Ned Wingfield: Email Terrorist
9 of the 10 emails I get about new websites are pretty bad.
This site however is hilarious. It’s called:
Ned Wingfield: Tips & Tricks For Email Negotiation.
The formula is simple. Ned finds a Craigslist Ad and posts sends them bizarre messages. Usually increasingly so.
Fitness Trainer (5)
By Ned on October 5th, 2009
Original Internet Ad:
Fitness Trainer Needed
I’m looking to lose 20-30 pounds around my core. I want a trainer who is experienced with weight loss techniques specifically. I’m not that interested in gaining muscle. I will work hard, I just need some help.
If you are in ******** and free to meet a few times each week let me know your rate.
Thank you.
Negotiation Strategy:
Since I haven’t been able to find a roommate, there is still a lot of work around the house. I tried to convince this fatso to do it for me and pay me. I’m waiting for him to cave in soon.
| . |
| From Me to **************@*********.org |
10/3/2009 @ 11:33AM
|
Good morning,
I run a mock boot camp every fall in my backyard. So far the class is empty so it would be one-on-one training. Some of the exercises include chopping fire wood, polishing guns and other weapons, stretching animal hide (great for your triceps), resurfacing my roof, and finally raking the lawn (builds up the cafs). I charge $50 dollars a workout and I am available everyday.
Let me know,
Ned Wingfield
| From Spencer **************** to Me |
10/03/2009 @ 1:22PM
|
What the hell! Im not paying to do your chores for you
| From Me to Spencer **************** |
10/04/2009 @ 9:04AM
|
Hey Chubby,
Give me a break fatman, no offense. Theres a reason i have this figure! You can spend time at the gym but honestly the only way to get in shape tubby is to do chores around the house. When are you going to need to lift 200 pounds above your head? The Wingfield regiment is a tried and tested method. Look at the Amish. There are no fatties. I’ll bet even you would have been skinny if you were Amish! This is simply because they do the types of exercises that I offer.
Anyways, if you want I can set up my lawn chair outside while you’re working out and yell fat insults to motivate you to keep working. If you bring over any delicious fatty foods I will consume them to protect you from eating them for only $10 more per lesson.
Coach Ned
| From Spencer **************** to Me |
10/04/2009 @ 4:08PM
|
your an ass, screw u!!
| From Me to Spencer **************** |
10/05/2009 @ 6:41PM
|
Easy there big fella. Obviously you are not ready to change your lifestyle. Let me know when you’re ready to get serious about your blubber body.
Coach
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Also Ned is an avid hunter, lives with his mother and has a weirdo best friend named Mark.
Here are some other good ones:
Random Posts
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I wasn’t seeing his appeal after I read the one you posted, but the hunting and bird watch ones were really hilarious. I am amazed at how he kept the people responding!
his blog is great. its currently down for some reason. hope its ok.
amongst the best i have ever read ( 3 in all)!for once- u did a gr8 job there to recommend one that even beats yours in it’s humour quotient ;P
i really loved the one about that ‘baby-sitter’ ad.
DJ Killa Ned is the shizzle to my nizzle really.He even shook my bowels
yeah i love neds site. i wish my site was more funny but its hard to write funny stuff all the time.