This Thing That Netflix Does

When you first sign up with Netflix (or re-sign up in my case) they are you on your first week of a new job. Overachieving, arriving early, giving useful suggestions. I would send in my movies and within 2 days— all new movies. I have the 4 at once option, which is about $24 per month.

I was a movie watching fool for awhile there.

Fast forward a staggering two weeks later and you’ll get emails like this:

I chose the last option. It took me to a page like this:

Thank you! We are using your feedback to better serve you!

Hey! You’re welcome! But…..

I might be wrong here, but in the mail movie rental busines, how does my feedback really come into play? Here are the steps, as far as I am aware:

1. I get bored at work and start monkeying around on Netflix, looking for interesting films.
2. I select some films and add them to my “Q ueue”
3. Some hack at Netflix grabs this dvd in a very silly waxy paper sleeve and put it in a red envelope and send it towards my address
4. I open red envelope (I hide them while walking from the mailbox, lest my neighbors think i’m a flagrant homosexual who gets correspondence in brightly colored envelopes) and put into DVD machine. Usually I dislike the DVD.
5. Put my DVDs back into red envelopes (which for some reason seems like a total pain in the ass when i’m rushing to work)
6. I then go to one of those mail receptacles that looks like a blue metal Grimace from Mcdonalds gang of Hamburger fanatics that supposedly is the fastest way to mail things, and the cycle begins anew.

Apparently, them knowing when I mailed it back will help them not string me along like a fat girl on Friday waiting for my goddamned DVD movies.

Anyhow, Netflix, if you know what’s good for you you’ll stop doing it this way.

Netflix: Talking tough eh, what are you gonna do?

Me: well, maybe stop renting your dumb red dvds anymore and go back to the movie store where I get them 10 SECONDS after I rent them. Dig that!

Netflix: You know youre too lazy to return movies, and besides, by loooking at the faggotry you’ve rented in the past I doubt your local blockbuster has it. Besides, you hate interacting with video store employees don’t you? You cringe when they make comments about the movies you’re renting, right?

Me: Well..

Netflix: Yeah that’s what I thought The-Unbearable-Lightness-Of-Being-With-Fucking-Kenneth-Branagh-Tough-Guy

Me: You nasty SOB, that was for a friend!

Netflix: Yeah sure it was.. enjoy your movies

Me: Yeah, ok…

Random _Posts

Reader's Comments

1. 

   How very dumb. I don’t have a “movie obsession” and I think
   kissing up to netflix is nothing to do. They have people by the private parts and they know what they are doing, however. anyone who uses their service is empty headed and stupid.
   Movies are in the realm of illusion and those who are slaves to them are anything but real. no, thanks, no unreality for me. —Doug

   Reply to this comment
2. Doug Rosbury on 11 Mar 2008 2:45 pm
3. 

   Ummmm… are you serious about this? There are a few steps between you putting it in your mailbox and them getting it. This isn’t email. They are asking to you see if there was some bizarre holdup by the post office.

   Now if you got the email saying they received it, then had to wait two weeks for them to email you saying your next one was on the way, that’s netflix fault. But mailing it, then waiting two weeks before you get the confirmation it was received means there was some hold up at the post office.

   Jeez dude. That seems pretty friggin obvious.

   Reply to this comment
4. Josh on 11 Mar 2008 3:12 pm
5. 

   where did you two yahoos come from? I can’t make heads or tails of either of your comments.

   If there is a bizarre holdup at the post office, wtf will netflix do about it? I think that’s pretty obvious.

   Reply to this comment
6. andyfox1979 on 11 Mar 2008 8:18 pm
7. 

   netflix pulled this one on me too

   Reply to this comment
8. gay black thug on 21 Feb 2009 9:20 am
9. 

   Netflix/Blockbuster, companies that managed to lose my business. How fucking difficult was it to give me what I wanted in a timely manner. The days of timely kept getting longer. OK two day turned to three and three days turned to four. Do you think they new I was ripping everyone of them. Redbox is the next good deal. One dollar for each day. I say one dollar and it’s mine.

   Reply to this comment
10. SteveO on 29 Jun 2009 10:56 pm
11. 

    SteveO I can’t believe they still do this. They’re pretty stupid if they think customers don’t notice that they start staggering out their movies to save money.

    And their customer service reps are so rude and ridicule you by calling you names related to the movies you rent.

    Reply to this comment
12. andyfox1979 on 22 Jan 2010 12:54 am
13. 

    I had my “private parts” in the hands of such corporations and it sucked.
    Fortunately one day I discovered That i had A PC with FAST internet connection sitting around doing nothing.
    I looked around and besides endless Free porn i found Cheap online movies here http://bit.ly/awBr5I and here http://bit.ly/a9Lgbs .
    Now when I read Blogs about Netflix pains I laugh and I laugh hard.
    I’m Laughing right now as a mater of fact.No wonder it took me 30 minutes to write a comment

    Reply to this comment
14. Adrian on 31 Jan 2010 5:34 am
15. 

    Meh! I’ve used Netflix plenty of times, and it’s just fiiine to me.

    Reply to this comment
16. Cheri on 25 Feb 2010 3:49 pm