Tit Terrorists (Breastfeeding In Public)
Obviously, as a woman, I am all for tits. As a person who did not possess them until almost 17, I can appreciate their deep and lasting impact on a pubescent female’s perspective on where she ranks in today’s society.
And, as a grown up in possession of a lovely (if lopsided) pair of B’s, I can understand that we as women want to be appreciated for more than what we are literally putting on the table.
And this is where I don’t get public breast feeders. While I totally get that the mammary glands true purpose is nurturing children, you would basically have to put a gun to my head to make me suckle my young, because I think it is fucking gross. Not when YOU do it, of course. When YOU do it, It is Lovely! And Natural! And also, GROSS!
A recent example:
Random client comes into the office with her young, one of which is clearly still at the larvae stage. Goes into a meeting with the boss (did I mention he is a boy?). I go about my business but in the back of my mom head I am thinking “That baby has been pretty quiet for a larvae. Hmmm….” I should mention that I am in possession of an 8 month old, and am as such intimately accquainted with the needs of the 1 and under set.
As soon as the meeting was over, I said to my boss:
“She whipped her tit out, right?”
He nearly fell over himself with the confession.
“I didn’t know what to do or where to look. I mean, it’s natural, right? The baby needs food. And food is precious to life…”
And so on until I hit him upside the head with The Journal of Common Fucking Sense, which dictates that you DO NOT WHIP OUT A TIT IN A BUSINESS MEETING.
I don’t care how precious you feel that tit is, it is a fucking spectacle (and boys, it is only ugly and veiny because it is giving life), and how justified you may feel, keep it in your fucking pants.
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Amy-
When I see a woman breastfeeding and she has huge roundies i always do the look where i’m acting like i’m embarassed and trying not to look but am really trying to look. They’re gross when they have milk coming out and all but in a few short months they’ll be ready for business again and will be locked away in a shirt again.
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haha, way to speak your mind
gives us girls (especially those such as myself) a good look into the average joe’s mind… and a good reason to cover up in public! i’m all for nursing in public. i’ll bf when my 8 month old needs to eat regardless of where i am… but nursing or not a boob is a boob and i wont show it without my baby so i wont show it with her either. i always use thin blankets. so no sneak preview guys 
say it nicely like that and you’ll let a few more nursing mothers understand why nursing in public doesnt mean they cant be modest about it at the same time 
great wording
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Let me start by saying that if & when I have children I will not be breast feeding. But I do enjoy the awkward & uncomfortable feelings that are associated with a woman breast feeding in public. It’s like a train wreck or a car accident, I don’t wanna look but I can’t stop staring. If I was into the idea of it, had a newborn & had a nice rack….i would whip the girls out all of the time. Especially in business meetings!
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I have a hard time seeing how breastfeeding is gross. It has to be the most natural thing a mother can do for her newborn child. I also believe that their are nutritional benefits to breastfeeding as oppose to being bottle fed. Along with that their has to be a bond between mother and child that seems important and cannot be replaced by a plastic bottle. I also realize that I am a man and everything I have said is asinine because I will never have to whip my tit out and feed my baby. Most people believe in what they have experienced as children. If you were breastfed (as I was) then you probably believe in breastfeeding and vice versa. As far as milking in public I think it is awesome because it is so awkward you don’t usually know what to do with yourself.
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I say just go ahead and look…I figure it like this:
Breastfeeding is “natural” (a theory subscribed to by many women and some men {who are a post unto themselves}). And it is OK to look at nature! Ask Discovery Channel and NOW if you don’t believe me.
Looking at babies is a normal human instinct (most girls do this, and all the good guys do).
Looking at boobs is also a normal human instinct (all genders do this, for whatever their gender-specific reason may be).
I myself am trying to work up to actually petting the baby while it is on the tit, because I think that would be a total fucking riot…I never think twice about getting all up in the face of a bottle feeding baby. I’ll let you know how I make out.
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one time i saw a woman breastfeeding with these terrific coconuts and i was like that’s so beautiful can i take a photo? and she was like sorta liberal and maybe believed in an eastern religion and was like “sure you can”. And then i told my friend Pete Pelmo to hold the baby while I took the photo.
alright that didn’t happen but its technically not a lie since i plan for it to happen one day.
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Andy, seriously? You are an awful human being. For which I totally adore you.
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UHHH hello?! Does anyone not realize breast feeding is part of life? Suck it up weirdos. I believe there are certain places where it shouldn’t be done, but yeah.. breast feeding is disgusting? Oh of course, feeding your newborn child essential nutrients to survive.. completely gross. F**king nutty people..
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I feed my child essential nutrients to survive…they’re called “formula” and as an FYI the WalMart brand is waaaay cheaper.
BTW, “Suck it up weirdos” is an awesome turn of phrase in this context. Kudos.
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Breast-feeding is very good for babies. It has everything they need, even the weird fluid that flows before the milk does. Breast milk contains over 200 different components that when combined and coexisting with each other (including lots of saturated fat and cholesterol for tiny tim) are far better then any formula you can give a baby.
Why?
Because most baby formula contain only approximately 40 ingredients. There is no comparison between 200 essential nutrients for baby, and 40.
Because of this complexity, breast feeding helps reduce or eliminate the risk of asthma, abnormal brain and muscle development, healthy eye development, and heart development later in life. It has been proven in studies that breast-fed children do better academically, and recreationally. They tend to be more intelligent and active than formula-fed children. (That being said, there are anomalies, as with any generalization)
However, as to the issue of “whipping out a tit” in public, people shouldn’t do it, or at least be more discreet. Blankets only cost a few dollars, and I’m sure every mother on the planet has a jacket or piece of fabric they can use in public.
So for the TL;DR’s, Breast-feeding=good, public breast-feeding=bad=keep it out of sight.
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I’m all for breast feeding, but not in public. I hate when people say, “but it’s the most natural thing in the world”. My response to that is, “so’s taking a crap, but I don’t do it in front of you, do I?”
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I breastfeed my 4-month old baby in public ALL the time. I secretely wait for someone to say something or look at me a little bit too hard so I can yell “what the hell are you looking at?” and call security over. It is the law in FL that I can BF whenever and wherever I want.
I was also grossed out when I saw women BFing and swore I woudl never do it but it all changed when I saw my newborn. Breastmilk has antibodies, formula does not! Plus it helps me lose the baby weight and it is so convenient. No washing 110+ baby bottles every day!
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Nola, this may sound strange but I am glad you breastfeed because as you say formula lacks antibodies to fortify an immature immune system. Even the immunofortis formula isn’t as good as breastmilk. I believe the all women should breastfeed. I think its stupid that people complain about public breastfeeding because if your child is hungry it doesn’t matter where you are, you are going to feed your child. People have always breastfeed in public and besides some old guys probably get their first wood in 30+ years. lol.
You are also spot on about not having to clean lots of bottles and carry large tins of formula. In my eyes boobs are good unless you are gay and even then you probably wish you had a pair.
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linda:
taking a crap is natural, and it is also natural that we don’t do it in front of another living being, because the bacteria contained in feces could be detrimentalto their health. that’s why in the wild animals go far (or far enough) from where they live and eat to poo. we dont poo in front of one another for this simple reason. comparing breastfeeding and pooping doesn’t make sense. breast feeding will not kill you, so don’t be scared.
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So…I definitely agree with Linda ^ about other things being natural, but that we ought not do them in public. I thought it was just me, but Amy, you are badass for posting this! The woman in the business meeting acted in a highly unprofessional manner, even though it does make for dumbass-hilarity. To all you womenfolk bitching about how breastfeeding is so “natural” and “good for the baby”, congratulations on feeling that way. But NEVER, in ANY circumstance is it ok to just whip your boobs out, even if it is to feed your child. There is no reason you couldn’t step into a restroom or a secluded area to nurse. I don’t give a damn if you nurse, clearly Amy doesn’t either-it’s just that it is really embarrassing and uncomfortable for other people for women to do so in public. Nobody said they thought it was wrong or unhealthy, it’s just gross to the people who have to see it outside of your charmed circle of mother and child. It is, in short, gross.
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I take that back. I meant I agree w/ Misanthropist.
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What is wrong with you people why would I take my screaming hungry baby into one of the dirtiest places the bathroom to feed him? would you go eat in the bathroom just because someone else was offened by what you where eating! I f my babys hungry I am not going to listen to him scream in hunger he dont understand mommy cant feed you now cause some inscure person dosnt like her breastfeeding you in public! No if he’s hungry you can bet no matter where I am or what I am doing I am going to pop it out and feed him! Plus if I didnt feed him then you would be complaing about how much that annoying baby was screaming and how the mother should have donw something to comfert it! well nothing works except feeding them when they are hungry!! That being said I do have to agree to go in to a buisness meeting and breastfeed is kinda rude why on earth would you bring your child to work with you? I don’t know anywhere where that is ok!
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So I have a baby and I breastfeed. But my work has a special pumping/breastfeeding room, so when I need to feed my daughter, I take her in there.
Also, seconding the whole “blanket” thing in public. I always find a somewhat secluded bench before breastfeeding.
And when the baby was very small, I could put her in the sling, put on a big freaking hat on her head and then breastfeed her and no one could see a thing-while walking down the street.
Breastfeeding has been a great experience for me. It’s like a combination between feeling a rush of endorphins like everything is right in the world, and feeling the physical pleasure of actually getting lighter boobs (dear god, there have been times when I almost went “moo” since they were so full). Of course, the first two weeks of getting breastfeeding down were a total bitch-my nipples felt like they had road rash permanently and it totally sucked. But breastfeeding is probably the single-most reason why I haven’t thrown my baby against the wall in anger every time she does something infuriating. It built up those love feelings more completely and fully than anything else I can think of.
And obviously, if there is no other way to be discreet with breastfeeding, I do keep a bottle of water around for her to drink to tide her over.
But honestly? I’ve never seen people whip out nipples and squirt out milk all over the place like some weird pornographic display. And I live in a weird funky hippy town.
Of course, I am fairly low-key about body-panic, mainly because I don’t immediately go to a sexual place when I see people’s bodies. But too many people have been socialized to think that “certain naked parts”=bad and dirty and sexual, so I guess depending on where you live the social response can be different.
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Yes, those exposed breasts will surely be the death of civilized society. The breast is a dirty thing, after all. A filthy, perverse object that only lustful reprobates has the gall to show anyone.
The human body in general is a horribly gross thing. I wish I wouldn’t have to see bare arms or uncovered faces. And what about those sluts showing cleavage? What are their husbands going to think when they’re walking around just asking to be raped?
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i think breast feeding is normal.
so guys, girls if you wanna look, just look because a woman breast feed her newborn baby to keep her newborn baby alive nd healthy because that’s food for the baby.
BUT
don’t breast-feed you newborn baby in an office meeting because that is just GROSS.
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Are you seriously that much of an idiot?
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I did breast feed and I am with the author on this one. No one wants to see that. Breast feeding is supposed to be a bonding moment between baby and mother, how are you bonding when you flip your breast out and sucking on a big gulp at the local mall?? Those who like the shock factor, I think they are doing it for all the wrong reasons.
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Ok, your not insecure just because you don’t want to look at veiny saggy boobs, I have an 18 mo old and one in the oven, one was breast fed and the 2nd will be also, IN PRIVATE! or at least under a blanket, the reason its so off putting is because its such an intimate private moment, some guy picking up a new pair of sneakers doesn’t want to look over and have to bear witness to your intimate moment! He shouldn’t have to, but because your some femme-tit-terrorist who’s been fed all this pro breastagahnda you wanna rip your shirt off and suckle your young in front of every one, its gross, its disgusting to do in public! Keep your udders out of my face b**ch or I might latch on!
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