Why Dane Cook Sucks And Is Unfunny
I’ve mentioned how I think Dane Cook sucks and is unfunny before but I read something about him this morning on my morning internet hike (I like to call fucking off on the internet new verby terms, surfing is so 90’s) and I got so pissed that I bicycled over to my blog and decided to write an analysis on why DC isn’t funny and sucks some of the biggest cocks in the world, or at least North America.
Superfans Of Dane Cook Will Respond To You Saying He Sucks Like This:
1) No way, he’s hilarious.
2) Well he’s more successful/richer/famouser/better looking than you are.
3) I like this one joke where he says….
To that I say:
1. No, he’s really not.
2. Ok you got me there, but so are lots of lousy people like Osama Bin Laden and OJ Simpson. Being any of those things doesn’t really figure in to being good at comedy, which was the point I was making.
3. Stop right there, I don’t like any of his jokes and will not agree with you and your bad retelling of a bad joke.
I think that Dane Cook is the Comedian for unfunny people.
Let that sink in for a minute. You will notice that those who like Dane Cook are the types of people who tell unfunny and anticlimactic jokes. To his credit Dane has really mastered the telling of unfunny jokes, which to unfunny people must look like high art.
I’m not talking about comedic timing. I’m not talking about comedy flavor preferences (dirty vs. high-brow vs. ironic vs. slapstick vs. satire vs. witty etc).
I’m talking like “That isn’t funny. There is nothing funny about that”.
Watch This Video, Analysis Below:
Joke #1: Driving to the show someone drifts into your lane.
Ok first off that isn’t true. That did not happen to you on your way to the show. Saying common figures of speech in a choppy, enunciated way isn’t funny either. Rules-of-the-road. Nope, not funny.
The punchline: White people say “Um hello” when someone drifts into their lane. Black people say “Check out this motherfucker”, chinese people say “[unintelligible]“. That’s the joke. Sure people do say that but the problem with this reference, on a comedic level, is that it’s not esoteric or buried enough to be like “oh yeah, that’s so true!”, but if you think of some dim coworker in your office you’ve probably heard stories like this that end with “and then I was all ‘um hellooooo’ “.
Joke #2: Magicians Do Theatrical Hand Motions And Look Cool. What If Other Professions Did too?
This joke has faulty premises since nobody that I know of thinks magicians look cool doing all of that theatrical stuff with their hands. Most people think its schmaltzy and lame. Because of this nobody would be shocked to see a Kinkos employee “getting away with” doing that crap because nobody in their right mind thinks that stuff looks cool. Sometimes you see a box delivery person or something putting a little flair into their job and you think “well whatever gets them through the day” or you feel bad for them. Next.
Joke #3: People With Bad Breath Always Want To Tell You Secrets
This joke is not funny because it pretty much follows a very simple “the worst thing that could happen” line of humor but on a very small, unfunny, mostly untrue scale. It could be considered post hoc ergo propter hoc, basically meaning coincidental causation or correlation not causation. People with bad breath are not driven to tell you secrets. Very rarely have I noticed someone telling me a secret has bad breath because my ear can’t smell things. When someone tells you a secret and you do smell their bad breath I guess this is somewhat memorable, and if someone made a habit of it, I guess that would be funny in an anecdotal way but in and of itself is not universally funny which is required for mass stand-up comedy. I think many movies and TV shows have made a joke about a professor or teacher with bad breath who close-talks. That has context, making it somewhat acceptable on that format.
If I said: Isn’t it weird how whenever you’re in a public toilet some creep next to you is having like tijuana diarrhea?
That might be funnier because it’s a more extreme example and therefore you collect the positives (times that someone had loud diarrhea next to you) and discard the negatives (times you were in a public restroom and your neighbor took a quiet dump).
If I said, “Wow today at work in the bathroom it sounded like the guy in the next stall crapped out a gallon of chocolate milk” that might work the best since it’s anecdotal and that it happened recently at my place of work breathes some fire into it.
Joke #4: Public Restrooms not for rest; everything is wet;
Ah people don’t rest in restrooms. Novel. Everything is wet: the sink area is sometimes. People treat public space like crap. The door is all fucked up: Not that i’ve noticed really– again, see public space. This is similar to the last one overall, some fuzzy, half-baked observations.
For example I could say: Ever notice how seats on buses and subways are all scratched up and worn down looking? What do people who ride public transportation have like power sanders for asses? Amirite?!
Then you’d be like wanting to explain that when something is used a lot day in day out it gets worn down but would then realize i’m trying to be funny and go, “oh ok, chuckle, power sanders…”
Joke #5 Avoiding Fights, Fighting Signs, etc
This one is sorta true except white people don’t wipe their mouths. I would’ve said they spit and talk big and push fairly gingerly for the task at hand. The part about black guy’s friends being overly excited is true and sorta made me laugh because I like slapstick humor and how he was jumping around a lot. It sort of reminds me of an In Living Color skit where they make fun of blacks at comedy clubs in a very similar fashion:
Anyway, if you’re a Dane Cook fan I hope this analysis helps you understand comedy better and maybe even gives you some tips on how to not only better enjoy comedy but maybe be more funny yourself.
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I think this post should be dedicated to me, obviously that’s who you were thinking of when you decided to write this.
Amen, good analysis yet its sad it needs to be spelled out for idiots who probbly still don’t understand. If your dumb then dumb shit makes u laugh and smart shit confuses you
He is truly bad.
I’m not sure anyone really listens to what he is saying. I think that he just changes the inflections of his voice, uses a lot of emphasis points, and sound effects to trick people into thinking he is saying something with comedic value.
Let’s face it, the majority of the population is only listening to the sound effects anyway…or, if they think he is funny, they simply don’t get it.
Funny how humor is subjective. Like, you’re not wrong. But neither are Dane Cook fans. Opinions, et cetera.
No matter what, a joke is in somebody’s bucket. …even if it’s only funny at 3 am after enough Blue Moon to paralyze a water buffalo.
I have yet to laugh at anything Dane Cook has ever said. I watched an HBO of him because he’s “supposed” to be funny and walked away (after 10 minutes) thinking “Maybe it’s just me”. Then I realized, nah, he sucks.
I’m going to agree with the unfunny comments. He has his moments, is about as nice as you can get, when referring to his comedy.
Although I do see what people may see in him, and it’s the ‘entertainment’ value. The fact he wriggles around on stage, changing the pitch of his voice, etc. etc. Almost the kind of comedy, that when you mute it, you’d see in the black and white films of old. He’s ruined a couple of good movies too, because he isn’t horrible as an actor, until they work ‘his’ comedy into the movie.
Lol the fact that your telling people whats not funny is truly retarded. people have a choice at what they think is funny. Drop it there if someone mentions how funny he is bite your tounge for your opinion valid tho it may be is not needed.
morning internet hike = bicycling the web
Dane Cook is a hack. I’d rather have 1 Bill Hicks than a thousand Dane Cook’s.
On another note…I just found your blog. Good shit. I’m going to post a link on our blog for you.
Cheers!
That’s just it: for every Bill Hicks, there ARE a thousand Dane Cooks. Or worse: a Carlos Mencia thinking his insights are so fucking profound.
Dude, you should have also mentioned something along the lines of the fact that approximately 25-30% of his act consists of randomly running around and screaming, jumping up and down, and ripping off his clothes for NO apparent reason – which in itself, is also completely NOT funny and just a huge waste of time. I think that also other people find him funny because of the following. This accounts for probably 20% of his fan-base. Women find him to be attractive, therefore they will say he’s awesome at whatever he does, even if he isn’t. Men, like women. Men will say whatever women would agree with just to hook up with said women, therefore they say he’s funny. Eventually both parties become disillusioned into actually thinking he’s funny.
You could also link to the video of the sketch MadTV did parodying Dane Cook. That’s a perfect impression of Dane Cook.
I don’t agree that men will agree with women just to kiss their ass: if that were true, hot chicks would be stars of comedy, but in reality there ARE no hot female comedians, just a few lesbians.
In Response to Kay… you’re mostly wrong.
See while in part, comedy is subjective, the object of a professional stand-up comedian is to subject to the MASS AUDIENCE’S views as to what is funny. See, now go on YouTube and search for stuff like, “George Carlin is NOT funny” and see how many videos you find in comparison to how many you find for “Dane Cook is NOT funny.” Never before has anyone been called “unfunny” or made fun of for not being funny as Dane Cook has. So clearly, Dane Cook is not nearly as funny as what Dane Cook fans would like to believe. Clearly, you’re a moron.
Right, because insipid and vitriolic internet bloggers are always right, and everything you see on the internet is true…
/facepalm
Dane Cook’s comedy may appeal to a more lowbrow audience, but its still comedy. Just as a Michael Bay film most likely won’t win any academy awards for directing or best picture, and many critics and filmakers dislike him and his style, he still goes home at night and sits on a solid gold toilet and wipes his ass with $100 bills. And his movies are still movies.
Dane Cook, as far as I know, makes no pretentions about his comedy being subtle or challenging the status quo of society. His comedy is pure entertainment only (i.e. popcorn comedy) and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I love Lewis Black’s political comedy, its all been done before. I love Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy too. I don’t LOVE Dane Cook, but his act is funny (not so much the material) and it must be said that much of his humour is in the delivery, much like the Three Stooges or the Keystone Cops, which HAVE endured.
Whether you and others want to believe it or not, comedy is subjective to each and every person, Cook’s financial success is proof positive of that. As to those who claim its crap because it won’t endure a hundred years from now, why would Cook even care? Do you think Shakespeare worried about whether students would be discussing his plays centuries after his death, when at the time his plays were the lowbrow entertainment of their day?
it seems as over half of this country dislikes cook(myself included) but, if some peoples opinions change for the worse we will end up in th movie idocracy and i do not understand shit he steals it is not funny and when he draws ablank he runs in circles children today should be turned early snl johhny carson and george carlin not people like o’brian and cook i fear we are headed for the worst you will know it when chris rock shaves his head gain 200 pounds 9 feet to his height and a suns jersey
i fear this may be the end of comedy if funny people do not step up the world will come to its demise please parents turn your kids to early snl episodes and george carlin or risk turning america into the movie idocracy, i do not want a fat man at costco telling me he loves me never. daneshoulddie.com create if you have no balls and cant say it to his face at a tour of his
Try not funny unfunny isn’t a word retard.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/unfunny
oh really? your sentence is missing a semicolon DANE.
well fuck all of you who like to vent about ur negative feelings about dane cook. you’re all a bunch of pussy bitches and im pretty sure if i met one of you shit for brains i would kick the living shit out of you fags
amen
I think this the most ass backwards blog I have ever read. Why would care sooo much, and through all the trouble of writing a blog about how much you dislike the comedy of Dane Cook.
People (the masses!) think he is funny. Comedy does not have to be smart or even original. Comedy just has to make a person laugh.
A lot of people use their hands to express and convey emotion when telling a story. I know I do. It just sucks that with all the things going on in the world, you chose to write about how much you dislike Dane Cook.
Use your excellent writing skills for something important next time.
You n Dane get a room, record the noises he makes your asshole make after a night of seducing you with that ‘hilaious’ comedic routine, then chalk it up for posterity.
Now that’s funny.
People blog about how they hate Dane Cook, to VOICE THEIR OPINION, shit-head! It’s so OTHER people will know that they’re not alone in hating this lame, unfunny, good-for-nothing CURLY-MOE-WHATEVER WANNABE.
If enough people voice their opinion, maybe this LOSER-POSER-HOSER Dane Cook will get put back where he belongs.
*Why would YOU care….and GO through
yeah fucking assholes
dane cook is the best
hell yeah, JJ is the only one with asense of humor here
Wow, looking at how moronic the last two posters are, I can see why people would be dumb enough to like Dane Cook. Only a retard would laugh at a pile of shit (literally and metaphorically).
I’m sure that Dane Cook is fucking your wife in this exact moment.
You actually think that guy’s married? He’s ugly as sin.
Lol. Listen to these mindless dane cook superfans getting all pissed off.
The truth hurts!
I can’t stand this guy. He isn’t funny and no where near clever. Any yes, YOU’RE correct in saying only dumb, unfunny, unintelligent people are amused by him.
unfunny isnt a word retard; dane cook’s more intelligent than you dumbfuck
good point
Why are people taking this so seriously? People like to watch his acts and laugh. It’s not like people are shaping a new religion around him. And how can the people saying Dane isn’t funny justify saying that all the people who like him are stupid when you have your fair share of idiots running wild in this very discussion.
Mr. Hat: “if funny people do not step up the world will come to its demise”
Just read calade’s comment. It’s called a period dumbass. And the last line and a half I’m assuming was supposed to be a joke. “you will know it when chris rock shaves his head gain 200 pounds 9 feet to his height and a suns jersey” What are you trying to say?
Umm, Dane Cook’s Gallagher-esque fame is fading. His frat boy schtick is not popular even among the dumbest of masses, and his movies are always BO poison. So, yeah, you fail.
Wow.
I’d like to Start by Saying, that for the past few months I’ve gone to parties where Everyoonnneee OBSESSED Over Lil’ Wayne (stay with me, you’ll see where I’m going with this). Now, Because lil wayne sucks AND is the worst rapper alive, I Naturally argued my case, which either Stumps the nearly retarded minds at the party or causes them to say “FUCK YOU HE’s THE BEST HE’S MY HUSBAND…..” like they’ve met before and he’s their best friend. I got tired of hearing This over and over again and Defending my case constantly, so, I decided to make a Pamphlet of why Lil Wayne sucks. I brought it to every party i went to since and Shut everyone down. It was fun
I Started making other Pamphlet’s, but those never really blew out of proportion to a point where i Needed to bring them to every party…. Until Dane Cook. Now, As some one who appreciates real comedy and not just loud noises, weird faces, jumping across stages and dragging the same joke for about 70 minutes (Exp: the DMV joke), I Naturally retorted that Dane Cook isn’t funny. Party after party after party it came to this, so i Decided to make another Pamphlet: Why Dane Cook isn’t funny. While working on it, I Found your blog, and I quite possibly think that you may be the second coming. You ripped the words out of my mouth and articulated them perfectly, EVEN responding to their rebuttles in the same manor that i did in my arguments. I’m including your link in my Pamphlet and I will continue to read your blog posts as it may be possible that you are the new messiah. Thank you for this blessing, it’s a BEAUTIFUL thing that you’re doing for all of us.
you could be the saddest one in this whole post. the fact that you are spending your time making pamphlets on why something sucks, tells me you have way too much time on your hands. the fact that youre actualy showing up to parties with these pamphlets, tells me your absolutely no fun to be around. the next time you go to a party, that is if you ever get invited back to one, leave the pamphlet at home, and i dont know, focus on having a good time, or possibly striking up a conversation with a lovely lady. youre another one of these people that think theyre so important that they can tell everyone why their opinion is wrong. god i hope youre no older than 16, that way you have time to change, cuz youre on a path to be 45 yrs old sitting on youre computer all day and all night. ill look for you on “to catch a predator”
You are truly, truly sad.. and ya prolly don’t realize why…
You idiot, it takes less time to make a pamphlet, than it does to memorize your argument, and repeat yourself constantly everytime. That’s why people WRITE AND PUBLISH things instead of saying it.
And people go to parties to exhange ideas, not just to drink and feel like less of a loser.
And your only comeback is calling them a child molester…..shows your stupidity.
my gosh can i get some of those pamphlets???? they sound hilarious.
You are so gay, and you are just jealous that you cannot have Dan or Lil’ Wayne
Oh my god… That is truly pathetic. It’s a wonder you haven’t had your ass beaten yet. You are doing something that is alienating you from other people, do you realize this? It’s not normal to spend so much time on pamphlets that explain why your peers are wrong for liking something/someone that they do. And ontop of that actually bringing them to parties? Who passes out pamphlets of ANY kind at parties anyway? I have never heard anything more pathetic in my life and I wouldn’t be surprised if the maker of this blog thought you were pathetic as well. That’s just overboard. Weird. Abnormal. And quite honestly it was painful to read your post. Get help, you’re psycho.
So if you don’t agree with everyone, you’re “alienating yourself?”
Boy, you must be the world’s biggest ass-kisser– and that’s something NOBODY likes.
No im not gona say anything that you said fans are gona say im gona say why are you hating? Why waiste time out of your life to write about why you hate him. You hate him so much you like to hate him?
Because if ENOUGH people say “DANE COOK SUCKS” then promoters will begin to LISTEN, and he won’t get any more gigs. They’ll realize that DC’s “fans” are just a small– but very loud– segment of losers with no money to spend since they’re such retards.
Also just to tell you, most of the people that post comments are here because they googled hating dane cook. I googled it because one of his jokes is about haters like you.
Dane Cook just plain sucks!!!! This analysis was spot-on. I watched one of his HBO shows for about 15 minutes and I didn’t laugh once. I love the comedy of Louis C.K. Now THIS GUY IS FUNNY!!!! Check him out.
I think your fucking grammar is funny you fucking retard who you say “unfunny people” who can’t comprehend good humor listen to Dane Cook.Like your a funny guy? Your that asshole at the party who no one likes so instead of writing a whole blog page dissing a person who does what he loves why don’t you look at your life cause there’s something fucking wrong with you.
SUFI BITCH!
deconstructing something in an amateur way is not funny..or entertaining. the problem with the internet? is that its clogged up with untalented writers and egomaniacs like yourself. god..i dont like Dane Cook either..but I’m guessing he’s a hell of a lot more fun to hang out with than you.
Oh..and dissing SF? c’mon..you gotta really hate life and yourself to get down on such a beautiful city. Come to Baltimore if you want to be reminded that you live in a fantastic metropolis.
I agree that Dane Cook is pretty bad (despite having improved a bit) and doesn’t deserve all the fame. But I’m on the very first joke and you wrote,
“The punchline: White people say “Um hello” when someone drifts into their lane. Black people say “Check out this motherfucker”, chinese people say “[unintelligible]“. That’s the joke. Sure people do say that but…”
Well hello dummy but “unintelligible” was a car crash. If you’re gonna analyze something, actually pay attention.
dane cook is not a comedian. he’s a showman who has been blown out of proportion. he uses funny sounds and actions to solicit a reaction from the audience. a lot of his jokes are unfinished and nonsensical. after seein his in round performance for ten minutes i thought well there’s a comedian i won’t be listening o again….. pass the earplugs
“times that someone had loud diarrhea next to you”
Fuckin’ awesome :p
To the Dane Cook ass-clowns:
Face it, you wouldn’t know comedy if it bit you on the ass. You got swallowed up in the tidal wave of Dane Cook insanity that crashed through this country and now starting a desperate and failed attempt to dog-paddle back to shore by being some type of apologist to his “comedy”. Admit that you’re sheep and be done with it.
What is comedy?
Comedy is something that shouldn’t be forced, it should be as natural as breathing. It’s an act, a motion, a gift. Dane Cook screams onto the stage like an F-18 on fire and explodes and all of you sit there an go “Ohhh, amazing! what talent!” while all the rest of us see is obsolete,expensive crap on fire.
Do yourselves and the rest of us who actually know comedy a favor and watch:
The Marx Brothers
Laurel and Hardy
The Jack Benny Program
Burns and Allen
The Honeymooners
The Pink Panther with Peter Sellers
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Black Books
Father Ted
i can tell your the person that doesnt like anything thats even semi popular, cuz you think your different and unique. probably the guy that likes a band until they get popular then says they suck, cuz theyre trendy or something. liking something underground or obscure does not make you interesting. i can only hope that youre 15 years old or younger, cuz if youre older than that, then i just feel bad for you. just remember, everyone has their own opinion, and sometimes its going to differ from yours. what makes you think youre so special that you get to say what people should think is funny? you may think youre an important person cuz you probably spend al day blogging about random shit, but guess what, youre not important in the least. put down the laptop and step outside, get a job, get laid, and start filling your time with things you do like, not dwelling on things you dont. i dont like any of the things you listed, but would i say they suck, or tell you youre an idiot for liking them? of course not, cuz youre entitled to your own opinion, and if you like it, then great, thats awesome. let everyone have their own opinion and disagree with your mouth shut. have a great day
“let everyone have their own opinion and disagree with your mouth shut.”
You need to take your own advise cuz…umm…like cuz dude you just proved everyone else’s point.
lol ok buddy
“let everyone have their own opinion and disagree with your mouth shut.”
But you’re stating disagreement, you fucking hypocrite!
You’re a jumper, it’s just a metter of time..
This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read. Who are you to tell people they aren’t funny. Have you met EVERY Dane Cook fan to know for a fact that they aren’t funny? If you are going to write a blog, and criticize words people use, you should probably make sure your English is working that day. Unfunny? What is that? Maybe you don’t have a sense of humor?
Why in the fk would i want to meet dane cooks fans too see if their funny? Hes supposed to be the comedian, just when i thought no one could more of a tool than he is…
man you all have way too much time on your hands. dane cook is a comedian, some people think hes funny, some people think hes not, end of story. theres alot of successful comedians i think arent funny, but why would i ever feel the need to go online and write a whole report on why they suck and everybody who likes them suck. because i have a job, a girlfriend, and friends and i choose to occupy my time enjoying the things i do like. not dwelling on things i dont and arguing that everyone should have the same opinion as me. get a life people, its a big world out there.
Yet you had the time to write completely pointless dissertation
“Who are you to tell people they aren’t funny.”
He’s someone with a GOOD sense of humor, not someone who laughs at anything like a fucking INFANT.
You’d probabaly LOVE “got your nose!” or “peek-a-boo!”
And you’d laugh your ass off at “Pattycake!”
DC’s humor is for ages UNDER 6, anyone older than that is RETARDED. It just shows how Generation X is SLOW.
Meh, I think he’s funny. But that’s just me. Thing is, we don’t have to agree. Let people have their fun and all that shiznat. Just because someone THINKS he’s unfunny doesn’t mean he IS unfunny, and vise-versa. So… Yeah. I don’t think it’s a big deal.
You think it’s funny when someone makes observations that AREN’T true, or lame stereotypes that also aren’t true?
Guess what…I think Dane Cook is funny. I have also been told that I am funny. I have my friends laughing all the time so that so your wrong on that one dickhead. Also your posts and blogs are moronic and retarded and you obviously have no life to go and write this so called “blog.” So Im pretty sure you get no ass, lives with his mother and probaby have a cronic masterbating problem. Dane Cook must be funny because he has his own shows, gets mad women, makes alot of money and doesnt live with his mother. Your annoying and not funny sir. Go die.
I’m sure you right about your friends laughing at you, not with you.. your an utter moron.
Or maybe they’re just dumber than he is, IF that’s possible. Chimps and babies will laugh at anything.
casey i dont know how to put this kindly:
There is a way in which stupid people express themselves; you express yourself in that way.
I don’t just mean the misspellings and weird word choices– the fuzzy statements. No I mean I can tell that you’re not intelligent and also not funny. Being funny requires a certain awareness and intelligence level. I’m not saying im particularly funny but I try to be sometimes in this website. It’s a shameful hobby, sure.
Because your comment is such top shelf nonsense i’m going to give you a free analysis. (You can paypal me some money if you feel guilty about taking something for free from a busy professional who doesn’t live with his mother).
Love the guess what part.
Your friends. Key information. Tell one of your funny jokes to a stranger and watch them do a somersault through the nearest plate glass window.
Posts and blogs. Ok let’s keep our terms tight so we can communicate at a high level: a blog is this entire website or a website like this. A post is this article you’re reading here. You could say “i’ve read his blog” when in fact you’ve read posts but the posts comprise the blog. Like how books comprise a library! Now that this is a so-called blog is confusing for me. I think you might think that saying “so-called” means like “sorry excuse for” or “poor example of”, whereas most people know that phrase to mean “fake”, “fraudulent”, “pretend” etc. Even the worst blog is still a blog. And by the way, blogs don’t exactly have a reputation of being high quality so the phrase doesn’t fit. If your friend had a 1972 beat up Mercedes (good reputation) you could say “His so-called mercedes” and that would still be fuzzy but would make sense. If he had a girlfriend that cheats on him constantly and doesn’t care about him calling her his “so-called girlfriend” is correct.
This “flame” is not only so prototypical and im sure you thought you were being very clever, but the misspellings are so great and nicely spaced out. Oh the nerdy blogger who lives in a basement and gets no pussy. Wow, novel idea. You should do an expose for Wired magazine on this subculture. I could literally find you 100 comments from this so-called blog where dullards like you have said the exact same thing. That should make you feel sorta bad.
Or because there’s plenty of idiots like you in the world, which if you didn’t notice is the grand subject of this blog.
The no life thing is again prototypical of your kind but also very ironic since you’re commenting on a blog written by a guy that has no life. I guess you’re just taking a breather from your Investment Banking job or something, right?
Crack open a frosty diet coke and put your feet up on your mahogany desk, you’ve earned it Casey.
ahh i love this. especially “The no life thing is again prototypical of your kind but also very ironic since you’re commenting on a blog written by a guy that has no life.”
I know that after you posted this crap you went to masturbate yourself, again.
Hahaha. I loved this post and analysis. I agree completely with pretty much everything you wrote. I googled to see if someone thought the same as I did about Dane Cook, and I’m glad I’m not the only one. His material sucks, and the really good material he has, he stole it from Louis C.K. He’s even admitted to it!!! That shows lack of originality and overall lack of talent. So he can move around like a worm on crack, big whoop. I wouldn’t pay to see him, and one can argue that the majority of his fans are the high-school/college drop-out type. Because everytime I speak to a Dane Cook fan, it is obvious that they’re missing a chromosome and do not understand anything witty or worthwhile. AMIRITE!!!!!
“So he can move around like a worm on crack”
Yeah, and he stole THAT from CURLY HOWARD. Nyuk-nyuk!
Which just shows that DC is a stooge.
[...] scene in 1998, but hit full mainstream in 2003 with Harmful If Swallowed. His humor played on his eccentric storytelling technique, and it went over well with college kids. The problem with that, of course, is that college kids [...]
WHITE college kids, right? As in 13th graders who are passed out at parties at 1 a.m., while the asian kids are passed out in the LIBRARY.
I’ve watched his videos and I find his stuff to be somewhat funny, but even if I didn’t like his stuff, I’m not going to waste my time talking bad about him. If you don’t like one of his videos why watch the rest it’s as simple as that.
Wow… The passion you breathe into this flaming. First of all, I haven’t seen a ton of Dane Cook, and out of the stuff that I did see, I thought it was decent, but not great.
The funniest joke that I have heard from him IMO, is the one about leaving a legacy, where he talks about smashing an ice cream cone into a child’s face.
Anyway… I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t really read much of your article or many of the comments. Mainly because your entire view of humor has many false assumptions.
Humor is an evolutionary adaptation that humans have to recognize when a certain dynamic has been altered to a certain extent. Basically, SURPRISE. Anything out of the ordinary can be considered humorous, and as each human develops his/her own mental representation of reality and what is ordinary, humor is SUBJECTIVE. This is a simple explanation.
Hopefully you can pull your head out of the ground, and stop the hate just because he’s popular.
You guys suck. Dane cook is Awesome. This is the first video I’ve seen of him, and I admit that he uses a little too much hand motions, but before that I already had all of his albums. HE IS HILARIOUS YOU MOTHER %$#@^%!
DANE COOK SUx. I saw Him today, gave him a chance. He just suuuuucks, hes just very visual with his body. Dumb people love that. Like eating a popsickle and watching a monkey.
You’re a retard and you need to get laid.
thanks for checking in Dane
That was the funniest Dane Cook video I’ve ever seen, which is to say, I actually chuckled a couple times!
But yeah, he’s terrible – so safe and by-the-numbers… I also disagree with the statement that “Dane has really mastered the telling of unfunny jokes”; he’s not even good at telling unfunny jokes. It seems to me he just lifts material from Jackie Martling loke books and then flails around for five agonizing minutes before getting to the punchline. It seems to me that being good at telling bad jokes would require the opposite: bad jokes shouldn’t be watered down further, and you should just move quickly from one to the next.
Dane Cook’s material is mostly physical humor and wacky voices, which really gets to the lowest common denominator – you’ll notice his big closer was stripping (and that brought the most laughter of that entire bit)!
hay guys i took my shirt off lol
hay??? guys?? ya musta went to the same high school he did before ya both dropped out.
Dane Cook is for idiots. Mostly the Myspace crowd. He uses every young girl on Myspace to get his avatar on their profile – thats how he got started with his Internet marketing.
You take a statistically large sample like 150 million idiots and you are bound to find 10% really dumb idiots on Myspace who think anything is funny.
He’ll be a flash in the pan long forgotten by the end of next year. His movies suck as well as his acting. None of them got high ratings.
Very simply, Dane Cook sucks and sucks hard. But don’t tell that to his cult fans.
lmao, all of you are freaking our over nothing. i don’t know why everyone is so concerned about dane cook, but they really shouldn’t be. people either love dane cook or love to hate him. all of this debate is retarded. nobody’s gonna convince anyone to change their opinion. &why do you want to, anyway? stop caring so fucking much about what other people think of your favorite/most hated comedian. IT DOESN’T MATTER.
&also: ‘unfunny’ is a word, it always has been.
I predict any college student that likes dane cook will either never graduate, or die of aids. Go ahead and do the statistical survey with their families in a few years.. I’ll be right.
I could care less about about this idiot, hes not a comedian…comedians are usually funny. .. too bad he wasn’t performing in Haiti when the earthquakes hit, ..the news could have immediately reported something positive from the aftermath.
it’s your choice on who you think is funny. I like dane cook, i do. i personally enjoy his jokes and you don’t have to think he’s funny, and seeing how much time and energy that you put into picking this apart and providing an argument on how he’s not funny is a sad, sad waste of time and shows that you, apparently unlike dane cook, have no life. sorry
I disagree with this quite a bit… I think dude is hilarious. That whole video had me cracking up…
If you’re Black, you’re like… “Look at THIS motherfucker…” that shit is funny, and true (I’m Black)…
The bits about the public restrooms and how they are always wet is true and funny… above the carving of graffiti in the walls… also funny and true.
I don’t get the hate for the guy. I mean ultimately I couldn’t care less what people think ’cause I get to enjoy his jokes and comedy but I don’t get why people hate on him, he has some great observational humor, and seems to be quite an articulate guy. Many of his stand-ups have some excellent vocabulary and historical references… for what it’s worth.
Also some of his movies are pretty good… he gave a good comedic performance in Mr. Brooks, and he is fucking hysterical in My Best Friend’s Girls.
Just some thoughts from the other side.
Umm…who is this Dave… what was his name again? *scrolls up* Oh, Dane Cook. Who is he again? I’ve never heard of him… Well I have now. kthanxbai~
P.S. I thought your post was hilarious…I watched the vid then read the post, and it had me crackin’ up~
Any bad movie nowadays is good enough until this awful, foul looking d-bag dane cook shows up. F***, I would even leave a movie theatre if this wannabe was 10 rows behind me. Who in their sound mind pays this “no such list” moron? Here is the a-hole who is truly one of a kind, all by himself. Cook and vomit… Sorry everyone.
—
“My thesis was that Dane Cook is to comedy what George W. Bush is to western civilization”
Exactly.
I want to officially take this opportunity to apologize for not getting a proper abortion. I know, I’m a monster, but please hear my story before you judge me to be evil.
You see, when I became pregnant with Dane it was during a time when abortion rights were very new and very controversial. The church I attended at the time was protesting every week at the Mass. governor’s mansion about the evils of killing babies and how God was going to send abortion doctors to hell. So, you understand, on the night I found out I was pregnant, I became scared, very scared, of what would happen to me should I choose to abort the baby I had accidentally found inside of me. I felt so terrible and I had no one to turn to. His father, that oh so sweet (please don’t judge him, this was my fault) mentally handicapped man who cut our lawn didn’t have the wherewithal to offer me support, neither financial nor emotional. I was truly alone.
When I chose to run that hot bath and fill the tub with bleach, I was not myself. Gone was the perky young girl who turned heads at choir practice, I was devastated and afraid. Good Lord, I would never have taken that coat hanger to myself during the bath if I had just had a shoulder to lean on. Someone to cry to. I felt that God himself had abandoned me.
Oh Jesus, it’s been all those years ago and I can’t stop crying, even now.
I am so sorry.
So very sorry.
If only I had possessed the nerve to have attained the services of a professional, my horrifying offspring would not have ruined our culture so badly. It’s hard to not lay blame on others. I wanted to hate my church for making me feel like I was filthy for wanting to be rid of the thing growing inside me. I wanted to hate his father for being mentally deficient to the point of not being the man I truly needed. I wanted to blame God for making me to begin with, but I know, with sober mind and deep regret, that this was all my fault.
It’s okay to hate me, but please consider not hating me forever.
-Mother of the Blight Upon America
Just happened to hear a Dane Cook bit on satellite radio and I hear people laughing but there is absolutely nothing funny coming from his mouth. Some story about a guy getting hit by a car and DC is just giving a overly emphatic accounting of it all. I guess I’ll have to assume the crowd was drunk or something.
I listen to a lot of comedy – and DC truely is all hype with no substance. Talented – maybe in that he can somehow make millions with this unfunny crap.
dane cook is more rich/famous/funnier than you cocksucker.
besides, i like the joke where your dad fuccin dies you cocksucker piece of shit!!!!!!!
PAGING DR FAGGOT, woop, suck my cock i’ll murder your family
OK , I READ ALL THE HATE /LIKE COMMENTS ABOUT MR COOK AND SINCE I AM NOT A PARTICULAR FOLLOWER OF ANY JUST ONE COMIC IT PAINS ME TO READ THAT THE EXPECTATION OF COMEDY IS THAT IT SHOULD BE UNIVERSALLY SATISFYING. HUMOR IS SUBJECTIVE. A FRESH APPROACH TO COMEDY A RARITY. THE RULES ARE ALWAYS LOOKING TO BE BENT.
THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT INTERESTING. YES, HE DOES NOT DELIVER THE PUNCHLINE IN THE PURITAN MANNER YOU ESPOUSE TO. HE MAY BE JUST A COMEDY SALESMAN WHO FLINCHES AND SNARLS HIS PSEUDO-HUMOR BUT ITS FUNNY TO SOMEONE.
THAT BEING SAID, YES, HE IS NOT A NICE PERSON. AT LEAST NOT TO MIDDLE AGED WOMEN WHO JUST WANTED TO SAY THEY ENJOYED THE SHOW.
HE DOES FOCUS ON HIS YOUNGER AUDIENCE AND THEREFORE IS LACKING A WIDER AND MORE RELEVANT RANGE OF HUMOR. HIS FILM CAREER IS GETTING HIM A MORE BOARDER BASE OF FANS SO IF HE REFUSES TO EXPAND HIS MATERIAL, HE WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE HIS APPEAL .
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST ALWAYS WINS EVEN IN COMEDY. SO STOP WHINING IF YOU DON’T LIKE HIM. HE’S PRACTICALLY EXTINCT AS WE SPEAK. OK , I READ ALL THE HATE /LIKE COMMENTS ABOUT MR COOK AND SINCE I AM NOT A PARTICULAR FOLLOWER OF ANY JUST ONE COMIC IT PAINS ME TO READ THAT THE EXPECTATION OF COMEDY IS THAT IT SHOULD BE UNIVERSALLY SATISFYING. HUMOR IS SUBJECTIVE. A FRESH APPROACH TO COMEDY A RARITY. THE RULES ARE ALWAYS LOOKING TO BE BENT.
THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT INTERESTING. YES, HE DOES NOT DELIVER THE PUNCHLINE IN THE PURITAN MANNER YOU ESPOUSE TO. HE MAY BE JUST A COMEDY SALESMAN WHO FLINCHES AND SNARLS HIS PSEUDO-HUMOR BUT ITS FUNNY TO SOMEONE.
THAT BEING SAID, YES, HE IS NOT A NICE PERSON. AT LEAST NOT TO MIDDLE AGED WOMEN WHO JUST WANTED TO SAY THEY ENJOYED THE SHOW.
HE DOES FOCUS ON HIS YOUNGER AUDIENCE AND THEREFORE IS LACKING A WIDER AND MORE RELEVANT RANGE OF HUMOR. HIS FILM CAREER IS GETTING HIM A MORE BOARDER BASE OF FANS SO IF HE REFUSES TO EXPAND HIS MATERIAL, HE WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE HIS APPEAL .
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST ALWAYS WINS EVEN IN COMEDY. SO STOP WHINING IF YOU DON’T LIKE HIM. HE’S PRACTICALLY EXTINCT AS WE SPEAK.
Dane Cook seems to be schizophrenic, since he “you know how X happens, when you’re doing Y?” in a way that is COMPLETELY untrue.
For example he’ll say something as stupid as “You know how when you’re walking down the street, and the sun yells at you to get out of the way?”
But since he waves his arms like a psycho, howls and jumps around like a retarded monkey with epilepsy, then these idiots laugh their asses off: they’d LOVE Jerry Lewis.
You take his jokes WAY too seriously!
I think were missing a huge point here. Yes, he may not have a strong punch line but don’t we all have that friend and maybe its yourself who can tell a hell of a story, sending you on a emotional roller coaster and it was simply about their encounter buying lunch. I like Dane Cook simply because he can find the funny in any situation or embellish it nicely. Dave Chapellle never had punch lines he just had funny ass stories so i think the fact Dane tells a story and adds a few off the wall gestures isn’t a bad thing.
I love this site. I never knew there were so many people who despise society as much as I do.
i think he’s funny as shit and im pretty smart so maybe your just biased or something is wrong with you?
While I don’t like Dane Cook (he is a bad comedian), some of his stuff can be mildly funny. And your analysis is pretty poor. For instance, of course he didn’t almost get into an accident on the way over to his performance. It’s a setup for a joke and many comedians use that device, both the good and the bad. Also, applying out of the ordinary situations to common place ones (his magician act as a gyno) is another common comedic device (see Chappelle Show when he applies slow motion to real life – and if you don’t think Chappelle is funny, than you’re an idiot). You’re right, Dane Cook is a pretty bad comedian, but your reasoning is poor, it seems like it is based more on your hatred for the man than your understanding of comedy.
Thanks for posting the video at least. It was hilarious!
dude, seriously, pull the rod out of your @ss. Just because he doesnt use the same old, used joke structure as everyone else, does not mean he sucks. it means he has a different style. he is supposed to be ridiculous, and if you think that he caters to unfunny ppl, then i guess every single person in every single packed stadium he attends to is unfunny, and dry. and if you didnt like it, then fine, say that, but dont instantly disreguard him as trash. One thing i noticed in your criticisms is you fckin thought it out too much. its a joke dude, if you really analyze every joke you hear that closely, then i pity you. you dont have to have some deep significance behind every joke, maybe im so sick of hearing all these frikkin comedians talk about their problems, and complain about politics, that maybe i wanna listen to a comic thats actually upbeat and high energy for once.
all in all man, your criticisms amount to your opinion, and you do not have the right to say his style is garbage. nuff said
I’m convinced that Dane Cook is the result of DNA splicing between Jeff Foxworthy, Jim Belushi, Jerry Lewis, and Carrot Top. We could substitute his acts for Chinese water torture and get far better results from it. The only people that I have met who like him are frat boys, middle-aged people trying to be ‘hip’, and mindless women who worship celebrities. I guess in a culture where Charles Manson is a celebrity anything is possible. At least David Cross and other comedians are saying what most of us are thinking. The superfans of Dane Cook are more comical than the man himself.
To me I believe Dane Cook is the product of DNA splicing between Jeff Foxworthy, Jim Belushi, Jerry Lewis, Carrot Top, and Larry the Cable Guy. You could use his acts in substitute for the torture methods of the inquisition and be much more effective. Sorry frat boys, college kids, and myspace girls; Dane Cook is only funny in the way flatulence is funny. He is amateurish and juvenile, perhaps that is why he appeals to you. College doesn’t last forever, one day you will actually have to grow up and join the real world. At least David Cross and other actually funny comedians are saying what most of us think. You superfans are more comical than the man you worship. Good day to you.
Well put, my friend, David Cross–now that guy’s hilarious–and a truly gifted comic.
Not sure if Rick was agreeing with me, expounding upon what I wrote, or what, but still a good post. It isn’t that most of us hate Dane Cook as a person. More power to the guy if he can get rich off acting like a mental defective, most of my problems lay upon his fans who think he is some sort of comic genius. I don’t need punchlines or anything else to find humour in something. If something is funny it is funny, but to me Dane Cook is not funny and more than likely will never be so. The only thing I ever liked that he did was play a role in Mr. Brooks. I know most people hate Costner, but I have always found that to be misplaced. He has made more good movies than he has made bad ones. In the end this is all opinion. It is your right to like his humor, but it also my right to think it is the height of stupidity. If our opinion of your comedic icon offends you, then you should get thicker skin and learn to respect another person’s opinion. If you want to see great comedians look at Steve Martin, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, etc. If want a comedian that doesn’t require much thought and gets ‘fart laughs’ out of people, look to Dane Cook.
I watched a bunch of comedians back in the day (which was a Wednesday) such as Adam Sandler, Norm, Richard Belzer, and Jim Carrey. All the jokes did not stand the test of time. Comedy is becoming like music. There are different cultures to it now. It’s all about one thing. Being likeable. If you don’t like him, you’ll hate him. If you like Adam Sandler, he can say Dip dip dip and you’ll laugh. That’s all it’s about.
Dane Cook SUCKS!!!! Thank you for the spot-on, accurate analysis of a dumbass hack who believes he’s funny.