Cooler Heads Wont Prevail
This is my first post on MisanthropyToday.com. I was told if I posted on this site I would be given 4 Chavez Ravine bleacher seats and a 65% chance that a cholo named “Blanco” would gank my iPhone and beat my ass in front of my girlfriend. My name is Mark Chu Cheong. I’m a Chinaman but I was born in Trinidad and Tobago. T&T is famous for inventing calypso and the steeldrum and more recently for being the backdrop for Jay – Z’s “Big Pimpin’ ” video. We also gave the world Billy Ocean, who in my humble estimation rocked the world’s tightest jheri curl for a brief period of the time in the 80’s.
Not Billy Ocean
Trinidad has extremely hot, humid weather year round and although it’s a third world, impoverished country nobody would be dumb enough to wear a wool cap on their head. Curiously enough a couple of summers ago in LA it was a huge trend for people to wear beanies in 80 + degree weather. You know who I’m talking about….some ridiculously, skinny dude smoking cigarettes outside of Fred Segal wearing a damn ski hat on his head, staring you down like you’re the moron. Or perhaps the guilty party was a struggling actor/trustfunder sitting at La Poubelle drinking a Stella trying to get some CW actress to t-bag him. Admittedly, this trend has cooled somewhat, however I recently witnessed a couple of summer beanie wearing transgressions that brought the rage all back!! There are variations of the species such as the meathead who wears a beanie while working out in the climate controlled environment of the gym like he is fantasizing about lifting in a prison yard or starring in his own personal “Under Armour” commercial. Nowadays, the summer beanie has given way to the straw fedora hat look perpetuated by Jeremy Piven and Justin Timberlake. The dudes that cop this look usually flatiron their hair, shop at Lisa Kline on Robertson, make 40K a year as a loan processor in the valley and can be found at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset drinking red bull vodkas and bobbing their heads to Akon songs.
Andy Fox’s next look!
Unless you’re Johnny Depp and River Phoenix kicked the bucket outside your bar; you will never be able to pull off the summer beanie look. Furthermore, if we see another Jack Sparrow movie in a couple of summers, even “21 Jumpstreet” will get his summer beanie wearing pass revoked. Look for the summer beanie trend to come back strong in a couple of years. Next summer, I would not be surprised if”Malcolm X” hats make a strong comeback or perhaps the Bel Biv devoe/cypress Hill fisherman hat is due?
It’s strange that douchebags have such cold heads in the summertime. If their summertime headwear is any indicator, come winter they probably require something of this caliber. At least this hat reminds me of the hot blonde that Dan Akroyd nailed in “Spys Like Us”.
I live down in Orange County near the beach and the weather is very moderate here, so it comes as a shock when I walk out of my door in 80+ degree weather and see one of these abominable snowmen. This guy is more of the “I sell real estate, recently bought a harley, listen to nickelback, and dance awkwardly to Nelly songs at weddings with my girlfriend who has really fake breasts” variety but you get the point.
To better understand this paradox, the following diagram may assist you:
diagram 1.1
Another bad fashion, ugg boots: Ugg Boots
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Tagged with beanies, billy ocean, cooler heads, fashion, Fred Segal, johnny depp, snowboarding, straw fedoras, summer, under armour, winter
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my favorite is shorts and a hoodie.
Good job, Mark, you managed to squeeze an entire blog post out of that one turn of phrase! (claps)
Jeremy Piven is a poor representative of Jeremy’s worldwide. He and the straw fedora hat must be stopped at all cost.
[...] August 17th, 2007 · No Comments Andy Fox let me post on his blog today. Check it out here! [...]
“The dudes that cop this look usually flatiron their hair, shop at Lisa Kline on Robertson, make 40K a year as a loan processor in the valley and can be found at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset drinking red bull vodkas and bobbing their heads to Akon songs.”
I feel this paragraph describes a new breed of douche that bears the mark of the manbot, the wigger and the metrosexual AT THE SAME TIME. Can we coin a name that desribes these traits all together for further attacking purposes please?
slandering a brother on his own blog..
@Jeremy. Excellent point. It’s hard to find a better word than manbot and I have never been a huge fan of the word wigger, nor do I think its an overwhelming component of the individual we are attempt to assess. How about Captain Fantastic?
@Andy. Given the time of your post, I will assume you will be barely here in time for golf today. That’s what happens when you do too many jaeger blasters at Dublins…
this post was getting some substantial “under armour” google image traffic, good job of tagging it, Chuch.