What Your Ex Girlfriend Is Up To
I got an email from a reader:
Hey Andy Fox!! Ive followed your site here for a while now and I go to Texas A&M and see sometimes you mentioning your ex gf in your posts…. because I respect your opinion highly I want to know if you ever think about what she is up to and how you think of it and how you think I should handle it. Id really like to know your advice since its been heavy on my mind a lot……..don’t post this please.. (if you do change my name in case someone reads it who knows me since ive shown your site to quite a few freinds of mine)
Thanks a million!
Teddy
Hey Teddy-
Thanks for reading Misanthropy Today and for writing in. It’s nice to get emails from people. I gotta admit that most of the emails I get are sort of silly and yours is not an exception (in form only.. they always seem odd) but I do see where you’re coming from.
Sorry I mention my ex sometimes… I mostly just do it because I have a lot of material attached to that whole situation, and as you get older you will tend to do that— attach a lot to these situations.
This is why I’m saying:
You’re a college aged guy. As much as you’ve heard that this kind of thing doesn’t matter that much I’m going to tell you again that this really doesn’t matter. I know I sound like some old crank, but really I’ve been there and it only matters in your head and you have many better and worse experiences ahead of you and you shouldn’t burn yourself out on this one. Pace yourself.
What is your ex-girlfriend up to?
If you’re thinking about her she’s not thinking about you. For sure.
The only way to make her think of you is to stop thinking of her. If she thinks about you it’s negatively and not negative good like she wants to make you appreciate her more but negative like you’re a douchebag and she regrets dating you.
She’s dating other people. I assure you she’s sleeping with them, in case you had any illusions that she’s not. That’s common. We all think that.
Also, she’s giving them blowjobs. I only say this because I have a friend who told me after a 6 month breakup with his girlfriend he grilled her to make sure that she at least didn’t give other guys blowjobs. She said she didn’t. Weird right?
Trust me, she gives them blowjobs the same way she gave them to you. You think she is less enthused with them but she probably only knows one way to do it—- however she did it— the same way you only know one way to kiss or one way to fold a paper airplane; Humans are not as complex as you’d like to think.
And she might be more enthused over them. That’s a tough thing to consider. That she’s heartbroken over some guy who doesn’t like her.
Since you attend Texas A&M I’m assuming you’re studying Agriculture or Ag Business because I don’t know what the M stands for.
I studied Philosophy, which is pretty worthless sure, but I still study it to try and keep my mind sharp.
Lately I’ve been reading a lot of Rumi.
Rumi was a middle eastern poet and philosopher before they all became so crazy over there. He’s a Sufist, which is a mystical sect of the Islamic faith. I like Sufism. Sufis try to be happy and weird and magical and subversive to all orthodoxies, even their own orthodoxy. I like that sort of thing. They quoted the nice parts of the Qu’ran and had no attachment to the more radical parts.
One part of the Qu’ran that I’ve always liked is a line that says “We are all returning”, meaning we are all trying to become good and acceptable in the eyes of God because we start and end with God.
I’m not a religious fanatic but I like the sentiment.
Rumi relates this experience to returning from a bar, drunk, trying to go back home, but feeling confused and unfulfilled.
A policeman stops Rumi and asks him:
“Why are you out wandering the streets in the middle of the night?”
Rumi replies:
“Sir, If I knew the answer to that question I would have been home hours ago!”
Rumi also says:
You moan, “She Left Me”, “He Left Me”.
Twenty more will come.
Is the one I love everywhere?
The answer, of course, is yes. Everything that you valued in your ex-girlfriend can be found all around you; you just gotta put in the effort and find it and extract it from other sources.
Anyhow, sorry to drag this out. I needed something to write a post about and I hope that ultimately it will help you sort your situation out.
I can’t imagine dating my college girlfriend.
Chin up,
AF
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Tagged with advice, dating, email, ex girlfriend, rumi, texas
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Priceless:
“Trust me, she gives them blowjobs the same way she gave them to you. You think she is less enthused with them but she probably only knows one way to do it—- however she did it— the same way you only know one way to kiss or one way to fold a paper airplane; Humans are not as complex as you’d like to think.”
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damn you tom. i was trying to make Teddy feel better. The “however she did it” part seems sloppy now that you’ve quoted it.
I just meant, “however she gave you a BJ she gives it to some other dude now that exact same way.”
Makes you want to throw up, thinking of that.
My ex-gf from college tried to F me a few months ago. Except i’m not into blond girls anymore. And i’m sure she fucked more black guys than Equifax when we were in college.
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I think it reads fine and it’s solid advice.
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Teddy wrote me today and said “DUDE YOU POSTED MY NAME!?!! your right though about what you said. thanks. teddy”
No problem teddy.
Generally thinking about your ex holding some guys weiner in her hand is enough to make you look down the open road for new opportunities.
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hahahahhahahaha so true
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this is the best stuff ive read in a long time. Its so obvious but so true, although it makes you feel a bit pathetic for ever thinking those thoughts in the first place.
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Two thumps up for this! There should be a version for the females…LOL
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Yup, brilliant advice. She is out there meeting (and screwing) new people. The only way for this guy to get her back is to ignore her and fill his own life with interesting people and things. Paradoxically, he then probably won’t give a stuff if she wants him back or not. Ain’t life odd.
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I stumbled upon this site, and I think it’s great. Love the ex girlfriend post. Not sure what to add other than the heartbroken (Teddy) need to grow a pair—seriously. If it was meant to work out, it would have. While your ex is busy holding some other dude’s crank (and god help him because you know all the bad shit that is going to happen to him in due time), remember all the nonsense she put you through! She isn’t all that great. If she was, then things most likely wouldn’t have fallen apart. My ex was super hot—but she sucked in bed, treated people like crap, had delusions of grandeur in terms of her intelligence and importance, and was just a straight up, high maintenance pain in the ass who was as crazy as the day is long. My life is so much better single because by the end I couldn’t stand the bitch. And let’s lose one last societal delusion: being coupled is NOT always superior to being it on your own—it just depends! A relationship can be a living death if it is with the wrong person, and being single is amazing if you get off your dead ass and have a life. And no relationship will EVER make you have a life. That is work you have to do on your own.
I guess my point is move on! There are a million of them out there, and many are way, way better than your tired, worn out ex. Let it die already.
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“The ‘however she did it’ part seems sloppy” Unfortunately, it fit the subject matter.
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This actually helped me. Thanks.
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glad i could help
“the same way you only know one way to kiss or one way to fold a paper airplane; Humans are not as complex as you’d like to think.”
If that hadn’t come at the end of a paragraph about giving blowjobs, I would be quoting it everywhere. It made me cry a little inside.
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