what a dick.
A Canadian reader named Caleb often regales me with funny stories of him dealing with babes up in Canada. He wrote a great review of some coffee shops in Edmonton and some other things.
Here’s a breakup email he sent to some girl. AF
So I had this awesome conversation the other day, I thought I’d let you guys in on a massive burn/funny ass let down. So this girl pressures me for two weeks with prayers and supplications like I’m a fucking Hindu Demi-god for WEEKS to go out with her.
March 13 at 6:39pm
and then remembered that I have a date with you.
but I don’t really want to come.
If I had a charger for my phone, you would have been called. I don’t, I think I left it at Maria’s. Yes, Maria from the show on Wednesday. haha. you can call me another time; perhaps when I get my phone charged I’ll call you. or message. or whatever.
I’ll be chilling with my friends.
have a nice supper =)
March 14 at 11:01am
I earnestly try not to mention how another girl pleased me more than you did, especially after sex. it’s just sexual ettiquette. I mean, I could, but then YOU’D be the one writing this long-ass, boring letter.
But truth be told, your friend was better than you. She asked me not to tell you, so have fun guessing which one.
Your comment about me being able to ‘handle’ whatever you were going to do ‘at the next party’ and then mentioning my broski is lame, but the response I gave you was more fitting than vomitus.
remember?
“I’d dump you and find someone better, that’s how I’d handle it”
Ha. bet you thought I was joking.
you’re dumped.
=)
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I invited ****** over today, she was adamant about how she said the wrong thing, that it came out wrong at the wrong time. kept begging me to forgive her and ended up telling me that she hated herself for saying that.
I just looked at her straight in the eye and said “I fucked someone else instead of coming to supper with you on Friday.”
She didn’t believe me, I even told her who. She kept saying that she thought I was joking, and ended up staying over…
We kissed and she tried seducing me, but I couldn’t fucking do it, I was so pissed about the comment she had made. I ended up just rolling over and telling her I couldn’t.
She got pissed off and said that she wasn’t the only one who said stupid things. I rolled over and said “I wasn’t kidding. I wasn’t fucking kidding you know.” she says ‘what?’ and her face dropped.
“I really did fuck Maria Friday night. no jokes.”
well, It looks like I made a convert to misanthropy, boys. or at least misandry.
this is the message she sent me today on facebook:
**********
Today at 1:55pm
I probably shouldn’t be writing this right now because I’m a mess, but it’s best because I need you to know how I really feel. I really cared. About you, about us, about what little we had. It is literally killing me knowing I destroyed all of this. I can’t even remember the last time I was this sad. Everything was going so well and then I fucking napalmed the whole village. I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting anything to do with me after that.
Nothing was a game for me. I took everything so seriously and my attempts to cover it up with calculating words and coyness backfired. There are grounds that should never be tread on, but did I think to know? Not at the time. I was an excited naive girl, using my worst quality to try to bring light to the worst situation.
You’ve affected me in no uncertain terms as my perspective is completely shifted. For that I am glad, thank you. Naiveness sometimes brings truth, but always with pain.
****************
You’re welcome, girl. =)
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