Tit Terrorists (Breastfeeding In Public)
Obviously, as a woman, I am all for tits. As a person who did not possess them until almost 17, I can appreciate their deep and lasting impact on a pubescent female’s perspective on where she ranks in today’s society.
And, as a grown up in possession of a lovely (if lopsided) pair of B’s, I can understand that we as women want to be appreciated for more than what we are literally putting on the table.
And this is where I don’t get public breast feeders. While I totally get that the mammary glands true purpose is nurturing children, you would basically have to put a gun to my head to make me suckle my young, because I think it is fucking gross. Not when YOU do it, of course. When YOU do it, It is Lovely! And Natural! And also, GROSS!
A recent example:
Random client comes into the office with her young, one of which is clearly still at the larvae stage. Goes into a meeting with the boss (did I mention he is a boy?). I go about my business but in the back of my mom head I am thinking “That baby has been pretty quiet for a larvae. Hmmm….” I should mention that I am in possession of an 8 month old, and am as such intimately accquainted with the needs of the 1 and under set.
As soon as the meeting was over, I said to my boss:
“She whipped her tit out, right?”
He nearly fell over himself with the confession.
“I didn’t know what to do or where to look. I mean, it’s natural, right? The baby needs food. And food is precious to life…”
And so on until I hit him upside the head with The Journal of Common Fucking Sense, which dictates that you DO NOT WHIP OUT A TIT IN A BUSINESS MEETING.
I don’t care how precious you feel that tit is, it is a fucking spectacle (and boys, it is only ugly and veiny because it is giving life), and how justified you may feel, keep it in your fucking pants.
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Amy-
When I see a woman breastfeeding and she has huge roundies i always do the look where i’m acting like i’m embarassed and trying not to look but am really trying to look. They’re gross when they have milk coming out and all but in a few short months they’ll be ready for business again and will be locked away in a shirt again.
Let me start by saying that if & when I have children I will not be breast feeding. But I do enjoy the awkward & uncomfortable feelings that are associated with a woman breast feeding in public. It’s like a train wreck or a car accident, I don’t wanna look but I can’t stop staring. If I was into the idea of it, had a newborn & had a nice rack….i would whip the girls out all of the time. Especially in business meetings!
I have a hard time seeing how breastfeeding is gross. It has to be the most natural thing a mother can do for her newborn child. I also believe that their are nutritional benefits to breastfeeding as oppose to being bottle fed. Along with that their has to be a bond between mother and child that seems important and cannot be replaced by a plastic bottle. I also realize that I am a man and everything I have said is asinine because I will never have to whip my tit out and feed my baby. Most people believe in what they have experienced as children. If you were breastfed (as I was) then you probably believe in breastfeeding and vice versa. As far as milking in public I think it is awesome because it is so awkward you don’t usually know what to do with yourself.
I say just go ahead and look…I figure it like this:
Breastfeeding is “natural” (a theory subscribed to by many women and some men {who are a post unto themselves}). And it is OK to look at nature! Ask Discovery Channel and NOW if you don’t believe me.
Looking at babies is a normal human instinct (most girls do this, and all the good guys do).
Looking at boobs is also a normal human instinct (all genders do this, for whatever their gender-specific reason may be).
I myself am trying to work up to actually petting the baby while it is on the tit, because I think that would be a total fucking riot…I never think twice about getting all up in the face of a bottle feeding baby. I’ll let you know how I make out.
one time i saw a woman breastfeeding with these terrific coconuts and i was like that’s so beautiful can i take a photo? and she was like sorta liberal and maybe believed in an eastern religion and was like “sure you can”. And then i told my friend Pete Pelmo to hold the baby while I took the photo.
alright that didn’t happen but its technically not a lie since i plan for it to happen one day.
Andy, seriously? You are an awful human being. For which I totally adore you.
UHHH hello?! Does anyone not realize breast feeding is part of life? Suck it up weirdos. I believe there are certain places where it shouldn’t be done, but yeah.. breast feeding is disgusting? Oh of course, feeding your newborn child essential nutrients to survive.. completely gross. F**king nutty people..
I feed my child essential nutrients to survive…they’re called “formula” and as an FYI the WalMart brand is waaaay cheaper.
BTW, “Suck it up weirdos” is an awesome turn of phrase in this context. Kudos.
Breast-feeding is very good for babies. It has everything they need, even the weird fluid that flows before the milk does. Breast milk contains over 200 different components that when combined and coexisting with each other (including lots of saturated fat and cholesterol for tiny tim) are far better then any formula you can give a baby.
Why?
Because most baby formula contain only approximately 40 ingredients. There is no comparison between 200 essential nutrients for baby, and 40.
Because of this complexity, breast feeding helps reduce or eliminate the risk of asthma, abnormal brain and muscle development, healthy eye development, and heart development later in life. It has been proven in studies that breast-fed children do better academically, and recreationally. They tend to be more intelligent and active than formula-fed children. (That being said, there are anomalies, as with any generalization)
However, as to the issue of “whipping out a tit” in public, people shouldn’t do it, or at least be more discreet. Blankets only cost a few dollars, and I’m sure every mother on the planet has a jacket or piece of fabric they can use in public.
So for the TL;DR’s, Breast-feeding=good, public breast-feeding=bad=keep it out of sight.
I’m all for breast feeding, but not in public. I hate when people say, “but it’s the most natural thing in the world”. My response to that is, “so’s taking a crap, but I don’t do it in front of you, do I?”