So if you’ve been a reader for awhile you know that I thought Global Warming was bullshit before. Well they pulled a fast one on me awhile ago and they changed it to “Climate Change”.
Let me show you what an interesting scientific theory this is, and what an even greater political idea this is:
Gets Warmer = Climate Change!
Gets Colder= Climate Change!
Stays About The Same= Climate Change Is Coming!
Changes Wildly (every four months or so, we used to call these Seasons) = Climate Change!
As you can see from the above, there’s pretty much no way to lose for these guys, and this is why I hate them. As a political idea, climate change is beyond genius.
Watch this video series:
Let me remind you that believing in Climate Change is also a rather interesting belief to have since it will allow you to look down on a lot of people also. For instance, if someone doesn’t believe that man is causing climate change you can call them some really funny names that relate to things that people didn’t believe in the past that turned out to be true, here’s a few to get you going:
- Round Earth
However you can’t bring up the ones that people did believe (en masse) that turned out to be quite wrong:
- An impending ice age (this was 40 years ago, Newsweek and Time cover stories)
- Human Sacrifices
- Blood letting to cure illnesses
- Belief in witchcraft and witches
- Cats stealing children’s breath
- Moon being made of Swiss Cheese
Also, you should know to be a little afraid when one side of the debate claims that there is no debate and that anyone who is still debating is a moron, idiot, fucktard, hillbilly, neocon, religious fanatic, etc— yet they show up to the debate to let everyone else know that the debate has been cancelled, in case they didn’t get the memo.
Speaking of memos, the Climate Changers really hate those leaked emails and computer code and will tell you how useless that was— nothing to see there, move along. But I wonder if similar emails were discovered by BP’s hired scientists in regards to the recent oil spill– you know, anything relating to hiding something, dissuading peer-review, trying to get journalists fired— well those emails might look a little different to them.
I think at the lowest level what we have in these two groups are people who are intellectually honest and people who are intellectually dishonest. I don’t need to explain how everyone believing in man made climate change (hereafter, MMCC) benefits people like Al Gore, George Soros, Goldman Sachs, etc.. but how does it benefit some coffee house worker in Iowa who has 1,000 fans on Huffington Post? Well, that will take some explaining:
How Man Made Climate Change (MMCC) Is Good For All Kinds Of Idiots
Let’s say that you’re :
A Climate Scientist Suddenly you’re fun to have at cocktail parties. I’m studying climate change is almost as unthinkingly respectable to others as I’m curing kids with leukemia. I mean, who’s gonna be the drunk asshole to corner you at a party and grill you about either of those? Furthermore, you might be able to underwrite your job for the next 10 years if you can land a grant or come up with some model that begins to suggest that climate change is man made and can be reversed. Remember the key here is CAN BE REVERSED. This is where the scientists will be patted on the backs and the politicians and investors take over. But like the old saying goes, you don’t ask a Tire Salesman if you need new tires, asking these sudden Science Celebrities to be completely objective with their “models” is a little difficult, and that should be well understood by all and scrutinized like a drunk guy at a party.
Socialist/Marxist, you can connect Climate Change to rail against capitalism, development, consumption or whatever agrees with that fucking communist book you read when you were 15 and no contrary books since.
Environmentalist, meaning someone who thinks the earth is our mother and we are bad children, and want to force people to adopt measures that you have decided upon to salvage our relationship with Mother Earth then you can use MMCC to your advantage. Note: an environmentalist is not someone who enjoys the outdoors although they are sometimes lumped together by Political Environmentalists but rarely in real life practice as most outdoorsy people are rather libertarian and concerned with their own impact, and less with others’ impact. If you are an environmentalist in the political sense you’ve probably chosen the environment as an inarguable vehicle for some other nutty ideas you have.
Clueless and Smug Prius Driving Suburbanite Democrats will of course benefit from the multitude of websites, magazines, accessories and conspicuous consumption that all of this will bring. In fact, there’s several websites and catalogs now that will sell you all kinds of really nicely designed, expensive Chinese-made “Green” products that will also save the environment. You know those great re-usable bags that you get at your favorite health food store? Yeah, we make them here in China, and they’re made from the same stuff (but concentrated) that other plastic bags are made from. The idea is that if you re-use them for a few years you’ll be saving bags, get it?
Angry Liberal not much different from the angry conservative, they’ve just found a slightly different outlet for their anger. Do they have any overarching goal? Not really, just to be consistently angry and hate whomever may have slighted them early on in their valuable lives. Maybe for them it was the stuck up kids, or their religious parents, or the rich kids with nice cars while they had to ride the bus. You’ve probably noticed a really wild, inscrutable anger from some of the “Fuck Bush” crowd, where you are thinking to yourself “Is something wrong at home?”. There is, there is. Whomever it was, and probably still is, they see their life’s troubles on a macro-scale, and have found a political party that assures them that they will see to it that those people are taken down a peg or two… and if not, you still have license and forums to call people names and spout bullshit that educated bullshitters have taught you with your bad grammar and spelling. One thing i’ve learned in the years of having this blog, the Angry liberal has the worst spelling and grammar.
The Cause People People who need a cause generally drift towards liberal/Democrat politics because I think while conservatives do have their nutty causes, Democrats are far better Cause Manufacturers. Cause People like these kind of turnkey missions where they can join and within weeks be the most radical and engaged in the cause out of anyone they know— with no setup fees or boring coursework! For these people it’s not about logic or anger, it’s about emotions. They need something to be emotional about, something to make their life meaningful, and for these people saving the goddamn earth and all who dwell inside it is like hitting the cause jackpot.
So what about everyone else?
Well, if i’m right (I am) and climate change is bullshit then its actually much worse than we think.
We just basically have to keep doing what we’re doing. Living with all this shiny and then almost instantly boring technology and the realization that we will probably live for our own personal cause and plight and die because of our own mistakes and behaviors and not the mistakes and behaviors of others.
Now that I put it that way, this Climate Change stuff actually sounds pretty interesting.