Misanthropy Today

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Shitbag Of The Week: Johnny Depp, Hydrogen Island Man

Thursday, 24 Jul 2008
 

I want to introduce you to a new little feature around here called “Shitbag Of The Week”. It’s where I find a shitbag and bring him in here for a good thourough drubbing and delousing. Today’s guest is: Johnny Depp.

Sure you’ve seen him wear a beanie in the summertime in Los Angeles.

Sure he owns the bar The Viper Room, which as far as bars go, could suckstart a Greyhound bus and still have enough sucking power leftover to start a few midsize sedans. River Phoenix died there after using too much heroin, and after you spend a half hour in that hellhole you’re ready to take a ride on the Horse too.

But my friends, what makes Johnny Depp the shitbag of this week is this:

He buys a multimillion dollar island in the carribean and you know, because he cares so much about the environment, its gonna be Hydrogen powered, bro.

Susan Sarandon: Johnny it’s really cool that you’re buying this groovy island, but what will you power it with that is earth friendly? 

Johnny Depp: Don’t worry bro, hydrogen. 

Susan Sarandonoh yes, I remember some liberal mentioning hydrogen. Ok, carry on.

A little background info, from EcoRazzi:

Several years later, it appears that Depp is finally getting serious about emulating Brando’s earth-friendly tech elements. According to Peter Hoffmann, the Pirates of the Carribean star is third in line to receive a grid-independent solar hydrogen system from Mike Strizki. The inventor created the nation’s first solar-hydrogen house in New Jersey — without sacrificing any of the amenities included in his 3,500 square-foot home. You can check out a video of his system here.

Depending on the size of Depp’s home on the island, the cost is expected to run between $250,000-$500,000 — which, for someone with an island, isn’t a bad deal for unlimited, clean energy.

Ah, only 250 to 500—- what? $500k? One thing that these eco-yuppies need to remember is that part of being earth friendly used to mean, you know, being respectful to other people that live on the earth with you. Conspicuous Consumption used to be something that Lefty Yups disdained. Now, the ultimate status symbol is a 100k Electric Sports Car, or a 40-50k Prius spaceship.

The fact that JD could purchase a reasonably sized generator (or Windmill, or Perpetual Motion Gen, or…)  for far less money shows how much of a $tatus symbol green-tech has become, with yuppies all trying to outdo one another.

 Hi. I’m a $3,000 generator. I sure wish hollywood actors would buy me and donate the rest of their hippie money to charities that actually help people. 

Fuck you Johnny Depp, and fuck you Prius.

Oh, and how do you suppose Jolly Green Johnny gets to the Carribbean? Probably a private one of these:

And as you all know, private planes run on a granola-water mixture nowadays.

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Reader's Comments

  1. [...] oilman T. Boone is about to overshadow the combined efforts from decades of smelly hippies and eccentric pirates with a real strategy. He’s out to save America from it’s 700 billion dollar a year [...]

  2. run a car on water…

    I love what I am reading here. Shall drop by again….

  3. you’re a real idiot, a true shItbag yourself, he is not one of those “all up in the cloud kind of guys”, like so many clebrities who by the way have more homes that csot more than islands; and to an extent, neither was Marlon.

  4. [...] Olsen, Al Gore, Meriam Al-Khalifa, OctoMom, Wanda Sykes, Quddus From TRL, Paula Abdul, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and Cesar [...]

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