Meet Girls At A Bar
So you’ve decided you want to meet girls at a bar.
See all the guys in every bar you go to? Yep, exact same thing on their minds. You’re not exactly coming up with new ideas here.
Keep in mind this is not as easy as it seems and I know before you turned 21 you thought all you had to do was:
- Turn 21
- Order a drink
- Unzip and pull penis out like it’s a fishing line and wait for some bites
- Look at women and shake your head like a bobble-head to attract them to your ‘fishing line’
Well, it turns out you were right.
Good luck.
Misanthropy Today
>
>
>
>
>
>
Hey ANDY
That advice you gave on how to meet girls at a bar didn’t work. Give me better advice nao.
– Rick
>
>
>
Alright I’ve met a few women at bars when I was younger, lately not so much but i’m also a total pussy now.
Here’s what I can remember:
Avoid Other Fishermen
When you’re fishing you don’t cast your line near other fisherman and the same is true here at the bar.
Ok see these 4 assholes? You may not respect them or their giant mug but you need to respect that they outnumber you and if they could find their ass with both hands with women, they wouldn’t be hovering around that one.
Move on. Unless they’re gay. Yeah these guys look pretty gay actually. The guy with the gray hoodie has an arm coming out of his lap too, which is weird, but if you’re nice to handicapped people sometimes girls think that’s sweet.
Birthday/Company Parties
Judging by the two old guys this is probably a birthday or company party, and those two old guys (probably family members of some description) accepted the invitation to go out to the bar with the girls after the dinner. The girls asked if they wanted to go to be polite and didn’t expect them to accept. But here they are. They could be just a couple horny older dudes but in either case you don’t want to play that angle because you will either insult someone’s Dad or seem insecure. Also when you approach a girl don’t ask if she has a boyfriend. She’ll tell you soon enough if she does and it makes you seem like you’re looking for a reason to pussy out on talking to her.
Bar Parties are a good time to meet women at bars because:
- There’s always a few bored/left out people at the party
- Not knowing if you’re a friend or not they may be polite and not think of you as a horny asshole
- Girls are big on events and an event like this is a good excuse to give their number out, make out with you or even get a ride home from you.
Now just for practice let me tell you which girls are available and which aren’t. Choosing to approach the wrong girl can ruin the whole thing.
Blond girls on the bottom left and right in black/white get ups are not single. If they are the bleached out hair tells us that they think they’re special and have a custom-made look and unless you’re a fitness trainer or wear those tight european club shirts they aren’t interested.
Girl in the Orange Maternity Shirt is single but will probably tell you that she has a boyfriend since she is marginally attractive enough to have a regular f-buddy who drops in now and again and she’s probably told her friends that it’s getting serious. She has some round knockers but the face isn’t great, but hey neither is yours. If you put in a little time she’ll confess that she “doesn’t really have a boyfriend” but is just seeing someone. When she says this you translate that to “I’m fucking someone” which will turn you off or make you say something disparaging, thus looking like an insecure twerp. Avoid.
Girl In The Brown Sweater Next To Orange Girl is single because of that frumpy button up cardigan she’s wearing. An overall rule at the bar is that the girls who are dressed the sexiest are taken and the ones dressed like frumpsters are single. Weird I know.
The Entire Back Row is single except for the girl with the glasses. This might not make sense to you since you think shes the homeliest one in the entire pack but always remember the hottest one and the ugliest one in a group are always in serious long term relationships. Don’t ask me why, just how it goes. This rule is especially cruel and discouraging to those looking for low hanging fruit.
So here’s how to approach the bar party: it helps if you’re apart of a birthday party group yourself. That way one of the chicks can be like “Hey Wendy this guy is here for a birthday party too!” and then you can say happy birthday and say her birthday tiara looks cool or whatever and then you’re in.
If you’re not you can lie and say that it is a birthday party and then fuzzily look around for your friend who’s birthday it is and not be able to find him. This could make you look like a real jerk if it backfires. Otherwise just ask birthday questions for a little bit while comparing the road map i’ve provided to see if it matches the terrain.
This, like any situation will require that you’re very casual and appearing to want to just mingle and improve the party, not like you’re trying to get laid or trying to do anything really.
Two Or Three Girls
Now you see these three and you know they’re looking for fun, but they’re probably looking for a group of three guys. Women have a lot of guilt and three guys disperses the responsibility evenly. If it’s one guy who comes up to them then whomever talks to him feels like a slut. To counteract this they’ll usually be rude or dismissive, unless he’s a total catch like JFK Jr or something, which you aren’t.
If you have 2 other friends bring them along casually– don’t plan it, don’t say “i’ve got dibs on the one with the fucking bombay dot on her forehead”, that’s all douchebag stuff. Say “Let’s go talk to those girls” and then get walking. Have the best orator of the group break the ice and go from there. If you have like a group of 5 guys tell two of them to lay back. Otherwise its intimidating and probably looks something like this in their mind’s eye:
A Few Small Rules:
Do Not Buy Women Drinks. Sure there’s times when its ok and advantageous but you will know when that is and it’s not now.
Don’t Be Argumentative. Some guys think that being insulting or argumentative scores women at bars. It doesn’t.
Don’t Read Pick Up Artist Guides. If those things worked they wouldn’t exist. What that doesn’t make sense to you?
Don’t Be Too Sober Or Too Drunk. Slurring guy and plastic water bottle guy are both annoying assholes who never pull any wool. Again, aim for the middle.
Don’t Make Too Many Jokes. You’re probably not that funny and besides very few women can identify a good sense of humor. Trying to be funny will make you seem like you’re desperate.
Forget About The Goal. Certainly the goal is to get laid, make out, get a number, meet a nice girl, get married. Whatever it is, forget about it. The goal should be to have fun and meet new women from which maybe one of the above might be possible. If you are trying to hard to achieve any of the above you will not achieve it.
Put Your Cell Phone And Your Digital Camera Away.
Don’t Insult Your Friends/Cockblock. It’s never worked and is shameful behavior.
Don’t Try To Impress Them. You know how repellent it is when you know someone is trying to impress you? Women are extra sensitive to that and know that you think impressing them will get you laid. Be calm.
Bring A Single Female Friend. This one is really the most valuable tip in this list.
Don’t Take It Seriously. Think of someone you admire, a movie star or an author or something. If some broad rejected them at a bar would they take it hard? No, they’d take it in stride because they know they’re awesome. So should you be.
Feel free to add any other tips in the comments.
RandomRED“> Posts
Loading…
value=”YToxOntzOjc6InBvc3RfaWQiO2k6MTg4Mzt9″ />
Loading ...
Good stuff, but you left out the card trick guy. He also goes home empty handed. Seriously, tho, leave the cards at home.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
yeah card tricks, magic tricks and the shitty sketch artist are all bad ways to meet women.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
I have this thing I do where it looks like I’ve taken off part of my thumb and put it back on right in front of them. Then I smell the thumb later as I drift off to sleep in a post coital fog.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
the thumb trick is deadly on broads. ever try the “i got gum stuck to my zipper trick”?
Very simple:
1. Reach in and grab some testicle skin.
2. It’s very pliable and stretchy so don’t be afraid to give it a tug
3. Pull it out of your zipper and continue stretching it in and out while exclaiming:
On a camping trip I went on once this dude pulled that and this chick touched it thinking it was really gum.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
“Girls are big on events…”. Classic
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
Sometimes more guys approaching is better…more choices for us. It backfires when like all 5 guys are all trying to get one girl in the group. Usually the girl that looks least approachable is the easiest (as well as the chubby girls). Bottom Line: Girls go to bars to get attention and have fun. If you dance, good. If you know a lot about music, good. If you are not obviously slimy, good. The Nice Guy act works well…just not too nice.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
Dude, your writing style is fucking hilarious. I’d give you a link to my blog (which has an equally fuckingly hilarious style), but unfortunately, I live in Germany, so 1) the Blog is in German, and 2) maintaining a Blog like yours in Germany would get you jailed in no time.
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
And give me hints on how to emigrate 
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
At least though in Germany you can sleep with hookers and cut out some of this BS…if you’re a true misanthrope, that’s the way to do it
Rate This Comment:
1 
0
you’d get jailed for a blog like this? what kind of country is that? Many Germans who didn’t fit in there have come to America and fit in just fine (including those in my family). Most germans are so uptight they could probably carry a 10 cent piece in between their buttocks all day without it falling out
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
I have to say that, as a woman myself, I agree with what you’re saying.
Every word of it, actually!
Are you seeing anyone?
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
“Girl In The Brown Sweater Next To Orange Girl is single because of that frumpy button up cardigan she’s wearing. An overall rule at the bar is that the girls who are dressed the sexiest are taken and the ones dressed like frumpsters are single. Weird I know.”
Hilarious and true.
Rate This Comment:
0 
0
Andy, I can see you studied life like myself.
But, I have to add some things myself to your precious audience.
If you take the time to look and analyze how the common shitheads try their luck on a girl you even increase your chances by watching and learning from their mistakes. It even indicates if she’s single or not. If anybody keeps on talking shit more than a minute – she is indeed a single.
My advice is to let 1 or 2 of your fellow woman admirers pass by, but not to many. We don’t want the chosen one to be pampered in bullshit by too many retards.
Finally you go for the lady and ask her if she’s ready for more bullshit-smelling sweet talks or if she rather wants to have fun and go for a booty-shaking dance experience with you. Dancing is a key element of “how to seduce a girl”. It also works without letting other rivals having their try before you ask her. You decide!
RULE: Good(let’s say: lil bit more than average) dancers get laid.
It is also a good chance to get your hands dirty on that babe’s body. But proceed with caution. In fact it is essential to get in contact, even if you start with light body-checks while the two of you are rocking the dance-floor.
I have to admit I am a role-model for the typical good looking shit-about-political-correct-wanna-be-emancipated-girls giving guys you don’t wanna mess with. But stay focused – you will make it, too.
Let me make one thing clear. If you look like your mother gave birth to a two-headed-squirrel – you should improve your dancing skills a lot and I guarantee you will even outrun such egomaniac assholes like myself.
Rule: If you not the “I talk girls into everything I want them to do”-Guy go for less talking and more dancing.
If you dance well girls will realize you make them look good. This is where the a typical girls-thing comes into play, they like to look good. So if you make them look good you are almost free to do whatever you want.
You entered that pleasure carrying ship and you are allowed to get in touch with her cargo. Well done.
Another golden rule is: If you get touchy – hold her with a firm grasp(FIRM!). She should respond with excitement, that’s your sign for keep her tight until she is defenseless.
There we go buddy – take her to the bar have a drink, slide your hand sideways behind her neck and grab her hair from the neck upwards(never touch her hair from the topside) – look her in the eyes and check for a pleased facial expression, if it doesn’t appear immediately stay calm and keep on waiting. Focus my friend – one more second – as you recognize her insecurity fading – go for the big hit.
NOW, you try it. The force might be with you young padawan.
Note: If you are a bad kisser, you did read this whole comment for nothing.
Rate This Comment:
1 
0
my age 22 and i’m from syria
Rate This Comment:
0 
0