So I got to thinking about the show “To Catch A Predator” again, and I do apologize to the people who like to come here to read new stuff, that you know, I tend to dwell on things.
I was thinking today that TV shows always up the ante until they eventually reach critical mass, implode on themselves, and then die a quiet death.
The only way to really get peoples horned up for another installment will be to find women predators.
I know that someone from Perverted Justice has seen this blog, so maybe they they just get RSS feeds to anything that mentions them. Look , I know I said bad things in the past about you guys, and we got into it over the comments, but I need you to do me a solid.
To Wit: Please forward this message along to Chris Hansen and Dateline NBC making absolutely no alterations without my permission:
Dear Chris Hansen, Dateline, NBC, Et Al:
My name is Andy Fox, I live in Los Angeles, California (maybe you’ve heard of it!). As you can tell, I’m a real card (re: the Los Angeles joke) and I have a great name for TV. My face on the other hand isn’t totally made for TV or anything, but hey look at Chris Hansen’s– No offense but he’s no Burt Reynolds or anything.
Anyhow, I know you guys are probably racking your brains to try and figure out a way to keep people’s boners exploding over your show, and I have just the idea: Women Predators. Close your eyes and say it in your mind.
What’s more is I want to co-host with Chris. I will be like Scottie Pippen to his Michael Jordan meaning, I will either alley-oop or dunk the snappy quips, or vice versa. Here is an example:
EXT. CRACKER STYLE FAMILY HOME. FRONT PORCH–LATE AFTERNOON
It’s overcast in quiet Tampa, Florida. There is something amiss, you can smell it in the air. (sorry, just painting the scene here). An OVERWEIGHT WOMAN with Don Knotts on the skull pulls up in a Red 1987 Ford Tempo. A skinny blond kid with an unstylish baseball hat goes to the porch to reel her in.
BLOND BOY: Hey m’am, i’m right here.
OVERWEIGHT WOMAN: urgh, oh hi. You look marvelous.
BLOND BOY: thanks m’am. Did you bring the Trojan Condoms and Smirnoff Ice like I requested? (product placement. Boo-yeah, the sales team will pop major boners over that)
OVERWEIGHT WOMAN: Oh yes honey.
BLOND BOY: Come on in and have a cookie I just baked. I need to go change the laundry.
INT. CRACKER HOUSE. KITCHEN-A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Overweight woman walks in and looks around. This is probably the 4th time she’s been inside a residence that wasn’t constructed of sheet metal. She grabs a cookie.
Enter CHRIS HANSEN.
CHRIS HANSEN: Put that cookie down, Bernadette, we have a few questions for you.
Enter ANDY FOX.
ANDY FOX: It looks like you don’t need it anyhow.
Andy Fox and Chris Hansen high-five.
CHRIS HANSEN: well played Fox. So Bernadette, according to our logs you said you wanted to……
If anyone knows anyone at Dateline, Perverted Justice or NBC please forward this along.