Hipster Watch: Fixie Or Fixed Gear Track Bikes
(I was about to buy HipsterWatch.com but it’s taken. If anyone wants to start HipsterWatch.net with me and keep close tabs on these GD hipsters, write me an email)
If you know anything about me, you know that nothing tightens my jaw up more is hipsters. Hipsters will do anything to be hip, and sometimes the things that they’ll do to be hip encroach on me just trying to live my regular non-trust funded life. Hipsters would probably wear a pizza as a hat if that was cool with the NY or SF hipsters. (Saved By The Bell Reference FTW. Here’s a picture of Kelly From Saved By The Bell’s Boobs for your trouble)
A prime example of this is the recent explosion in Fixie bikes or Fixed Gear bikes that i’ve seen around Los Angeles, clogging up the goddamned streets. I’m sure New York and San Francisco have had this for awhile (where riding a bike makes more sense) but the hipsters in LA are hot on their trail.
A Fixie Bike is a ten speed bike that is built to be a track bike, with no gears or brakes. More often than not, they are modified from a regular bike by some hipster because not having gears or brakes is minimalist and cool and semi-dangerous.
The hipster benefit here is two-fold:
On one hand you’re a wild and dangerous Puck from the Real World San Francisco messenger biker (who works at a production company or as a set designer), and on the other hand you’re saving the environment, man.
Well good for you, could you not do it on a 6 lane Boulevard during rush hour? I’ve hit almost two of these hipsters this week alone.
While most of you are probably saying to yourself “Right on Andy, give ‘em hell”, I actually don’t want to run over these hipsters and i’d hate to be charged with manslaughter because some guy didn’t think his manpurse delivery bag was pulling the look off like it once did.
I really hope this doesn’t catch on more. If you have a hipster friend please dissuade him from clogging our beautiful car-streets with his brakeless bicycle. Thanks.
Here’s a video of these things in action. While this video has an exciting background score and some cool footage please don’t get any ideas.
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Added, thanks for this post – it was a good read.
Man I so agree with you. They all dress the same, with their rolled up jeans and lookalike caps, aero front wheel, gloves and “manpurse” (haha good one). Most of the hipsters only meet up on short rides and only ride on flat terrain. But then what do you expect from a fixed gear bike? Then they proceed with their lame trick riding, which involves skidding, which leads to the destruction of their rear tire, so they can feel cool.
Oh Boo-fucking-hoo. at least they’re on a bike in the first place instead of a car like this jerk. and just because there are some people like that, all the fixie riders I’ve known commute 20+ miles on their bikes. So dont judge every rider.
“I really hope this doesn’t catch on more. If you have a hipster friend please dissuade him from clogging our beautiful car-streets with his brakeless bicycle. Thanks.”
your an idiot, its called commuting its alot like getting to work in a car except its three times as fast and your not sitting in a metal box that cost half a years salary slowly chugging through your precious fuel.
so we ask you to stop clogging our streets with your expensive pollution box,
and watch out for cyclists you seem like a dangerous driver, we have as much right to me there as you,
What a Doosh. Sure, some kids are doing it because it’s “cool”. But people also wear Hurley T-shirts in Kansas where there is no ocean in sight. I ride me Fixie cause it’s FAST as hell. I can get around town faster on that than my car. And even if the car is a LITTLE faster, the fixie is more fun. I still OWN a car and use it when it makes sense like loading up on groceries, but a quick under 5 mile jaunt around town on my commuter bike is marvelous.
Listen, Fixed gear bikes have been around for a couple of centuries. The founder of the Tour de France road nothing but fixed gear bikes. I myself ride a fixed gear bike as a training bike because it makes you a stronger cyclist. This has turned into a subculture of the cycle community lately because bmx bikes are not good for commuting but you can do tricks on a fixed gear and ride it for your main source of transportation. Bicycles deserve every right your fucking car does on the road. This kind of attitude is what is wrong with united states. Get a life you douche bag.
All you fucking mcdonald eating fucking rush hour dicks dress the same polos and fucking crocs and cargo pants.
Next time i see a cyclist on the road I’m gonna’ open my window and grab onto the bike so I can get a free ride and save on gas. Also I should start dodging and wiving through traffic and driving on sidewalks.
Why in the hell would you remove the brakes? What are the aluminum castings too heavy, perhaps the cables weigh a ton?
Andy, You sir are a true idiot. You are very misinformed so please do some homework before you go hating on these hipsters. They are not at all ten speed bikes. These bikes are mostly all track bikes that you ride on the velodrome. So please please please do some researching before you try to be all cool and bag on people.
Thanks Matt. Must be tough being a hipster down in San Diego, what with all the hippies and beach bums and lack of big brick NY style buildings to drink pabst in front of.
I guess that makes your banksy inspired t-shirt and brakeless bike that much cooler though.
Anyhow, I stand corrected, fixie bikes aren’t ten speeds, they’re track bikes that you could ride on a velodrome. What’s a velodrome though? I don’t know. Matt please come back and tell us what a velodrome is you smart hipster.
re: “I ride me Fixie cause it’s FAST as hell”… umm, geared road bikes are FASTER and MORE EFFICIENT. If you are going to douche around a city in a bike that isn’t efficient, at least admit you are doing it to be “different”. heck, take it to the next level and just admit that you are one of the goth kids from south park: “If you wanna be one of the non-conformists, all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do.”
I’m trying to see if the phrase “fixie la douche” will catch on. You can find a definition here:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fixie+la+douche
There is no question that the recent explosion of “fixies” popularity among hipsters has resulted in a huge number of dildos riding idiot bikes that they cannot control. Add knickers, sprinkle with nerd powder. Personally, I don’t mind if you knick a few over the high side on corners. They are idiots and must not be allowed to replicate.
you’re a terrible person. People with YOUR mind set shouldn’t reciprocate, which is probably why there’s still global warming, crocs, and mcdonalds.
You are a fucking moron, I can’t believe I’m even reading this. I don’t ride a fixie, but I do ride a bike, and it disgusts me that you hate on bikes so much. I think the great thing about the fixie craze is that at least it’s a healthy hobby for the earth and for people, and everyone should ride bikes more often and not be such lazy assholes like yourself who sit in traffic all day and suck at driving. You’re probably just jealous that while you’re sitting in traffic that hipster on a fixie is passing you.
And wait, why the fuck is it not appropriate to ride a bike in los angeles? the whole city is mostly FLAT. It’s an excellent place to ride a bike. I know lots of people who commute on bikes over 20 miles a day and they probably are a lot healthier than you.
And maybe you should fucking look over your shoulder like you’re supposed to and stop getting dangerously close to my harmless fellow riders.
I can’t even believe this, this is what’s fucking wrong with america. You’re like the father in matilda, hating on matilda for being smart. You’re just hating on people who are healthy.
The thing about cyclists, hundreds are killed every year! Usually their own fault. Idiots should stick to walking.