Driving Tips For Bad Drivers In Los Angeles
With the economy the way it is– uh, crap sorry, this has nothing to do with the economy. Just that every article I read portends to have something to do with the economy nowadays. Cut that crap out, not everything needs to be topical you jacks.
Now then:
LA has a lot of bad drivers. I think this is mostly because we have so many immigrants from places where there are no driving rules or migrants from other states where theres no traffic to navigate.
Hellholes like Vietnam, Laos, El Salvador, Pennsylvania.
I know a few really bad drivers, and since I quit smoking again it really clenches my jaw because being a good driver is like such a simple thing to do and it makes me so pissed that people aren’t able to master something important (driving) but those same people can spend hours working on crossword puzzles or some godamned thing.
More often than not, it’s just that they don’t think about driving as a cerebral process, instead they think of it as a reactive process, meaning, a series of reactions. This is very wrong. So wrong in fact if you came up to me and said:
“Hey Andy. I read your site yesterday. I think of driving as a reactive process’. ”
I’d probably beat you within one inch of your life (if you were very meek and judging by your general demeanor I could ascertain that you wouldn’t fight back). That’s just how pissed this makes me, Sparkles.
Here’s some tips.
I’m gonna start off throwing a few practice grounders here just to get you warmed up.
The placement of your car can tell other drivers what your plans are and also make it easier to execute those plans:
Left Lane: Fast, Through traffic on highways, freeways and any road with turning lanes. If there are no turning lanes be prepared to dodge people turning left. Don’t freak out about it, just expect it. The size of the street will let you know if there are turning lanes or not. If you’re in the left lane and someone comes up behind you fast the polite (not wimpy) thing to do is to move over.
Don’t take it personally, don’t assume that he has a nicer, faster car, larger penis, better looking girlfriend.. stop that you insecure sissy. Don’t give dirty looks. Don’t in turn ride his ass. Don’t flash him.
He just wants to travel at a speed that is a little faster than you’re travelling. Move over.
Center Lane: (when available) Similar to the left lane but a little slower. You’re going straight but you’re in no hurry; others may pass you. Keep on truckin.
Right Lane: You are going slow or are going to make a right turn soon. If you are driving in the right lane and keep having close brushes with people slowing down to turn right, you need to be more aware of your surroundings and your ability to recognize patterns.
Drive Deliberately
Pretend you want to make the person behind you think “wow this guy really knows where he’s going!” — at all times. If you make a turn, make a turn quickly and smoothly. If you merge, do so quickly and smoothly. Change freeways without slowing down and with little hesitation.
Avoid Left Turns
One of the biggest reasons people are bad drivers is that they suck at pattern recognition and math.
So much of life is math.
(Un-arrowed) Left turns are not only inconvenient and time consuming but they are also dangerous and stressful.
If you have a 1% change of getting into an accident making a right turn then on that scale you have a %15 chance with a left turn.
Either make some right turns (and go around the block) or make a left turn at a non-busy street before your left turn , then make a right turn. If this is too confusing you’re in luck: Mr Rogers brought some pictures for you.
Imagine your destination is the Red X and your starting at the beginning of the black line in the center.
Plan Ahead
This falls into “drive deliberately” but i’ll repeat it:
Why do you think there’s so much traffic before freeway interchanges? Because so many of you forget to move over to change freeways, every single day. How is this possible? I have no idea, but i’ve ridden with some people that every time we go to change freeways, they’re always moving over 6 lanes, risking our lives, squeezing in front of someone who moved over early and waited his turn. And then they get mad when the person honks at them.
Same goes for driving down a road. If you know you’re gonna make a turn, get over in that lane. Look down the road a few cars. Do you see brake lights? Ok make put your breaks on now instead of when you see the car in front of you brake.
A few small tips:
- Don’t talk on your cell phone if you can’t do that and drive normally
- Don’t eat some giant taco salad while driving if you can’t do that and drive normally
- Don’t be Asian. Just kidding (i’m really not kidding)
- Always look around to see what other cars are doing.
- If you see an asian person driving a car seriously get the fuck away from them.
- I’m not making a joke about the stereotype. I have almost been killed by 4 asian drivers and was once creamed at Bear Mountain on my snowboard by an asian snowboarder who couldn’t control his board. Honk at them and they’ll just stop in the middle of the road like a deer and cover their ears with their hands and scream “TOO LOUD! TOO LOUD!” Put one of those guys on a motorbike with a fruit cart behind it and he’ll ride circles around you but not a car!
- Use your horn. Here in LA people don’t use their horns enough. Think of your horn as a police whistle. Seriously, it will work magic. The thing about getting shot by some gangster is an urban legend. At most he’ll just give you a dirty look, make rude hand gestures or beat the shit out of you.
I just thought of a reason why it helps to be a good driver because of the economy:
Because of insurance and the price of repairing/replacing your car. This is a stretch but I guarantee you the next AAA member magazine you fish out of your mailbox will have an article that is about that.
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Thanks for the tips, mate. Can you make a version for the UK (like, Avoid Right Turns)?
Related story on the Beeb today: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7899171.stm?lss
Timely!
My Asian landlord pulled out of our driveway into oncoming traffic, narrowly avoided a nasty broadside by making a left into the median lane, realized they needed to be going left, backed into oncoming traffic to negotiate a 3-pt turn, drove up onto the sidewalk and proceeded on their merry way. Meanwhile, all traffic was stopped in both directions while they tried to accomplish this.
2 years ago, I was in a right turn only lane, making my right turn, when I was side swiped by woman who explained to the police officer that: “She in my way! I make turn here! She in my way! How I supposed to make turn with her car there?”
She was baffled that the officer faulted her for the accident.
Driving in L.A. SUCKS.
stop whining, suck back!
yeah just last night i saw some shithead merge on the freeway and try to meld his car with a minivan. Didn’t work though, bits flew everywhere.
I didn’t know Californians actually thought they can drive.
I am asian and I know I can outrun anyone of you LA douches around NYC streets or all conditions on mountain roads.
I know this because I’ve seen enough of your transplant counterparts wrecking around CO & WY highways and then causing pile-ups. Or, seeing how pussy you fools drive in the snow or rain.
You are like midwesterns, who can only drive straight freeways and brakes like a bitch on every single curve. Weak.