Ten 2008 Superbowl Predictions

Sunday, 03 Feb 2008

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1. A person will go to a supermarket and purchase only items displayed in the “Superbowl Madness” displays including: 36-pack cans of Coors Light, Impossibly large bag of Lay’s Potato Chips, 12-pack of Coca-Cola classic (with superbowl packaging) and hot dog ingedients and condiments (some with superbowl packaging). This person will also purchase an item that was placed here accidentally, which is a small bag of Johnny Cat brand cat litter, but they needed it anyways.

2. An overweight man will show up at a Superbowl party, survey the group for the day’s favorite team and then begin rooting spiritedly for the opposing team. This will allow for many jibes, rude “in-your-face” victory dances and ultimately, reconciliation.

3. A woman who has married a football fan will feign interest in the game and in her husband’s favorite team. She will eat a lot of snacks and cheer at the appropriate times.

4. A commercial will air depicting a portly yet likable white guy with a backwards hat and an athletic but casual black man engaging in an ornate high-five victory ritual, thus keeping race relations under control for yet another year.

5. To show his loyalty, some shitbag will show up at a party decked from head to toe in some woeful teams’ athletic apparel (let us say the New York Jets). This self-abasing outfit will cause 20 seconds of snickers and knowing laughs but will serve no other practical purpose for the remainder of the day.

6. Someone will stand up and loudly proclaim “that’s what i’m talking about baby(!)”, which, really, they should’ve stopped doing in 2002.

7. Someone will bring along a Nerf© football to throw around comically during the game. It will invariably knock something fragile over and will have to be put away.

8. Four latina women will go to an El Torito franchise dressed in an equal mix of sexy NFL licensed apparel. A group of guys will fall for the ruse, buy them margaritas all day and marvel over the fact that “they’re into football too”.

9. Young girls will watch older women behave this way, thus ensuring that future generations of single girls will continue going to sporting events in groups, wearing distracting push-up bras.

10. The Patriots will probably win by 14 points.

Did these Superbowl predictions help your NFL bets? Football is a huge sport all around the world, though the football they play in the Euro 2008 is soccer for us. If you want to bet on the Superbowl, Euro 2008 qualifiers or another huge sporting event, just look online.

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Posted in misanthropy
Tagged with 14 points, coca-cola, commercials, coors light, el torito, high five, nerf, patriots, predictions, sexy, super bowl 2008, victory dances

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Reader's Comments

1. 

   I don’t know anything about American football. How about some premiership football predictions instead. Arsenal or Man utd this season?

   Reply to this comment
2. Hogwash on 12 Feb 2008 4:35 pm