Nigeria Calling, Part Five The End

This would be the last time that Charles and I spoke. I miss Charles, already. On one hand he was greedy and conniving, but on the other hand, he was a persistent fixture in my online life. Always there to say “gooday sparkles” and weave western union transaction details into his own brand of nigerian poetry.

Things never end well, but the moon is always behind the clouds. But that being said, I think that me and Charles never really had a chance and I regret that our last conversations were so full of vulgarity and anger.

But I did end up getting a photo to remember him by.

Scroll down for the explanation and the photo.

I forgive you if you skim this last conversation, it lacks the lols the others had.


The final conversation, after the jump….

Friday, October 19, 2007 11:06:35

[11:06] centralbank_nigeria206: hello sparkles

[11:06] centralbank_nigeria206: are you there
[11:07] : Buzz!!
[11:07] centralbank_nigeria206: are you there
[11:08] centralbank_nigeria206: i have just few mins to talk with you sparkles
[11:11] andyfox1979: deacon tickle!
[11:11] centralbank_nigeria206: hello sparkles
[11:11] centralbank_nigeria206: how are you today?
[11:11] andyfox1979: hows it going my friend
[11:11] centralbank_nigeria206: iam fine
[11:11] andyfox1979: did you get the money yet
[11:12] centralbank_nigeria206: did you send it
[11:12] centralbank_nigeria206: ?
[11:13] andyfox1979: yes
[11:14] centralbank_nigeria206: so can i have the mtcn number
[11:14] andyfox1979: yes
[11:14] andyfox1979: wait how do i know this is deacon tickle and not someone else?
[11:15] centralbank_nigeria206: ok let me have it then
[11:15] centralbank_nigeria206: this is deacon tickle
[11:15] centralbank_nigeria206: you gave me the name yesterday
[11:15] andyfox1979: can you prove that you are deacon tickle and not some no goodnik using his computer machine
[11:15] centralbank_nigeria206: remember
[11:16] centralbank_nigeria206: you gave me this nickname yesterday
[11:18] centralbank_nigeria206: hello sparkles
[11:18] centralbank_nigeria206: are you there
[11:22] : Buzz!!
[11:24] : Buzz!!
[11:25] centralbank_nigeria206: i do not really have time for delays sparkles
[11:25] centralbank_nigeria206: pls i still have other things doing
[11:28] andyfox1979: can you do something for me
[11:28] andyfox1979: can you take a photo of you or one of your associates with a paper sign proving you are deacon tickle
[11:29] centralbank_nigeria206: sparkles i am about closing from work
[11:29] centralbank_nigeria206: and why are you doing all this
[11:29] andyfox1979: sir i cannot be too careful
[11:29] centralbank_nigeria206: if you sent the money and you do not give me the mtcn number
[11:29] centralbank_nigeria206: you cant keep it
[11:30] centralbank_nigeria206: you spoke with me yesterday
[11:30] centralbank_nigeria206: now you are asking me to take photos
[11:30] andyfox1979: please take a photo of yourself or one of your associates holding a sign that reads “DEACON TICKLE”
[11:30] centralbank_nigeria206: when the bank is almost closing
[11:30] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot fo that
[11:30] centralbank_nigeria206: thats is final
[11:30] centralbank_nigeria206: if you can’t give me the mtcn
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: forget it
[11:31] andyfox1979: deacon tickle would never say “he cant do it”
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: look sparkles
[11:31] andyfox1979: this must be some janitor in deacon tickle’s bank
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: you gave me the name yesterday
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: you gave me the name yesterday
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: thats enough proof
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: to know its me
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: bye
[11:31] centralbank_nigeria206: and have a nice day
[11:31] andyfox1979: deacon
[11:32] andyfox1979: if this is you
[11:32] centralbank_nigeria206: you are disappionting me sparkles
[11:32] andyfox1979: kindly take a photo of you or an office boy
[11:32] centralbank_nigeria206: i do not have time for your jokes
[11:32] centralbank_nigeria206: now
[11:32] andyfox1979: this is not a joke sir
[11:32] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot take a photo
[11:32] centralbank_nigeria206: the bank is closing
[11:32] andyfox1979: i have sent $850 dollars to you
[11:32] centralbank_nigeria206: then let me have the mtcn number
[11:33] centralbank_nigeria206: oh my God
[11:33] andyfox1979: youre making me furious deacon tickle
[11:34] centralbank_nigeria206: why are you doing this
[11:34] centralbank_nigeria206: i don’t have this kind of time
[11:34] centralbank_nigeria206: the bank is closing ok
[11:34] andyfox1979: now im pissed
[11:34] centralbank_nigeria206: if you sent it
[11:34] andyfox1979: im gonna go burn down an orphanage or something DT, just so I can be there in hell to watch you burn for not sending me a photo.
[11:34] centralbank_nigeria206: let me have the mtcn number
[11:35] centralbank_nigeria206: hello
[11:35] centralbank_nigeria206: iam going off now
[11:35] andyfox1979: godmanit
[11:35] centralbank_nigeria206: and you can be sure that this transcation is over
[11:35] centralbank_nigeria206: keep your money ok
[11:35] andyfox1979: don’t say that
[11:35] centralbank_nigeria206: bye
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: then let me have the mtcn
[11:36] andyfox1979: but i have to be sure
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: or you are joking again
[11:36] andyfox1979: i am not joking
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: but i have given you proof
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: what else you requesting
[11:36] andyfox1979: say im joking one more time and my friend, I dare you to
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: look i do not have time sparkles
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: ok
[11:36] centralbank_nigeria206: give me the mtcn number
[11:37] andyfox1979: 7600-74-906*
[11:38] centralbank_nigeria206: let me have the last digit
[11:38] andyfox1979: take a photo
[11:38] andyfox1979: so i can be sure
[11:38] andyfox1979: dont piss me off
[11:38] centralbank_nigeria206: which photoo
[11:38] andyfox1979: of you or an office boy with a sign that says deacon tickle
[11:38] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot take any photo
[11:38] centralbank_nigeria206: the bank is closing
[11:38] centralbank_nigeria206: ok
[11:38] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot do that
[11:39] andyfox1979: why the hell not?

[11:39] centralbank_nigeria206: why are you doing all this to me
[11:39] andyfox1979: this is making me goddamned furious DT
[11:39] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot do that
[11:39] centralbank_nigeria206: this is a transcation
[11:39] centralbank_nigeria206: sparkles
[11:39] centralbank_nigeria206: you are making me get angry
[11:40] centralbank_nigeria206: ok have a nice day
[11:40] centralbank_nigeria206: i am through with this
[11:40] centralbank_nigeria206: have a nice day sparkles
[11:40] andyfox1979: YOU WANNA SEE ANGRY
[11:40] centralbank_nigeria206: bye
[11:40] andyfox1979: IM GETTING SUPER PISSED
[11:41] centralbank_nigeria206: keep your money
[11:41] centralbank_nigeria206: and lets forget about this whole thing ok
[11:41] centralbank_nigeria206: goodbye
[11:42] : Buzz!!
[11:42] andyfox1979: why cant you just take a photo of a person and a sign
[11:42] andyfox1979: i dont understand why you cant verify it
[11:42] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot do that
[11:42] centralbank_nigeria206: iam a banker
[11:42] centralbank_nigeria206: pls do not ask me to take absurd steps
[11:43] centralbank_nigeria206: in proving myself to you
[11:43] centralbank_nigeria206: i am tired of this whole game
[11:43] centralbank_nigeria206: why are you treating this
[11:43] centralbank_nigeria206: this way
[11:44] : Buzz!!
[11:44] centralbank_nigeria206: hello lets conclude
[11:44] andyfox1979: the photo
[11:44] andyfox1979: NOW

[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: sorry
[11:45] andyfox1979: before i lose my shit
[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: bye sparkles
[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: iam sorry
[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: lose your shit
[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: thats your problem
[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: make sure you pull back your money if at all you sent it
[11:45] centralbank_nigeria206: i have never come across someone like you
[11:46] andyfox1979: how do you mean that
[11:46] centralbank_nigeria206: you act strange
[11:46] centralbank_nigeria206: sparkles
[11:47] centralbank_nigeria206: this money you sent is for you to receive funds
[11:47] centralbank_nigeria206: for we to be able to process your application form
[11:47] centralbank_nigeria206: and here you are asking me for photos
[11:47] centralbank_nigeria206: what photos
[11:47] andyfox1979: to verify that you are the right persoj
[11:47] andyfox1979: person
[11:47] centralbank_nigeria206: as far as i am concerned i have given you enough proff to know its me
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: but you gave me this name yesterday
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: didn’t you
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: deacon tickles
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: was it not you?
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: what else are you asking me to do
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: ,do you realise the fact that i am banker
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: and you are asking me to take photo of myself and office boy
[11:48] centralbank_nigeria206: hell no
[11:49] centralbank_nigeria206: well i have told you what to do
[11:49] centralbank_nigeria206: if you can’t believe me
[11:49] centralbank_nigeria206: you can forget about the whole thing
[11:49] centralbank_nigeria206: and thanks for your time sparkles
[11:50] centralbank_nigeria206: hello
[11:50] centralbank_nigeria206: are you there
[11:50] andyfox1979: you said you were leaving camera-shy Sally
[11:51] centralbank_nigeria206: ok bye
[11:51] centralbank_nigeria206: i have had enough of you
[11:51] andyfox1979: you better not spend my money you crapface
[11:51] centralbank_nigeria206: let mem have the last digit
[11:51] centralbank_nigeria206: if you ever sent it
[11:52] andyfox1979: i did send it
[11:52] centralbank_nigeria206: then let me have the last digit
[11:52] centralbank_nigeria206: why are you so diffcult sparkles
[11:52] centralbank_nigeria206: this is not how to handle business
[11:52] centralbank_nigeria206: at all
[11:53] centralbank_nigeria206: iam so tired of you
[11:54] centralbank_nigeria206: hello sparkles
[11:54] centralbank_nigeria206: are you there
[11:54] centralbank_nigeria206: lets conclude this
[11:54] andyfox1979: yeah
[11:54] centralbank_nigeria206: ok ready now
[11:54] centralbank_nigeria206: let me have the last digit
[11:55] centralbank_nigeria206: hello
[11:55] centralbank_nigeria206: why do i have to beg you before you reply
[11:55] centralbank_nigeria206: why sparkles are you getting me so pissed
[11:56] centralbank_nigeria206: what is the meaning of all this
[11:56] andyfox1979: why cant you just take the picture, i give you the number and you get the funds
[11:56] andyfox1979: for my peace of mind
[11:56] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot do that
[11:56] centralbank_nigeria206: if you want to have peace of mind
[11:56] centralbank_nigeria206: allow me to do my job
[11:56] centralbank_nigeria206: and you will see the result
[11:56] centralbank_nigeria206: i contacted you in the first place
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: for a reason
[11:57] andyfox1979: i dont see why you cant take a picture
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: because its yours
[11:57] andyfox1979: its making me damn furious too
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: i cannot take a picture
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: picture for what?
[11:57] andyfox1979: thats it, the deal is off then
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: ok
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: fine by me
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: have a nice day
[11:57] andyfox1979: you bastard DT
[11:57] centralbank_nigeria206: i think i have had enough
[11:58] centralbank_nigeria206: you bastard too
[11:58] centralbank_nigeria206: do not think you are the only one who knows how to insult
[11:58] centralbank_nigeria206: crapface
[11:58] andyfox1979: you shitheap
[11:59] centralbank_nigeria206: you didnot send anything right
[11:59] andyfox1979: i sent 850 damn crispies!
[11:59] centralbank_nigeria206: ok
[11:59] centralbank_nigeria206: let me have the mtcn numjb
[11:59] : Buzz!!
[12:00] andyfox1979: BUZZ!!!!!!!!
[12:00] centralbank_nigeria206: let me have the mtcn
[12:00] centralbank_nigeria206: if you did
[12:01] centralbank_nigeria206: hello
[12:01] centralbank_nigeria206: are you there
[12:01] : Buzz!!
[12:01] andyfox1979: take a picture
[12:01] centralbank_nigeria206: well its clear that you chose to end it this way
[12:02] andyfox1979: i just jumpkicked my coworker because youre making me so mad
[12:02] centralbank_nigeria206: bye sparkles
[12:02] centralbank_nigeria206: i pray you see this kind of opportunity in your life again
[12:02] centralbank_nigeria206: asshole
[12:02] andyfox1979: you fucker
[12:02] andyfox1979: dont spend my money
[12:04] andyfox1979: if you touch one green dollar, i will come over there and beat up every charles soludo until i find the right one
[12:09] centralbank_nigeria206: i ask you the last time
[12:09] centralbank_nigeria206: sparkles
[12:10] centralbank_nigeria206: are you ready for this or not?
[12:10] centralbank_nigeria206: let me know now
[12:10] centralbank_nigeria206: maybe not
[12:10] centralbank_nigeria206: bye then sparkles
[12:14] : Buzz!!

And just like he came into my life, with the “Buzz!!”, he was gone.

A week later Charles emailed me and said that he would send the photo. I told him I liked his choice. I told him I needed a note that said Hello Sparkles and I needed it written on a loaf of bread. And that loaf of bread needed to be balanced on his head. He came forth as gold. Charles Soludo, Deacon Dr Charles Tickle, Wale Williams, whatever your name is, you played a good game sir.

A.F.

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13 Comments

on “Nigeria Calling, Part Five The End
13 Comments on “Nigeria Calling, Part Five The End
  1. Pingback: Nigeria Calling, Part Four « Misanthropy Today

  2. “do not think you are the only one who can be a potty mouth there , you big
    ole sparkly crapface you” I think you may hear back from Sir Charles, prolly be sending you a “shopped” pic of him eating caviar slapped between a couple of waffles, with a bone thru his nose, with full DEF CON 4 warpaint adorning his slimy cheeks….of course he will be fed by some large-coconutted female warriororettes, and he will have a sign with an arrow pointing to YOUR MONEY ,on it, that will be of course, A BIG ASS BOX
    ,with your name on it, with lotsa US dollars in a whirlwind, feeding a huge bonfire…………

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  3. I came across this site while researching the various scams on the internet. I was reading your conversations and pretty much fell out of my chair laughing. This was hilarious!

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  4. It’s probably a good thing that he’s too far to represent a threat. All the Charles Saludos I’ve beefed with were quite scrappy.

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  5. Pingback: Nigeria Calling, Part Four | Misanthropy Today

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