The Cola Wars, Part One
I’m working on a Hamburger Project that goes back a few years. Essentially, the goal is to find the best hamburger joints and stands in Los Angeles without relying too heavily on the same top 10 lists you’ve seen over and goddamned over.
Father’s Office, The Counter, etc. Blah.
I’ve told a few people about my project and invariably they always brighten up and ask:
“have you reviewed In-N-Out or Tommy’s yet?”
I usually hadouken them on the spot.
This long and tedious project that led me to a shorter and less filling project that is somewhat related.
I stopped at Galco’s in Highland Park to pick up some Aranciata in those little bottles and after seeing all these different Colas I decided that I needed to test all of them out in my laboratory to decide which one reigned supreme. It’s been around 100 degrees out so it’s a good time for this experiment.
Here is part 1 of the cola tests and reviews:
Eric’s Famous Cola
4-26-08, 2:30 AM
Eric’s was the first cola I tested. After a night of heavy drinking (Beer, Whiskey, Soju, Tequila, Lemon Soju and Vodka) the next morning, it wasn’t the booze that I remembered in horror, but that nasty cola.
Truly one of the most unchristian drinks to ever pass my lips. It’s so undescribably bad… but let me try: 1 part pepsi, 1 part water, 1 part nasty herbs smashed up and mixed in.
Enjoy.
Well, there will come a time that you will let the pill linger in your mouth, just out of curiousity, to see what this odd herb tastes like. You almost puke and then swallow it.
For those of you who’ve tasted an herbal supplement and thought to themselves “hey that tastes pretty good”, this cola is for you.
Cricket Cola
4-27-08 2:00 PM
This was the 2nd cola tested and quite a relief from Eric’s Ipecac. This cola is a mix of cane sugar, kola nut and green tea. Presumably, the green tea is some sort of natural caffeine (I see wut u did there) but anytime you taste the green tea part you sort of want to drive to Potomac, Maryland, grab the proprietor of Cricket by the lapels and say “Just use caffeine instead fancy pants”, followed by a burned- out- detective -who’s -not- taking- your-shit -anymore slug to the gut.
It’s pretty good. It tastes clean and refreshing, not too syrupy (although a little syrupy— let’s be honest people of BevNet).
I have to admit that I’m starting to get a little discouraged about my search for the best cola. I swear, if I drink another one like Eric’s I’m going to tear my laboratory apart and scrap this entire project.
Boylan’s Cane Cola
4-27-08, 8:10 PM
Just looking at this bottle you can tell that it’s not going to be horrible. And judging by the odd name, you know it’s not going to be great either. If you made a great cola, and your last name was Boylan—you’ probably name it something else—Star Cola maybe.
This cola is ok, and like the other colas it has sort of a robittussin-y aftertaste, which is supposed to be a kind of spice. This flavor is not overbearing with Boylan’s but is still mildly annoying. I guess this medicine/herbal taste is what is required for drinkers of fancy sodas to exclaim “this is natural!” and must stay for them.
Moxie Cherry Cola
4-27-08, 10pm
I’ve had a lot of colas today. Moxie hails from Redmond, Washington— home of Microsoft (could be an rich ex-employee’s company?) and is not exactly the same as the other colas because it has cherry but I figured it was fair since all the other colas had some berry or herb added too. So far, Moxie is the best cola I’ve tested. All the colas were cooled to 35 degrees, yet this one seemed much colder and more drinkable. Fancy and refined without trying to be too unique. It has a dab of the robitussin taste that the other colas had but had more sweetness to offset it. The color and smell were also very nice. When I find the best hambuger in the world I will drink a Moxie along with it.
While hunting for a website I found that Moxie is not some little mom and pop brand (or ex MSFT employee) but rather some company that makes these fancy and throwback sodas called Orca Beverages. Oh well.
Go2Cola, Safeway Brand (no website)
1:12AM, 4-28-08
While returning my movies tonight (I rent them from the kiosk at the grocery store. Yeah, I’m a bumpkin) I decided to look in the soda aisle to see if there were any Colas that Galco’s didn’t have.
There was: An underdog hailing from Pleasanton, California this bargain macrobrew with the 1990’s-alphanumeric-cool name packs quite a punch.
Like detective John Shaft, Go2Cola is a complicated soda. At first overly effervescent and almost spicy, it soon mellows into a very approachable moderately sweet Cola. I feel like the abundance of bubbles would go far to break down the molecular structure of some stale pizza or beef jerky.
My only criticism of this beverage is the lame 1990’s R&B group inspired name and hammerpant print packaging. It could make a serious Cola drinker not take Go2 Cola seriously. I would advise one of the lesser but more expensive Colas above fill their fancy bottles with Go2 cola and arbitrage themselves to riches.
In my research I found that there are a lot of soda and cola testers out there in the world. The best of the ilk can be found on this page .
So far, Moxie and G02 Cola are nearly tied, Moxie ahead slightly for presentation.
Stay tuned for part 2 of the experiment.
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Tagged with boylans, cherry cola, coca-cola, coke, cola, energy cola, eric's famous, moxie, pepsi, soda, taste test, terrible
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Your SFII image depicts a sho-ryuken, BTW, not a hadouken. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, MAN!
think you’re wrong about that Erics Famous Goji Berry… think its pretty dang good for an energy drink.
you should try the vanilla one.
Jay, I suspect you work for the company that makes Eric’s Famous, Sparke Technology. I have no problem with that.
If you’d like, send me some of the vanilla and if it’s good i’ll remove the bad stuff written here and add it to the second installment i’m working on.
I actually really like the Eric’s Famous cola. I prefer the vanilla and rootbeer. It is super delicious. Compared to the other energy drinks on the market it taste way better and has a little kick to it. If you were doing the taste test only for cola, you might think it had a differnt taste, but do a taste test with energy drinks and it will come out on top for sure.
While I believe Jay is a great fan of Eric’s Famous, he does not work for our company… I do however and would be happy to send you some bottles of our other flavors.
Thanks for giving it a shot – send us an email with your address to info@ericsfamous.com
Cheers!
Eric
Eric, I have sent you an email re: the trial sodas. Please check your spam folder, the email will be coming from afox AT wonderhowto.com
Wow, sorry for the extreme delay. Just found your email indeed in our spam folder. Will be getting those sodas out to you, I think you will enjoy them!
Cheers,
Eric
Thanks a lot Eric!
If it’s good (i’m sure it will be) i’ll write a post dedicated to it and i’ll redact what I wrote here.
Had a Moxie Cola in St. Petersburg, FL Worst tasting cola ever. It hails from Boston, no wonder.
I go to Galcos all the time. Outside of Fentimans Traditional Curiosity Cola, Eric’s is my favorite cola I’ve tried so far. Since the fentimans is 3.50 a bottle, I buy Eric’s by the case. haven’t tried the vanilla, getting ready to drive over to Eagle Rock and pick some up! I kinda like the Moxie too, but a little too sweet. Much love to Eric for such a great product.
How’d you like those sodas we sent you!?
The Goji definitely has the most distinctive flavor profile of the four.
And to Mark – so glad you like it!