Getting Revenge On Yourself

I’ve come to understand that everyone, after a difficult relationship (family, work, friend, romantic), seeks out revenge by behaving in the exact way that they were harmed in that relationship.

For instance, women who’ve have been flagrantly cheated on by their boyfriends, often seek revenge by… becoming sluts.

I believe that we pay by the sin, and not for the sin. Being a good person is its’ own reward as being a bad person brings along its own punishment.

After spending the night giving a stripper (who probably has a black boyfriend.. not that it matters, just sayin’) Jacksons to rub you off through your sweatpants, coming home to your loving naïve girlfriend probably feels pretty bad.

By doing that sort of thing, you become that person. It doesn’t matter that you have reasons and are able to mentally pardon yourself. You are the choices you make.

I recently had a situation where an ex girlfriend liked to spend a lot of money (mine, mostly) on all kinds of stupid shit. Now that we’ve broken up, I find myself spending copious amounts of money to like “show her” that I can still do that behavior (which I find appalling) and she can’t.

So in trying to spite her I am behaving like her and becoming her.

God, am i dumb.

I also became a unrepentant cad and cooze-hound in college after finding out that a girlfriend of 2 years had been cheating on me very regularly.  In retrospect what would have shown her that she was trash and I was not would be to find someone decent and solid and have a meaningful relationship with them.  Get engaged. Take those couple pictures at the mall. Make eye contact during sex. That kind of thing.

By the time I saw her next I had probably gotten laid more times on accident than she did on purpose. What did I win? Not much except some bad habits that would take awhile to sort myself out of.

Anyhow, revenge is useless because it invariably involves you doing the exact thing you decided was unforgivable in the person you’re retaliating against.

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  1. thanks crackpipe. The terrible thing about it, like most things in life is that it’s just another piece of proof that you cannot do anything to change anything. If revenge is off the table that means you have to just sit on your hands and wait it out.

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  2. Maybe so. Children who are beaten are more likely to beat their wives, etc but, as you point out, it’s also that people with insight and stable mental patterns appear to take negative actions. A difference is they do it short-term. If that’s correct, then perhaps we can say that notions of entitled anger (hurt pride?), self-pity, fear, and so on – well, we want any of these to be short-term and inconsequential experiences when they pop-up in our lives. Or find ways to benignly and honestly sublimate, a la Ninja Pirate’s entertainingly self-indulgent rants.

    Extrapolating this concept to more profound examples, what about a person who rots in jail for years on charges from which DNA evidence suddenly exonerates him/her? How does such a person finally leave their reactionary anger behind and move on with the proactive version of their life? That is, in these extreme cases, how do they avoid emotional reactions which usurp years or even the remainder of their lives? When I studied in Germany on foreign exchange, I met a very old German who had been alive when Berlin fell in 1945. In 1945, his life and nation were in ruins in most any dimension; physically, philosophically, spiritually, and so on. I asked him what the first meaningful interaction with others – connecting with other people emotionally or philosophically – might have entailed. He said it amounted to searching for potatoes and shelter. Obvious. Yet he gave the remainder of his life over to fighting Nazism as a professor. That is to say, he had some insight, but he nevertheless sublimated by telling his story to others in a classroom for 60 years, essentially forfeiting the rest of his life to a reaction. Is it possible he may have been more competent and happier if he had instead become a dentist, supposing that’s what he wanted underneath the understandable and justifiable outrage he felt about the destruction of his country by the Nazis? If so, and if it’s correct that people who find ways to eventually be happy make great contributions to a society, could he have contributed more as a happy dentist than as a reactionary professor “fighting” defunct Nazism? On one view, the answer might be “yes”. On this view, the angry woman who suffers a break-up earlier in the day gets me laid for a night but is a greater contributor to overall society once she regains her happiness a couple weeks later. Apparently, it’s a conundrum to find a mental process which defuses reactionary impulses. Most appear to simply drift into reactionary detours equivalent in size to perceived injustices.

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  3. i got bad grades because i was mad at my parents for scaring the shit out of me for getting bad grades… its a fun circle haha

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  4. I like Voodoo dolls. They do absolutely nothing, and I know this. They hurt no one. But boy does it feel satisfying to mutilate a miniature version of your would-be quarry. 😉

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