the site, all of the articles, don’t seem to be written by misanthropists. Basically what Im trying to say is Im sick of hearing people say something sucks, because its popular to hate it. For example Justin Bieber, the honest truth is everyone hates him, but hipsters just have to brag to everyone that “Im so hardcore because I hate justin bieber and apparently everyone else enjoys his tunes” The mainstream doesnt matter. You are becoming part of the mainstream society if you claim to hate mainstream society, because thats the popular opinion these days. I might be posting in the wrong field here, but Im letting you all know now that I know everyone in the world is mentally retarded but me, and if you think Im a dick for that, then you shouldnt even be on this site. Maybe someone could change the name, I dont care. My bottom line is that I thought I had found a site for other misanthropists- people that have a strong hate for the human race. But when I came here, the things people wrote only made me hate people more. If you want to understand what misanthropy is, maybe listen to and read the lyrics of the band Dystopia. If your not sympathyzing with my hate, then you are not a misanthropist. The name of misanthropy-exploited by hipsters and people who think their so original by saying xmas is corporate. The difference between me and those types of people- they just want recognition or for people to think their smart, when its been said so many times through the decades. If your a true misanthropist, you dont give a fuck that xmas is corporate, because you see yourself as exempt to anything you dont like-rather than complaining about it. And my very end point is- if you have something to say that many people have already said about over 9000 times- your not original, I know this issue, we all know this issue, “fuck american apparell” loses its meaning after seeing it a million times written by people who thought they were so clever, and you sound like someone who would be a conformist now that youve complained about something that someone has already complained about- you make yourself look like you shop at the very stores you hate. Just me venting
Rate This Comment:
0 
0